This is 2025, and if you told someone just 30 years ago that there would come a time where you would be able to talk to someone miles away through video chat, they would have told you that you watched a lot of science fiction. But today, we hold virtual meetings, we now work from home, and we are able to connect to a lot more people than we could ever have dreamed of.
Paradoxically, we are a more lonely generation. Loneliness has somehow become the defining crisis of our modern lives. Nearly one in three adults worldwide report feeling lonely. And loneliness was declared a public health epidemic that is as deadly as smoking 15 sticks of cigarettes by the US Surgeon General in 2023.
How Technology Betrayed Us
The selling point for most social media apps is that they would bring people closer. To an extent, it would be difficult to say that they haven't met that promise. However, the question that we should ask is, how did they do that? Through Facebook, Twitter (X), and Instagram, more people are meeting more people in a world of performative intimacy. Yes, we are meeting more people, we are having more likes and followers, we're forming more connections, but we are forming fewer deep and fulfilling connections.
We have replaced heartfelt conversations with transactional interactions. We trade likes, emojis, etc., with one another in order to satisfy our dopamine urges, but our emotional needs remain largely unmet. Our endless scrolling through engineered pictures and fabricated lifestyles has served to fuel our sense of insecurity, leaving us naked and a ripe target for the wolves of emotional wreckage.
Our Third Places Have Collapsed
While in school, we were taught about something known as a triangle lifestyle. A triangle lifestyle refers to a person whose life revolves around three places: home, school, and probably church or mosque. Some people replaced the church or mosque with clubbing. The idea was that everyone had at least three places where they shared a significant part of their lives.
Sociologist Ray Oldenburg coined the term "third places." It described the physical places outside of home (first place) and work (second place) where communities gather in an organic manner. They could be churches, libraries, parks, cafes, etc.
We are now losing these third places because we are turning to more urban designs and prioritizing profits over people. We now have remote work and digital isolation (why meet up in person if we can always meet on Slack?). And because we are seeing a lot of horror movies, that includes kidnappings and rapes, there is a heightened fear of strangers, leaving us in a primarily distrustful state for casual interactions. Everyone is on edge and wary of starting up a conversation with a stranger.
The Vulnerability Void
Loneliness isn't just about being alone; it is more about feeling that you are not being seen. With social media, we are all encouraged to put out a version of ourselves that is not authentic. So we are not vulnerable on social media. We are afraid to admit that we are struggling, bored with life, or need help. And it looks like the more we embrace social media, the more digital versions of ourselves we create... creating a vicious cycle for ourselves.
Technology connects us, but it also gives us permission to hide.
The only time that you and I will be able to overcome loneliness is when we are no longer hiding. We can only overcome loneliness by being vulnerable as our true selves, something we cannot do on social media today due to the multiplicity of personas.
The Lasting Shadow of the Pandemic
COVID-19 didn't create loneliness; it has always been there. However, the lockdown seemed to pour gasoline on already burning coal. It normalized isolation, and hybrid work blurred boundaries between professional and personal life. Many people never fully relearned how to relate with others after that.
Now, it is really difficult to find people who are not exhausted by small talk. Most people are now straight-to-the-point kind of people, and if it can be done online, then most people will do it online. People now find it extremely difficult to face others and own up to their shortcomings. People would rather cancel plans via text message than show up imperfectly.
Why Is This Bad for Us?
Well, the lonelier people are, the more prone they are to mental health issues. People who are lonely are more likely to be depressed, suffer from more anxiety and panic attacks, and are unable to function properly as time goes on.
More people are committing suicide today than we have ever had in the world. More people see less reason for living today than they did 20 years ago. Children are struggling with addictions, depression and anxiety at a very early age and grow up to be very damaged adults.
Is There Anything That We Can Do About It?
The loneliness epidemic requires systemic and personal adjustments. However, I will be talking about the personal adjustments that need to be made because I believe that if the personal adjustments are made, they can go a long way in instigating systemic changes.
Try some more analogue connection. Instead of sending rapid-fire text messages or typing endless emojis, try using handwritten notes, try phone calls, and try the best one of all—a face-to-face conversation.
You might want to join a club, one that is offline. Book clubs, volunteer organizations, etc.—these will force us to show up as humans and not as avatars. If there is no club around you, guess what? You can create one yourself and get people around you to join it.
You might want to embrace the awkwardness by sending the first "Want to grab a coffee?" text without overthinking it.
Set digital boundaries—you might want to delete the apps that drain you. If scrolling through Instagram leaves you empty, then delete it. You should keep only tools that will help you foster meaningful interaction.
Instead of scrolling on TikTok late at night, how about calling a friend?
The Bottom Line
We have built a world optimized for convenience, not connection; efficiency, not empathy. But we are resilient. By prioritizing *presence *over *performance *and *depth *over dopamine, we can discover the irreplaceable magic of being truly seen.
The next time you feel lonely, remember that you are not really craving more followers on TikTok. You are craving a hand to hold, a laugh that is in sync with yours, a silence that does not feel heavy, a smile that will brighten your day, an ear that would listen to you cry, a shoulder that you can lean on. That is not too much to ask—it is the very reason why we are here.
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Regarding what you say that people feel alone in the world is very true, technology cool relationships, eliminates the pleasure of smelling people's perfume, the aroma of a flower when they deliver it to you and the warm feeling of A hug or a strong hands.
On the other hand, people are those who are bad trying to appear what are not by social networks, networks are right to socialize, meet people, but humanity has decided to project and live on appearances deceiving others, showing them lives that They do not live. In this sense the problem and responsibility is in an alarming percentage of people who are not able to realize that networks show you lives that are not real in the majority. You have to have enough critical thinking so as not to be fooled by this.
On my part, I have chosen to be alone and away from the people because the current state of the world depresses me, seeing that there are so many stupid people, unable to do things intelligently, to get out of the addiction to vertical dopamine, that of seeing Videos and comments on social networks, when preferably what they should do is get together in a place to talk and invent things, as people did before, in other times. Thus the great revolutions, the great deeds and the great ideas were formed.
All the best.
I'm sorry to hear that's the current state of the world depresses you. However, I don't think that choosing to be alone and away from people would be the solution to how you feel at the moment. We are social animals, and we are made in such a way that we crave social interaction. Even an introverted person's world craves for a hug or at least someone to talk to.
It is true that people choose to be a completely different person on social media and that has affected a lot of people in a variety of ways. However, there's really little or nothing that we can do about it other than taking what we see on social media or the huge bucket of salt
I have lived isolated voluntarily for 40 years, for different reasons I have been saying that "segregated" I could start explaining the reasons but I would get out of the main focus of the topic we talk.
What we can do is make clear people that social media is an illusion in its great major good.
We are facing a great dilemma, people need to meet more frequently in the squares, leave TV and telephones at home, start soccer, attend the stadiums, bars and listen to live bands, play chess in the parks, interact.
Basically Doctor, the solution I find that it is in education, and in raising awareness.
I am inclined to agree with you. Raising awareness about the importance of meeting physically and how that is vital for mental health and well-being needs to be a priority.
I must say that he takes a lot of devotion, grit, and tenacity to be able to leave in isolation for as long as you've done.
It is not what costs, because for me it is easy to do it, but what I question is whether the value of the experience that I will enjoy overcoming the happiness and pleasure that my loneliness gives me, as well as to be able to do it.
In most cases the answer is "no" and that is why so much time in solitude 😀
!pizza
What this means to me: communication is 30% words. When we don’t see people, we lose so much information to the brain that it feels fake and not to be trusted. After the response on Covid, this is a whirlpool of mistrust and loneliness.
It is unfortunate. The world timeline has been divided into Pre-COVID and Post-COVID
For me personally, it feels that way. Thanks you for the post, it is very informative and a good read. I hope you can reach many readers with it
You're welcome. And thank you for your support
Shared the post with big pleasure 🙏
Interesting! Fortunately I've known new people during the last years and they make my world a better place, but they live far away from me and I feel lonely in my village. I'm with them at work or in holidays. In normal days we are connected online.
Staying connected to people is always important.
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Thank you
There are for sure a lot of social issues going on right now because of technology. It’s always been the case I think except now we have it in a different form - since we can’t spend as much time in the same room as someone it does hurt peoples social abilities!
it sure does damage to social skills when we are less present physically and more present digitally
Interesting update
Thanks