You've all heard about the 5 second rule when you drop food, right? I used to practice this until one time I suffered the consequences. Don't do that. It's disgusting. You'll regret it. But that's not the rule I'm talking about here.
Some time ago, one of the values we studied and practiced and learned in our homeschooling journey is honesty. We read several different stories about it including the famous story of George Washington and the cherry tree. The lesson being no matter how scary it is, one must tell the truth and face the consequenced of their action. My daughter concluded that being honest also entails being brave. And I agree with her.
From then on, she has always practiced telling the truth not just because honesty is the best policy but because she knows that it is the right thing to do. And I am so happy about this. Until she started telling the truth about everything. Itnis true, truth rrally does hurt. Especially when it comes from a child.
One time, we saw a kid with a limp. I concluded it must have come from a disease or the kid might have been born with it, we really aren't sure. Now, my kid is a very observant child. So she blurted out her observation. A little too loud, the mom might have heard it. I just gave out an awkward smile to the mom and then I talked to my daughter about it.
At first, I did not really know what to say. I know I want my kid to be honest and always speak the truth no matter how difficult that truth is. But I also want her to have a heary that is considerate of other people's feelings. Butnof course still be able to tell the truth. I was in a bit of a pickle at that point.
I know a few people who are too rude and disguises their rudeness as just being honest. I actually admire them for being truthful and frank but still despise them for being too harsh. My kid has one time told me "It's so hard to be honest and not hurt other people's feelings, Nanay! It can't be done." I kept thinking that there must be some way that a person can be honest but still be kind.
It's a good thing I remember a video I watched about honesty. The 30 second rule is very plain and simple. When you want to comment about something [physical] about a person, you have to think first if that person could change it in 30 seconds or less. Sounds easy right? And it is actually doable.
Some examples would be "Hey, you have dirt on your face." or Dude, your hair looks a bit messy or "Your shoelace is untied." These things can easily be remedied. Some may feel a bitntoo uncomfortable to talk about like a snot on the face or durt on the teeth, or theirnshirt is inside out. But these things can easily be fixed. Those things, you can and should be honest about. In fact, it would be helpful for the person if you give them an honest comment.
Now if the thing she wants to comment about is something that will take more than 30 seconds to change or fix - someone's weight, skin color, gestures, mannerisms or habits, etc, she should do her best to not comment about. Of course at her age, it would be fun and cute to hear her say "Your tummy is so big, are you pregnant?" But when she grows up and have developed the habit of mindlessly commenting about someone's body shape, then she could potentially have problems with people around her. (I think the titas on reunions might have started this way when they were kids, no one corrected them, and now they are the titas that their nephews and neices avoid.)
It's not that she shouldn't voice out her opinions. My kid is a very opinionated child and it's a struggke for her to keep her opinions to herself. I like that about her. It keeps me on my toes. So I told her thag the only time she should comment about things that people can't change in under 30 seconds is when that person asks her. "Aya, do you think I look fat in this dress?"
We always practice the 30 second rule at home. Whenever she slips, I just ask her, "Hmm, is that something that can be changed in 30 seconds?" I also give her a chance to spit up some hurtful truths. A lot of times when I'm trying on new outfits, I have her with me in the fitting room. She really tells me when I look fatter with the dress or when the color I chose doesn't compliment my skin, or if the pants I tried on made me look shorter. So far, there's very little occurence of her not following the 30 second rule. I think she's getting the hang of it.
You might want to try it too. The next time you want to say something about someone, first, ask yourself Is it going to help the person? And second Is this something they can change in 30 seconds or less?
I remember reading something about the 5 second rule with dropped food and basically if anything was soft/wet then consider it gone XD
On no one correcting the titas (what is that, aunty? that sounds like something my aunties would do XD) as kids, given two separate generations of adults from different places and cultures (I have a mixed Asian background and hubby has a very white Australian one), I think "back in those days" some things that people get into tantrums and tizzies over now weren't considered issues back then (similarly a lot of things we don't consider problems or think people should be more open about now were absolute tabu not that long ago).
I remember that struggle with my kids XD At least at that age it's developmentally appropriate. That's a pretty good way to deal with it, I can't remember how mine learned moderation, I have a feeling there was a bit of imagining how they would feel if someone said something similar about them. In adults I do have to wonder at the distinct lack of self awareness x_x
Back then people aren't as sensitive as now. You get hurt physulically or emotionally, just shrug it off and get om with your day. Nowadays, every single thing is a big issue. I hope in the next generation people will find the middle ground between insensitivity and too much sensitivity.
I saw my kid's struggle of finding the balance of honesty and kindness. I struggled in that too. I was too kind, my kid was too honest. Glad to see our two different personalities found a way to work this dilemma if moderation out.
Lovely post again! I love all your posts!🥰 really, I just need to say it! According to 30 sec rule, I am Ok saying it. Haha, just a joke. But honestly, all your posts are informative and I love to read your thoughts about whatever you're writing about! It always make me reflect on mootherhood and get me thinking. I think you are a good mom, @romeskie. Thats my opinion with just reading your posts! I think you do great with your girl, and I'm sure you find the strenght to continue when days of parenting are maybe a bit hard! We all have those!
Thank you for sharing this ide. I didnt know about it and surely I will use it with Caleb. It's helpful for me!
Big hug!
Thanks @missdeli I think you are a great mom too. :) The hard days of parenting usually are the days when I learn something new and discover something new about myself.
I'm sure Caleb would also grow up a wonderful perdon because you are his mom. :)
Thank you as well! I really meant what I said, I truly believe you do great with homeschooling and I'm sure you do your best! 😀
My dear friend you are right. To be honest is very good and is one of the thing i always try to learn people that are close to me. If you are honest to me, you will easily get something from me. Thanks for this amazing post. I love it
I think the world would be a better place if there is a combination of honesty and kindness in each person.
This is surely helpful not just for kids but for adults, too. I also have her problem. I'm too honest to comment that it might sound harsh to other people, but lying isn't right, so it's really hard to choose your words that can't hurt them. I think I'll teach my kid this too. Thanks for sharing, Momshie!
I end up not saying anything na lang before. Like even if they ask me my honest opinion, if I know it'll hurt them, I'll just not say it. I was too afraid to be rude. Eto namang isa, walang preno ang bibig, mejo pasmado. Haha.
Hope to meet you and your kiddo someday. :)
Honesty is a great value that should be encouraged. Honesty should never be confused with rudeness; on the contrary, children should be encouraged to say things with respect and kindness. It is an excellent strategy that you present to us.
I was scared that if I only tell her that what she said was rude, she'll end up not developing the habit of honesty. Theb30 second rule really solved that for us.