In all seriousness though man, it seems you might be having a bit of an episode @world-travel-pro and might find some comfort talking to a health care professional about what you are perceiving.
As funny as I found this, it's obviously a cry for help of sorts and I feel like a bit of an asshole laughing at you when you're clearly under mental distress. I'm around if you need to talk or need to get resources in order to help unwind your brain a bit.