This isn't really a rant, more a general whinge and moan about about how I always seem to self-destruct when ever I plan to do something which doesn't work out, and the rest of the day is ruined. I wish I knew why I did this, or better yet, I wish I knew when this happens in real time, so I can react and correct my behavior before it goes to far.
Just need to put this somewhere to vent and move on, and hopefully next weekend I won't be so fucking useless, and the time won't be quite so wasted!
Its been a frustrating weekend, and Saturday (ie yesterday) was pretty much a write off. It all started going wrong on Friday. I had ordered an item from Amazon, and it was due to be delivered on Friday. I was in the office all day, but didn't expect that to be a problem as the amazon delivery drivers usually jut wedge any parcels behind one of my plant pots (or even just abandon it on the doorstep.
Unfortunately I came home to find a little 'missed delivery card' and for no apparent reason parcelforce had been given the item to deliver. On the card it mentioned that it had been taken back to the depot, and the delivery will be reattempted on the 'next working day', what ever that was.
Now, if this had been any other day, then I would have expected it to be redelivered the following day, but it was a Friday... do Parcelforce deliver items on a saturday?
An hour spent on the website eventually yeilded the answer: yes, they do deliver on Saturday, but not Sunday.
And this was a little annoying as the card mentioned they had tried Fridays delivery at 8:35am, which meant there was a real possibility that they would do the same again on Saturday. And Saturday morning I had been planning to go to parkrun as I had missed the last 4 weeks... looks like I'm gonna have to miss it again then.
On Saturday morning I was up early to make sure I was ready, as I didn't want to miss the parcel being delivered. After a couple of hours faffing around the house wating, I trawled the website again and discovered new information: Parcelforce would only deliver on saturdays if that was requested and paid for. The re-delivery wasn't planned, and therefore meant that my parcel was never going to be delivered today
So I could've gone to parkrun in the end!
By now it was too late, and as is often the way when I've planned to do something, and then not been able to do it, I sat and sulked for the rest of the day.
No interest.
No motivation.
Nothing.
I wasn't even interested in getting out for a run...
Just me wallowing in fucking misery again, stuck in yet another downward spiral
And then it gets to Saturday evening, and I realise I've wasted yet another Saturday. I really need to stop doing this, but I just seem to get stuck in a hole.
Today is Sunday.
Today I need to try to salvage what I can before I end up wasting another weekend.
I made a concerted effort to get up early, and after a bit of indecision I decide I want to go into town. I need to get out of the house, and the fresh air would do me good. I also need a couple of things sorting out, and maybe a little bit of retail therapy would cheer me up?
I usually get the bus in, but today I decided I would walk in... the city centre is only 3 miles away, and the long walk would kinda make up for the long run I've missed out on yesterday
I set off just after 9:30 AM, and it was a pleasant enough wander down the hill and up the high street in to the city centre... just a brief pause at the train tacks for a rare Sunday train to pass through
The first place to go was to Clarks for some new shoes. My work shoes are ahem past their best. I suspect they are nearly 5 years old and get daily use to to work etc. About 6 months ago they got soaked through while I was walking home, and since then they've developed an annoying squeak when I walk. There's holes in the sole as well, and some of the leather is started to come apart... they are well used!
don't let that 'Sale' sign fool you... there were a dozen ladies shoes inside with half-price stickers on, everything ese was full price!
I don't mind too much though, you get what you pay for when it comes to shoes, and I'm happy to pay for quality
Next up was a question regarding a watch. My Dad wants a new watch for Christmas, and as an ardent Brighton and Hove Albion football fan, he really wants this watch:
Unfortunately it only comes with a metal strap, and he would much prefer a leather strap (I'm the same to be honest, never have got on with metal staps either, it just seems to irritate the skin somehow)
What I wanted to know was if it is possible to change the metal strap to a leather strap
I mean, it seems kinda obvious to me that you should be able to do this, but a quick google didn't help... and I don't want to fork out for the watch (its not cheap) and then find out it couldn't be changed, as Dad will refuse to wear it
I popped into one of the jewelers for some advise, and the lady in their very helpfully advised me to check out the Lincoln Watch Clinic, and even gave me directions...
Oh...
Annoyingly it appears to be closed on Sundays... thats not very helpful!
At least I have somewhere else to go though, so I suspect I'll be back in town next weekend next Saturday, to see if he can advise me further.
The final item I needed was a couple of new black short-sleeved shirts, which I picked up from Primark
When I arrived home I realized I had been an idiot and instead of 2 short-sleeved shirts, I had mistakenly picked up 1 short-sleeve and 1 long-sleeve shirt in error
Godammit!
Oh well, I've got to go back in next week for he watch question, I might as well take this shirt back in with me, just gotta keep the receipt safe, and then I should be able to exchange it without too much fuss!
I did treat myself to a new jumper while I was there:
I don't like my current Xmas jumper as its just too thick, and I overheat too quickly in it. This new one is much thinner, plus I really like the film... The Nightmare before Christmas is an enjoyable watch at Halloween, Christmas, or indeed at any other time of year... really good fun.
It's also mostly black, which will be an accurate reflection of my festive spirit (or lack thereof!) during the 'Holiday Season'!!
And finally, it was time to stop off at one more shop... I couldn't walk all the way into town and not check out HMV to see if there were any treats in store.
I was checking out the 'new' metal releases, ans stumbled across this one by My Dying Bride - A Mortal Binding. It isn't actual a new realease as it actually came out way back in April this year, but I didn't have this one, and I have a couple of previous albums by them.
My Dying Bride are an established Doom Metal act... with quite a distinctive sound. There's elements of Gothic and Death Metal, and with a fairly melancholic approach they get close to sounding like Funeral Doom at times
This youtube video shows one of my fave songs from them, called 'Feel The Misery' and from the album with the same name and illustrates, the overiding sense of sadness that permeates through the bands sound:
As for their new album, I've got it on now... and it sounds just like I expected it too. The band can be a little claustrophobic and difficult to listen too at times, so I'll need a couple of spins of this before I am able to get 'into it', but I'm sure it will be worth the effort
And with all my shopping done, and feeling a bit more like I've actually managed to achieve something this weekend, I started to head for home.
I did try catching the bus, but I had just missed it, and the next one wouldn't turn up for 40 minutes... I decided it would be better just to walk back home again... so I did...
I do feel a little better for that, and the long walk and fresh air certainly helped.
Now if I can work out how to stop this negative destructive response whenever I get derailed... that would be useful too... I just seem to get stuck wallowing in abject misery, and it's so hard to snap myself out of it.
But hey, I guess we'll see what next weekend brings...
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It’s definitely important to have the negative situations because it teaches us lessons but it’s also equally as important to understand the lessons themselves we are trying to be taught. It’s ok to have these things every once in a while where we waste a day but not all the time.
I'm not sure what the lesson was here... 'don't let my negative thoughts overwhelm me?' Kind of hard to do when it was happening, but looking back at it today I can see how it all played out, and how I let a small problem take root and ruin the whole day.
Trying to be more aware of the negative stuff when it rears its head at the start will help, but thats something I definitely need to work on!
Yeah a healthy dose of reflection certainly helps! We shouldn't be always in a state of reflection but if you have a day that's abnormal, that's ok but just spend a little extra time over a few days or week and try to sort out what got you there and how to get away from that next time if possible. Sometimes it's not always possible to do that but we can certainly try!
I hope your mood improves. Sorting out deliveries can be a pain. It does help that between us we can be at home most days if necessary, but you don't want to be tied down.
I rarely do much shopping apart from groceries these days, but I do prefer to buy clothes in person.
I hope so too... there are often good days and bad days, but Saturday turned out to be pretty rubbish all round!
I did eventually receive those headphones today, so that helped a little, plus I was busy at work which helped to take my mind off the negative self talk.
Clothes are one of the few things I need to buy in person, mostly to check the fit is correct, but fabrics/designs always look different in person and I want to know what I'm actually getting