This does not sound like an easy situation. I would not want to be in your shoes.
when my mom died, we found out several truths that were hidden from us as kids of some normal hardships they have had between them over the years. I do remember verbal violence from my father taht back than seemed so normal.
I send you courage.
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Yes, it's quite complicated at the moment! But I think it will also get better with time, it can only go in that direction. It's really not easy sometimes with families !
Thank you for your thoughts and I hope that things have healed on your side too 🤞