Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! - I have as much soul as you, - and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you!
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
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Is this the same "G_D"? who commits justifiable genocide?
2“Thus said יהוה of hosts, ‘I shall punish Amalĕq for what he did to Yisra’ĕl, how he set himself against him on the way when he came up from Mitsrayim.
3Now go, and you shall strike Amalĕq and put under the ban all that he has, and you shall not spare them, and put to death from man to woman, from infant to nursing child, from ox to sheep, from camel to donkey.’ ”
What I see in you is a person who genuinely cares for others and wants more than anything to help, to make things right for those lost. It is a great conviction and hopefully one day you will succeed.