Hello,
I am very proud of you for admitting to yourself there is a problem. I have a saying I want to share. "Its not about punishing for yesterday but changing tomorrow." I use this on my daughters but i think it applies to you also. Don't beat yourself up for yesterday. Embrace the change. I will follow you. You can do this. I promise.
Thank you! What you say is pretty legit I think. Some time ago I read a psychology article. The article said that people who punish themselves for their past mistakes tend to be unhappier than people who are able to forgive their past mistakes.