I'm sorry to hear about your problems, but it's a first step to write them down and be open about it. Maybe it would not be a bad idea to talk to someone, try to figure out how to make the next step, how to get out of this situation as the deeper it goes, the harder it is. Although I don't know you, I don't think you are autistic or have Asperger's, you would have been diagnosed if that would be the case.
I hope you find a way out of it and I'm glad to see you're active on Hive, writing about what's going on in your life. That helps.
Yeah, I'm probably not autistic, but I feel like an alien sometimes. Even if it's equivalent to screaming in a cave, it feels nice to let some of this crap out.
This is why I told you to try to post and engage on Hive, who knows, it may help a bit :)