Politicians are moral and benevolent. They are loving and kind. They only want the best for me, thats why they promise to keep the internet free, it's because they care.
Those eeeeviiiil corporation only want my money! Its not like they provide anything of value in exchange. If corporations loved me like government does, they'd give me everything for free. They are greedy cause they won't give me free shit. How dare they make things cheaper by making deals to susidize the costs from other companies. How dare they offer limited options that are cheaper, those fucking couponers. They are only using price discrimination and making things cheaper to attract poorer customers, so they can take their money too!!!
GIVE THE GOVERNMENT THE AUTHORITY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE! TO PROTECT YOU FROM EVIL!