This is such a fun and intriguing continuation of the story! The worldbuilding here is impressive, with Francesca Findabair’s introduction adding layers of depth and mystery. I love how you’ve described her—a figure of immense power and history, yet with an understated appearance that contrasts with her legendary exploits. It makes her feel both intimidating and approachable. The interactions between the characters are lively and full of personality, especially with Edmund, whose cheerful demeanor and playful snack antics bring a lighthearted touch to the otherwise serious situation.
Mary’s internal conflict is relatable and well-written—her hero worship of Francesca is palpable, and the way you capture her emotional vulnerability when confronted by Francesca’s perceptiveness is very moving. The blend of light humor, tense moments, and character development keeps the story engaging, and I’m curious to learn more about the blue dragon, Trax’rion, and how Francesca might help with the impending danger.
The little hints at the end, like Francesca’s comment about elves, also add to the intrigue, making me wonder how these relationships will evolve as the story continues. It’s a well-paced, character-driven chapter that leaves me wanting to know more about this group’s journey. Great work!
Thank you so much for this long and thoughtful comment!
The worldbuilding and Francesca Findabair and Edmund's appearance and demeanor are all inspired by how our DM (@marydm) described them around our D&D table. He's a really good storyteller!
As far as Mary - I'm really happy that you've enjoyed her conflict, I always worry that her inner monologue is either too much or not enough :)
Thank you, again, for such an in-depth analysis of this chapter! I hope you like the next parts of the story as well! <3