Image prompted on Gemini
She’s not known to be a master of her emotions. They are always all over the place even from something as trivial as a song lyric. Despite all that, she finds herself drawn to things that always rip her apart, just like now, as she stared at the screen shoved in her face by Kesha, her friend. The headline was blow enough, but the picture below that was mind shattering.
Even so, despite all she is, all she is known for, she was surprisingly calm. She felt nothing but a chilling sensation at the base of her spine. He looked so happy. So happy holding her, both in white and black outfit with a baseball cap and masks covering their faces. Their hands conjoined, and with the other she held a water bottle. Vanessa couldn’t see him fully with his head down but his eyes crinkled at the sides from this angle of the photo and she knew that look. She had been a receptor of that look. Satisfaction. Happiness. Pleasure.
“Vanny.”
She had spaced out. Memories assaulting her and leaving a numbness in their wake. Tae-Hyun.
“Say something. I knew it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Kesha said all in one breath, throwing her phone on the mattress behind her and scooting closer to where Vanessa sat cross-legged on the rug, feeling nothing. There was nothing.
“What should I say? He has moved on from the looks of it. I’m happy for him.” Vanessa said.
Her friend gave her a stony look, “You should see your face relaying those words. You look like a robot. Stop it. You’re scaring me. Come on. Let’s watch a movie.”
“No. Kesha. I need to go home. I want to rest. I want sleep.”
Vanessa pretended not to notice the concern on her friend’s face, the monotony in her own voice and the cold that continued to spread throughout her body, tingles pricking at her fingertips. She just needed to go home.
“Vanny, please. I can’t let you go home. Not like this.” Kesha stood with her as she gathered her belongings. It was supposed to be girls night. They’d been apart for weeks due to the harsh conditions of their jobs and the unfavorable timings. She was excited to finally see her friend again but now, she just wanted silence. Solitude.
“It’s late.” Kesha continued, trying to pry her bag from her shoulder where it hung.
Vanessa looked into her eyes, she couldn’t feel her face. She felt nothing but cold.
“I’ll text you when I get home. I love you.”
With that said, she let herself out the one room apartment, not minding that it was almost 2am in the morning. Her place was only few blocks away. She could take a cab, they still ran at this time, headlights flashed just as her legs hit the bottom of the stairs of the one story building. Her throat felt tight and breathing became a struggle. Her legs moved on their own accord, one in front of the other. Everything was a blur. The lights, the wind, the buildings. It was tunnel vision until she somehow made it into her empty, cold room. Not as cold as she felt but cold nonetheless. With a thump, her bag hit the floor and she wasted no time crawling underneath the covers.
1…2…3
She chanted in her mind, willing her demons to go away. They did, but the memories stayed. Memories of him…
It was early July two years ago when she moved in with her uncle in a small town just outside the urban area of the state he lived. He mostly stayed on his own with his bedridden wife but his children, all years older than she was, dropped by to visit. When Uncle went grocery shopping, she remained with Henrietta, his wife, who was always almost lifeless, save for her eyes that followed movement.
She had a routine. Get up. Stretch. Coffee. Breakfast and then study. She didn’t have to worry about money or anything because Uncle provided her with everything. Her parents were not far off either, just two hours away by flight. She chose this place to further her Masters Program so as to get away from them. She needed freedom. Only twenty-two, she graduated Summa cum laude in Biomedical Engineering at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. From when she turned ten, she was already groomed to become what her parents designed. Their legacy in medicine from a long line of physicians, biochemists and doctors would not end with her. It was a knowledge seared into her brain. Yet, she needed to feel a little normal. If two years was all she had, she wouldn’t hesitate to take it and she didn’t. It took much convincing mostly done by Uncle but she was finally free of her golden cage.
In the beginning, it started as prickles on her skin. She thought it was the onset of winter, but then as time progressed, she became acutely aware of being watched. The coffee shop. At home. The kitchen. She would dismiss it.
Until that faithful evening. She was at the sink, doing the dishes. Uncle had gone to bed, the fridge hummed in the room with the lights on. She felt it. The hairs at the back of her neck stood on end and as if compelled to, she lifted her head. Her gaze settled on the window, the louvres a sharp contrast that faded as her focus bound across and unto a figure. A shirtless figure. A man, in the house with windows facing theirs, arms stretched over them, smoldering eyes angled to meet hers. She gasped and a clatter brought her back her bearings. A plate had slipped and thankfully didn’t break. When she looked up again, he was gone. Almost like it never happened. She could still see from here into the window opposite. She had always believed no one lived there.
Days went by and that image continually played in her mind. She’d catch herself staring from the kitchen, hoping to get a glimpse of what she’d seen. At a point, she began to believe that it was a figment of her imagination until she bumped into him on her way out of the coffee shop. He was dressed in a leather jacket, a white polo vest that stretched taut over his pectorals and displayed rock hard abs. He felt like a wall, unmovable, even as his hand went behind her to prevent her fall. His face… she could have sworn he was an Angel, midnight black hair fell over his eyes, that held the same look she peeped that night; smoldering, promising.
He was first to apologise. His eyes crinkled at the sides with his smile as he helped her gather her things from the floor. She was awestruck, watching him carefully. Nimble fingers worked fast to stack books on each other and when he came up, she noticed his monolids. Even so, they did nothing to subtract from his charm, if anything, they added to it, making him appear almost boyish. Like a teenager.
He’d asked for her name after that to which she replied, tucking her books on her arm.
“Vanessa.” He repeated slowly, as though tasting it. The base of her spine tingled with awareness and suddenly, she felt like a lamb before a wolf.
“Tae-hyun. Or just call me Tae. Or TK. Whichever floats your boat.”
“TK?”
He smiled, as though he expected her question. She could tell it was a normal occurrence.
“Yes. The K stands for King. Another one of my nicknames.”
She nodded, and then thanked him, starting to leave when his hand caught her forearm. It was soft against her skin. Though his grip was firm, she felt none of the hardiness that came with that of other men such as her dad and Uncle. She had been sheltered all her life, only meeting and talking with a handful of men, mostly close family.
“Where are you headed? Let me take you.” He said pointing to a car she only just noticed. She was going home, it was only a few minutes walk. As someone who’d grown up accustomed to different cars and their interiors, the walks was something she appreciated. She also enjoyed the fact that her Uncle was far different from his brother, her father. He was a simple man despite his background and he loved to keep it that way. She reveled in that and despite the allure of this man, she wasn’t going to waste any of the opportunities she had been given.
“It’s fine. I love walking. I’m walking home.”
“Then I’ll walk you. We are neighbors and I enjoy your company.”
Her face flamed at the memory of that night. He had indeed seen her. Has he been watching her? She was too shy to ask. Embarrassed at the thought.
They walked together, making small talk. He had grown here and had family scattered all over the world. He was twenty-six and came back in from South Korea after six years because he missed his home. He had traveled at least 10 countries in his life and here she was, making her first trip out of state. Intimidation and attraction laced together in the pits of her stomach. He was very outgoing and attentive, yet she couldn’t fathom what he wanted. Mommy had told her that the opposite sex could never be just friends. So what did he want?
It continued that way over the days. He would appear as she came out for coffee and would drive her for lectures. She wasn’t complaining as she enjoyed his company too, but that didn’t stop the questions from coming. Especially when he reached for her hand and held it firmly over the console of his car, interlacing their fingers. Her head had snapped in his direction but he didn’t look at her. His eyes remained fixed on the road, his hair in a permed mullet, shadowing his eyes and sharpening his side profile. Can anyone be more handsome?
She had felt heat pool to her stomach and further down when he kissed the back of her hand, his hooded eyes staring into hers as he did so. The feel of his lips was like morphine to her already overdosed brain. Her breathing became uneven and his eyes darkened, as though he could feel what he was doing to her.
“I’ll pick you up. Same time?”
She only nodded and then leapt as fast as she could out of the car. Throughout the droning voice of the professor, she only heard the beating of her own heart as the memory kept playing over and over in her mind. They were approaching a dangerous line. He wanted more. She may be inexperienced but she wasn’t stupid. What frightened her was how willing she was to let him have his way. It frightened and excited her.
More days passed as their interaction continued. Tae finally asked her out. A real date. However, no one saw the death of Aunt Henrietta. She died in her sleep. Peaceful Uncle said. Vanessa’s parents and cousins flew in for the funeral, limiting her once again as Daddy drove her everywhere. For two weeks, she didn’t see Tae. She never thought anything could ache like the feeling of his absence.
When her parents finally flew back, she went looking for him. His number was not going through and she just missed him. No one answered the door after so many chimes of the doorbell. It took a while before she finally registered that his car wasn’t in sight. Disappointed, she left.
Days turned into months and Christmas rolled around. Tae was still no where in sight. Maybe he was finally tired of her? Mommy told her that men get bored easily and why she should remain chaste for her husband.
“He will cherish you then.” She had told her.
But she has not even as much as kissed Tae. They’ve only held hands and he pecked her on the cheek once, dangerously close to her lips but that was it. Was that all it took to lose his interest? But it was clear he wasn’t around. Maybe a family emergency? He said his family are in different countries and he goes occasionally to visit, especially South Korea. Maybe he went on to see them.
But those days turned to months, and months to over a year and now, she was in bed, covered up as she recalled what she saw.
“K-pop Idol, Won Tae-hyun engaged to beloved actress, Cha Ji-soo”
Hot tears pooled down her face as the cold dissipated leaving a deep sadness she had never known. She had googled his name after waiting almost year,
“TK - Won Tae-Hyun King of Pop” was what greeted her first followed by his image and a detailed description of his career. He was an orphan, and started into the industry at fifteen. Questioning why he would lie to her, she stumbled on an interview he gave three years back. His fans were his family. They were scattered all over the world. He hadn’t lied, she just never asked.
She followed him from then. His news the first thing she searched out upon her wake and his face the last thing she gazed upon within the confines of her phone screen. He was so beautiful. Would he come back?
He never did. Even when she graduated and finally stood up to her parents concerning what she wanted to do with her life. Even when they disowned her and Uncle took her in. Even when a U-haul came and emptied the house he used to occupy. He never came back. And now, he is getting married.
She sobbed, crying into her sheets within the darkness. Heartbroken and angry. How dare he? How could he?
Minutes or hours, Vanessa wasn’t certain how long had passed before she sat up and wiped her face. That was it. That was how much she meant to him. Not so much as a goodbye. And she would remember it. She was not going to forget.
I loved
😊
Well that was an ending I never saw coming. Although , TK spending six years in South Korea from 20 - 26 had me thinking something was up, knowing of your love of South Korean things!
Great story but an even greater thing is the feeling of seeing your write again Deraa!
Thank you so much. Hahaha. I'm glad I got the result I was aiming for. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. Means a lot to me.
You are very welcome. I hope there is more to come in the not too distant future!
This is heartbreakingly beautiful, @deraaa! I feel Vanessa's pain and can't help but imagine her and TK finding each other after some years. They deserve a second chance. You portray love, longing and loss beautifully in this piece. An enjoyable read. Well done! Thank you for posting your fiction in the Scholar N Scribe community. ✨
Oh Kemmy. Truth be told, I was notified of your comment and went to read it the moment I saw. I was somehow inspired and propelled to write another piece of it. Lol. Two hours. And then I forgot to come reply. Thank you so much for this beautiful comment.
Yes! I can’t wait to read more about Vanessa and TK.
This is absolutely lovely Deraa, I was hooked till the very last line.
Sincerely I hope she moves on even if they do meet again and doesn't get sick to her stomach when she hears of him. It's not worth it trying to hold on to something or someone you never really had in the first place.
Yeah. Holding on could just be dangerous even more so than letting go. Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a wonderful comment. 🌹
A charming love story with an ending that surprised me. It was a pleasure to read, with the well-crafted narrative and the way you portray the girl's feelings, making them very real. Excellent work.
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Excellent Thursday.