an intriguing section.
a few suggestions, if you don't mind.
a lot of paragraphs are very similar length. if you write some longer passages of description, inner thought, or dialogue, that will help add variety. also for me, I'd like to see some deeper description of surroundings to help anchor the setting.
'I' is used a lot and this is understandable for a 1st person POV. but, for me, it becomes distracting. it might be worth thinking of different ways to construct the sentence to avoid so many 'I'
eg >> I grabbed another book when I heard a small voice. “Excuse me, can you reach that book right there?” I turned to face the person speaking. It was a kid, no more than 8 no doubt. He was pointing to a book at a shelf right in front of my face, so I grabbed it and hesitantly gave it to him. He smiled a toothy grin, despite the fact one of his front teeth was missing.
could be something like: I'd just grabbed another book when a small voice behind me said, 'Excuse me, can you reach that book right there?'. On turning I was faced with a young boy, no more than eight at a guess. He pointed earnestly at a book just level with my face. The book was (description of subject - eg, all about dinosaurs) and he must have been worried I was going to refuse him. 'Please,' he implored. Handing it down to him rewarded me with a large toothy grin, with a gap where a front tooth was missing.
anyway, just my thoughts, use or ignore as desired, and I look forward to seeing where we go next
I definitely agree. I admit this was sort of a trial run to get back into these stories and it's certainly not the best written thing I've done. I've been trying to use less "I" but I obviously can tell there are way too many of them still.
Thank you for reading and for the feedback, it really helps!