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How does one earn the right to call oneself an artist?
Are you born, made, or bought?
I didn't go to university and I don't have a degree in artistry or teaching or anything, but necessity teaches you to be more creative, to manage and not to ask for permission
Can you imagine if I had asked for permission? I would be dead.
I was raped at 7 years old, at 11 I started drinking, smoking cigarettes and using marijuana, I tried crack cocaine at 13, I studied at D.320, I had lunch at school and only got to eighth grade.
I started working at 13 years old and from that age until 18 I was abused by a guy 20 years older than me, who sold me as my manager; he kept half of the money. During that time I sang in the street, in bars, on buses, in circuses.
At 17 I lived alone with my grandmother, I had to take care of her after a stroke that left her bedridden, at night I went out to sing and with that I bought diapers for her and sometimes a dress from used clothes to sing, I learned to do wonders sewing by hand.
At 18 I found an opportunity in television, that for me was the salvation of my life, I earned 30 lukas a week, then I started to have connections and with that I helped my family. During the 5 years I was in television I was harassed by a music producer, they forcibly kissed me several times and called me a whore with no talent, I believed it and put up with it out of necessity, but finally I had the courage and I left.
At 23 years old and with 4 sticks that I had collected I went to Mexico, without connections, alone with the desire to get ahead. When I arrived in Mexico, I had the hardest years of organized crime. I escaped from a club in Veracruz a couple of times. I sang covers in bars for 8 years. I earned 300 lukas a month. With that, I could sometimes send money to my family in Chile.
I had thyroid cancer. I had surgery in the public health system. I was left with facial paralysis and couldn't move the right side of my body for two months. This still takes its toll on me. I can't feel my face on the right side. I almost lost my voice after the operation. I had to learn to sing again. The doctor told me I couldn't sing for 6 months, but after 2 months I went back to the bars. I had to work.
When I was 31, I achieved massive success in music with an album as an independent artist. Before that, I had two albums. I knocked on hundreds of doors, lived on couches, in whorehouses, and starved myself to death. I was depressed, I tried to kill myself twice, I was an alcoholic, they had to feed me with food because of the withdrawal symptoms, I couldn't even dress myself. But after two weeks I got up and went back to work, drugged and still depressed, I got up.
I have been a very sad woman, really very sad, and the only thing I know how to do is work, but do you know what I did during all this time?
I painted and painted and painted and embroidered and cried while I painted, while music gave me food to eat, painting saved me from all the shit I had to go through.
I went to a museum for the first time in Mexico at 30 years old, before that I knew nothing about that world, I saw it as far away, I felt like I didn't belong.
I have 8 albums published, more than a thousand works as a visual artist, but to this day I feel like an intruder. It is true that today I have a privileged place, I became a bourgeois, a nouveau riche and I know that I do not belong and I will never belong because I will always be a flaite and now a famous flaite.
Then I think, I could never have formed part of that imaginary queue because before me there were the academics, those who do know how to paint, and you know? I find reason in everything they say about me, sometimes I doubt and doubt everything I do, sometimes I think that all my art is shit, and I don't just doubt as an artist, I doubt myself as a mother too, I doubt everything
because they always told me I was worthless and I believed it.
But I move forward anyway, because the only thing I know how to do is work and love, love art as the only thing that has saved my life. And that fear that tells me I'm not enough, that almost always comes pushed by ego, and that will not win me over.
I have nothing to lose, everything for me has been a gain because I won at life.
I want you to know that I share my art with humility, I do it with the respect that my craft deserves.
I'm not better than anyone, art is subjective they say, but everything I do comes from my ovaries, from the most primitive. I am an animal, a bull, a mare like Lemebel. Sit at the piano, destroy the meter, shout instead of singing, Violeta used to say.
I'm not going around trying to take up anyone's space, but I'm not going to go around apologizing for taking up mine either.
Here's my story and you know what? If this is about meritocracy, then I deserve everything.
https://open.spotify.com/intl-es/track/4skuEIloXWuxxgekKupkEH?si=89bb89ce2c0140c6
- 02/23
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