We frequently encounter unanticipated challenges in life, whether it's a sudden change in plans, a personal crisis, or simply a small disagreement that suddenly gets out of hand. These unexpected changes can make us feel stressed, bewildered, or uneasy, especially as we approach the conclusion of a busy week. As we encounter life’s unforeseen turns, our mental well-being can suffer, particularly when we are caught off guard by the emotional ups and downs.
Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of my blog this week. Today, I’m going to share a few rants about what happened throughout February. If you're curious, just keep on reading!
As we enter the month of February, we often consider it the month of love because of Valentine's Day. While everyone becomes busy at work, receiving beautiful flowers and sweet chocolates, we are physically happy and content. In my case, I was also one of the people who experienced that. However, from a mental perspective, I was already mentally drained without even realizing it. I began to experience sudden hand shaking and palpitations. I wondered what was really happening because, to me, I felt fine and thought I was okay. But then I realized I was experiencing anxiety attacks throughout the entire month of February.
Whenever I ride a jeepney on my way home, I feel restless. I don’t have the strength to cry, but I can only feel my hands shaking terribly every day. When I get home, I can feel my heart palpitating. I don’t know what’s triggering it because I know, deep down, that we weren’t that busy throughout February. I thought it was triggered by my inner trauma, but I was wrong. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, but I couldn’t really explain it to him because sometimes I’d stutter over my words. Eventually, I decided to let it go and just let it happen… until this week, when something happened.
On February 27, 2025, during our weekly team meeting, I was really happy. After the meeting, our team leader shared an unexpected event that happened on the evening of February 26, 2025, around 9 PM. The situation involved confronting one of the teachers in the company who has Bipolar Disorder.
To summarize what happened that night: she was caught using her cellphone in the lesson area. One of our team members approached her, but she misunderstood the situation, feeling like she was being accused of something. Our team just wanted her to admit that she had been using the phone. Things escalated when they went to the meeting room, and the teacher began raising her middle finger at everyone, using foul language. The worst part was when she hurt herself in front of everyone, triggered by her disorder.
Before our meeting on February 27, 2025, she went to the clinic to file for undertime. I told her that since it was still too early, she might as well just be absent and provide a medical certificate. However, she raised her voice in front of me, and that’s when I was triggered. During the meeting, as our team leader shared everything, I raised my hand to explain what had happened earlier, and that’s when I began to cry harder. I explained to the team what had happened that day, even though I was crying. Afterward, I decided to cry even harder, secretly, in bed. I was triggered because I hadn’t been feeling good the past few weeks, and then that incident happened.
As the meeting continued, I was already in bed, crying, and feeling sorry for myself because everyone had seen me cry, and I didn’t want that. I felt pity for myself because I realized I was already drained from work. I wasn’t triggered by my trauma, but I was triggered because I had started questioning my job as a nurse. It wasn’t easy.
As the meeting ended, I continued crying, but then I suddenly decided to postpone my breakdown when an emergency arose with another teacher who needed immediate treatment. That teacher was experiencing shortness of breath and had already manifested a carpal spasm. I grabbed the wheelchair and immediately helped that employee. I didn’t care how my eyes or appearance looked; I was just focused on helping that teacher.
After my shift, I went home and messaged my boyfriend to tell him what had happened. He felt pity for me because he could sense what I was going through that day. He wanted to see me, and when we met, I cried even harder. He just hugged me and tried to sympathize with my emotions. I knew deep down that I couldn’t handle this kind of anxiety because there were so many manifestations.
As I calmed down, we talked, and that’s when I realized that the anxiety I had been experiencing over the past few weeks was actually a manifestation of being burned out from work. I felt better afterward; my heart felt free because I had let everything out. It felt like I was talking to the right person, someone who wouldn’t judge me, but who offered love and genuine words instead.
My boyfriend knows that I’m still processing everything, and he’s been so patient with me. To help me feel better, we decided to have a simple date, and he suggested we get some comfort food. He knows how much I love fried chicken and fries, so we went to Boss Manok. As we sat down to eat, it was more than just a meal, it was a chance to unwind and talk things through. We shared laughs, and between bites of crispy chicken and golden fries, he gently asked me how I was feeling today. His kindness and the comfort of familiar food helped me feel a little lighter, and I could sense that he truly cared about how I was doing, giving me the space to process everything in my own time.
Mental health is incredibly difficult to fight. Some people manage to cope with it, while others struggle more. It’s not easy because, physically, I might appear fine and healthy, but mentally, I’m not. As a nurse by profession, working as a company nurse, I still face the challenge of experiencing mental breakdowns. It can feel isolating and frustrating, especially when you feel like you're supposed to be the one helping others, but you’re struggling with your own emotional and mental well-being. It’s a reminder that no one is immune to mental health struggles, regardless of their job or title.
If you’re experiencing something similar, please remember that it's okay to not be okay. If your mental health feels like it's becoming too much to handle, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. They are trained to guide you through those tough times and offer the support you need. However, if it feels more manageable, sometimes all you need is to cry it out or talk to someone you trust deeply, someone who listens without judgment. Taking the time to process your emotions and reach out for support is an important step in healing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and connect with my thoughts today. I’m excited to continue sharing my journey with you, and I hope you found something here that resonated or sparked an idea. This blog is a space for growth, inspiration, and conversation, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, feedback, or experiences in the comments. Feel free to share if something stood out to you. Here’s to many more stories, lessons, and moments of connection ahead! See you in the next post!