You may have read my March HPUD post. Perhaps not. But yes, I have more time on my hands again! It's bittersweet but I'm leaning toward being productive in general. In my mind, I got my ducks in line but once I looked at my options, the downward spiral started.
Since midnight, I have been scrolling through the photos on my phone and getting myself overwhelmed with ideas relentlessly flooding in. Productive? Right. My brain's bouncing from wall to wall and now, all I could do is write about it as everything else might turn out half-baked... Ugh.
Perhaps it would be less chaotic if I let it flow out like this, even if I don't know where am I even going with it.
If life was a game where I'm the player and I have to die and/or repeat something several times, I probably know where to pick myself up. But alas, this is not a game, there are no controllers to use and I can't anticipate everything life sends my way.
What now? Where the heck do I pick myself up?
Do I wait for the next moment of clarity? When is that even going to happen?
Maybe, just maybe, I can sit with this feeling and let it be. But then again... I've been at it the whole day. I refuse to space out.
And before you jump on it, no, I don't need any advice. I do thank you if you have thought about giving one, though. At this point, I'm pretty sure I still have a grip on things despite the utter lack of organization.
All it is is the feeling of being weirded out - days ago, I had a routine of some sort but that structure got disrupted yet again. I can ask everyone else what should I do or where do I go but I should be the one ultimately deciding on that.
I'm just feeling a bit lost but I'm sure I'll find something along the way.
Starting from scratch also means there's a lot of room to make mistakes. Do you think ahead and ponder about possible errors, put them on a weighing scale, and conclude which one's going to hurt you less? Or do you choose not to choose to protect yourself? Rejection and regret from not picking the other option/s scare you away.
I used to overdo the latter and I'm trying to outgrow it.
Is it just me or do people become more or less reckless as they age? Mistakes start to become part of the fun instead of the problem. A wrong turn at the park becomes a new adventure. A little banter becomes a new challenge to do a thing or two.
To make mistakes is to let yourself open to the possibility of gaining scratches or more. Is it worth it?
Figuring it out rather than thinking about it weighs more to me than inaction. If it works, then it does. If it doesn't, well, c'est la vie.
Nobody knows that my heart's in my throat when I make choices anyway.
Nobody knows that your heart's beating wildly at the anxiety of committing to the wrong choice. Is there even a wrong choice?
Where am I even going with this? Am I still contemplating my fears and decisions or am I luring you to come down the spiral with me? Maybe it's both.
I hope you weren't looking for answers as I don't really have them too. Hehe.
I'll leave you to it. Or heck, hang around and mull over things with me.
Thanks for stopping by.
Mistakes are not a problem in life, they are a learning experience. They can be either good or bad learning experiences but learning nonetheless. I think if we adjust out thinking on them, we can learn to take these situations differently!
Hopefully you can get out of your rut and get stuff a little more organized.
True, true. Still in the process of letting go of my previous thinking about it but excited for the future. Thank you, @cmplxty!
!PIZZA
You're not starting from scratch, you're starting with experience. Experience most would wish they had before they tried out anything from the start. You would not likely repeat the same mistakes so this moves your progress faster than soemone with 0.
I had a routine, then I stopped schooling, realized what I knew from the classroom had less impact with the real world. Got a job and more responsibilities I never knew I could have
Learned with the setbacks and came back into the classroom with a new perspective, turns out my grades didn't count for shit out there so I pursued more studies outside the classroom like how money works and etc.
You can think of these setbacks like the world is making you its bitch and for good reason. Or you can think of these moments as lessons to live by and you're paying the tuition. You start again again, pero hindi sa scratch, you start with experience.
What if I want to be someone else's bitch and not the world's? Charot.
Thanks for giving a different perspective on this. I wasn't considering my past experiences when I was thinking about it. It's easier to discredit those especially when I feel that the knowledge I currently have barely scratched the surface.
!PIZZA
Palibre chicken nuggets.
natataranta ang tao pag iniisip nila critical ang choices nila.
kaya ang masasabi ko lang. pwede mo utangan sina witty or adam. HAHAHAHA.
teka bakit ako mangungutang? HAHAHAHA
!PIZZA
Hello Arc, maganda credit rating mo sakin so goods to.
Okay now I'm so confused. But I refuse to be confused so I won't try to find answers or solutions to these confusions.
Anyways, there are no wrong choices. Just that these choices may or may not give us a favorable response.
Don't be afraid to fail. Charot I don't know what I'm saying anymore
I hope you'll get past this hurdle Arc. Hang in there!
HAHAHA luv the confusion. Thank u sa pa-support, Witty!
!PIZZA
I can relate to the feeling of being in a room full of landmine not wanting to step on any shit on the ground.. there's a lot to it, fear, not wanting to make any errors, wanting to move forward to the unknown, reach the destination and follow through.. going to the drawing board and starting from the scratch is such a bitch.. pano nga kaya?..
As much having my own shit, share mo nemen how to get off the whirlpool of
Pupu. Hehe All im saying we're all in the same boat.. and i hope we can achieve our hearts desire..
Gambate arc!
Paano nga ba? Hehe. Balang araw kaya may sasagot sa 'tin? Oh wellz~
Gambate Mebu.
!PIZZA
Laban lang arc-laa hahaha happy birthday!
Salamat sa pa-cheer, TP HAHAHA
!PIZZA
Hey, I see you and this resonated with me a lot. Thanks for sharing 😊
Thanks for stopping by, Ish. ✨
!PIZZA
nabasa ko na arc 😘 all i can say is hang in there..
Nyehehe. Thank you, Jude~
!PIZZA
Down to the rabbit hole-- a place too familiar.
Enjoy your stay, Clo. Hehehehe
!PIZZA
Why does it feel like I'm reading my own thoughts?
I do the former but I end up choosing the latter. Playing it safe, I guess. I should really read the book How to Decide.
Maybe we have the same head. HAHAHA
Bah, there's a point in time you can't play it safe anymore. So, tapusin mo na yung libro please. 😂
!PIZZA
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Hey there! If you have a bit more time on your hands perhaps you want to check out the new Threads interface! I saw you Threaded back in August when the interface was buggy, but now it works amazingly and the user experience is awesome!
Will check it out. Cheers, @anomadsoul!