I feel closer to you now after reading this my little sister went through the same thing. And she is now 2 years post trans. Thanks to my parents taking out a second mortgage on our family home her name is she’s known as Aunty Leah and has had many boyfriends since. Her name used to be Douglas and she tried to cut off her boy parts herself and could have killed herself trying. Now she works multiple jobs. She used to wear trackers and a large hooded jumper with no zip to hide her bits and her developing breasts due to hormone therapy for prep. Was consistently being sent to the school councillor for not participating in boys p.e. And not getting changed for sport not having school photos done refusing to take off the jumper even in 40•c heat she was ostracised a lot but the trans community on the net in aus hate her because she didn’t go out and work for her change and pay her own way and call her a bragger but she’s just trying to give hope. She’s working five jobs to help pay off the mortgage now. But how can she be around people if she can’t be herself. She had to dress in blokes clothes at my wedding because she wasn’t on hormone therapy then and sculled around the edges of the perimeter hiding from really talkative loud people and the reaches of photos and people who might recognise her. My insensitive brother in law referred to her as the ghost( that pale white dude with the dark curly hair that was sneaking around not talking to people pinching cake, you can play where’s Waldo with him in the wedding photos) I appreciate your journey