Your usage of words and pleasant flattering statement is top notch, I was constantly reminiscing with the appealing paragraphs. It has been a while that i have read a well constructed, creatively structured and short story that captivated my attention to this extent.
But then the story turns out to be a tragic comedy, I'm a little confused with whom is speaking during the lengthy paragraph, you tend to jump into each character without any prior indication or notice like "she said" or "he said" or their names and columns, especially during the elongated paragraphs.
This technique is usually used to attribute a particular statement to a character to know who is saying what.
Because at the last paragraph I was a little bit confused about who owns the test result the Dr is holding unto, though it occurred to me that it must be the woman since she is the one that is pregnant.
But it could also be a twist and it might be Shaun.
Pop in from #dreemport
hey there, Emrysjobber 😊thank you for taking the time to read part 1 of my new short story.
I reread it after reading your comment and yes... I see that!!! Maybe not so clear who was speaking at the point when she asks... And if she's a girl?... although it becomes clear when you read he replied. Point noted though.
As for the last section... again agreed... it is not clear who is the patient... yet. This was not done on purpose... but turns out it does make for an interesting opportunity to twist the narrative !LOLZ
I absolutely love that you took the time to truly read this piece and engage so meaningfully. Some great points raised. I think I shall leave the last question open until part 2... but I promise it will all start to become clearer. To be honest, this was going to be a one-part short story of 2000 odd words, and not serialised, but I wanted to get my thoughts down in a way that I was happy to see them on the page and I realised I would run out of time and did not want to rush the ending... so part 1 is on the shorter side... but parts 2 and potentially 3 will be longer and dig deeper.
Thank you so much!
!LUV !ALIVE !PIZZA
I dropped in from my favourite Port this evening... Dreemport #dreemerforlife
Wow, a twist that was not purposely done by the author, the story must have it's own mind😅, it sounds more amazing.
Speaking of the possibility of chapter/part 2 and 3, I wouldn't want to miss out on any of the chapters or part because I came to know of this amazing story through dreemport. I wouldn't mind being tagged along, to ensure I don't miss any of the part.
Yep - stories and characters have a way of leading us in directions not anticipated. thanks for pointing this possible twist out to me!... Usually, this would pose an interesting challenge and some hours of thoughtful ponderance...but there are specific things that have to happen in this story for it to work the way I want it to... Appreciate your insights, always. i see you often in the comments on dreemers' posts 🙌 !PIZZA
It is always an honour to read a fellow dreemer post, it was worth every bit of time spent while reading.
Thanks for sharing🤗🤗
Congratulations 🥳
@emrysjobber Your comment nominated by @samsmith has been selected as the Dreemport’s Comment of the Day.
@emrysjobber have been awarded with 50 Dreem Tokens.
@samsmith1971 because of being the Dreemport staff, no tokens for you but there is !LUV and !HUG from my side 😘
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It is such a great privilege to be bestowed this honourable title.
I appreciate the token, thanks for the encouragement #dreemport
@samsmith1971 thanks for the nomination, it is highly appreciated.
Keep up your good work.
Keep Dreeming 🙂