I've been putting off to write this post for some time now, and I would like to end this shitty habit by introducting myself to this great community of steem!

I'm at some pivotal period in my life, and I ocasionally feel extremely excited but sometimes also frightened.

That "reality" all of a sudden hit me in the 4th grade and I didn't know what the fuck am I supposed to do after high-school. It was scary because for as long I know about myself I didn't see the point in school subjects or projects, which looked pretty useless to me , but so was I.

I just never wanted to study, did about 3.5 homeworks per year by myself and avoided school projects like I was hiding from my ex-girlfriend in public (which I don't really have). But deep down I knew that I had a potential to change all of this fast, and at the time, I was into physics more than anything else.

It was late January, 2016. I challenged myself to enter the best natural science college in the country. There were almost 5 months left to National College Application Tests for which of course, math and physics were valued the most in my case. I had a rocky C grade in those subjects up to this point and I would have to score around 95% at them (about 99-percentile) to end up at the end of the list for desired college that's also one of the toughest here in Croatia.

Slowly I was beggining to study more and more, starting with 2-3 hours per day in the first few weeks which were making me exhausted as I didn't have almost any work ethics developed. I was starting to see the progress and that was what kept my momentum going. Next month, I was at about 4-5 hours of studying daily and I kept pushing myself. When I felt exhausted I would play videos that gave me motivation to keep going (some of the videos I watched for motivational purposes are from: Elliot Hulse, RSD Max, Eric Thomas, Alan Watts, etc.). In two months, I've passed over the whole high school curriculum for mathematics and I was starting to get involved in some school projects too.

May came, and I had a capacity to study 8-11 hours/day and to function pretty normally during this period. One day, I decided to push my productivity to the limits and see how much I could handle. I did 15 hours, which is 6 times as much of what I could do when I started only a few months before.

This showed me how fast humans are able to adapt to situation if it's taken enough seriously.
But this experience was big slap in the face for me because I discovered how much I could've learned up to this day, although I'm still very young. I'm not too harsh about it because I learned alot about myself and more ambitions are surfacing in my life.

I did well on the tests (92% physics and 93% mathematics) but I was worrying that I won't get in. They were accepting the first 50 off the list, and the first day I turend out to be 57th. I was a bit worried but didn't felt particularly bad as I've accomplished everything I could. Slowly, I was starting to climb on the list and at the final day, I reached the 50th place. It felt amazing and gave me the proof that hard work really pays off.

Here's the list influenced only by GPA of the students(Before National Tests)
>
And after the results came out:

At the end of September last year, I went to Zagreb to start attending my college. Zagreb is a Capital city of Croata with almost 1 million people. I lived in the student dorm and only had one good friend, for who I'm very thankful for, for helping me massively with preparing myself for application tests.

I developed my routine during the first few months and it was generally based on going to college, studying, meditating, watching videos and mild training routine. There was almost no socializing due to my anxiety to approach others and make my own social circle. This was making a big hole inside me.
This was an issue for a long time, but it didn't really show up in my life up until this point where I was put in the big city.

Turning 180°

The flip of my recent life started happening when I saw the product of one of my favorite youtubers that was supposed to be launched soon. His channel is JulienHimself and the program-course he was promoting at the time is called the "Transformation Mastery". His content really started to intrigue me. I was caught. He asked questions like "Did you always felt like something is missing?" which was a big YES! or "Has anything that you've done get you to where you thought it will?" which was a sad no.

When I watched a few of his other videos regarding this topic, I really started to question everything about myself. I discovered that for all those years I've been chasing something. Some information, some event, some career or equation that's finally going to explain me the meaning of life. I was looking for something to stop feeling bad about myself and became a self-help junkie in order to "get good enough" for myself .

But guess what? You can never get that good to feed up the mistrust you have for yourself. There will always be more information to acquire, more weights to lift, more content to create and more money to be made. The game is endless. And if you think that some abstract goal is finally going to get you happiness or joy, you've been looking in the totally wrong direction. I will go deeper into this topic in my future posts and let's make it just a part of the story for now, not some 19 year old chimp holding you a life lesson :D

To cut the crap, his program is about starting your transformation from the state of scarcity to the state of abundance, in which you're a lot lighter, more relaxed and authentic, and everything flows with less effort.
For more details about the program, you can check his final video beore launching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XmU5H9qR48

I bought the program, went through the content and gave it a try. After a few weeks results started to cripple in. The better I felt, the more life fed me with different opportunities and I started to think more about my path of becoming a physicist. Is it really worth it? What am I getting and what am I putting in? Is it going to build me the life I truly want? I started questioning myself and found out that I'm not really ready to settle for this path.
I wanted to do some other things and became more interesting in spirituality and self-acceptance, because I think that no matter what we invent, it's NOT going to get rid of the problems that have been running us, but just delay the opportunity to finally face them. I wanted to introduce people to the inner-work and be one contributing to the growth of this community.

My interest in studying physics faded away. My family and friends were negatively suprised and started to convince me that I should at least finish my first year and then think about it which I though of as a good idea but I just didn't find any motivation to pass my tests, and I even spoke to my professor who said that it's very improbable that I'm going to earn a degree without being 100% determined. The idea of becoming entreprenuer, building my own brand and helping people get more in touch, became way more appealing than keep heading where I was going to. I quit university.

Meanwhile, I took another course that was based on curing social anxiety from another youtuber called FreddyFairHair. I did a few coach-sessions with him and found out that his advice is really no different than Julien's. Fred is from Norway, "A social stuntman" that likes to travel and inspire people. He actually planned a trip among the Balkan, and we decided to meet once he arrives in Zagreb.
We were hanging out for 2 days and we had a lot of fun and he pushed me to go through some challenges which made me realize that reality of meeting strangers is not that scary. Then, he suddenly got an idea to do an interview with me for his main channel, in order to get more people inspired to take action and perhaps purchase his course. I thought that it was an excellent idea, and it's also very good for me to finally put myself out on YouTube.

In this interview, I'm briefly describing my experience and things that were happening at this time. You can check the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBfmsR2Lcvk

Right now, I'm back to my little hometown on Croatian's biggest island Krk, connected to land with a beautiful bridge which had the longest concrete arch in the world at the time when it was built, 1980.

I'm currently in the process of building my own website and finally starting to release my own content.
I found out about steemit a few months ago while watching a video from Jeff Berwick.
I think that this is also a great way to assist me in building my brand and hopefully getting paid for it eventually.

When I get completely financially independent, I plant to move back to Zagreb because of my personal growth and having acess to people that share the similar interests.

I like long walks in the nature and some of the deep topics that turn me on are psychology, physics, politics, economics, spirituality, philosophy and social dynamics. Essentially everything that requires an abstract level of thought in order to deal with problems. I like learning about the subject and then connecitng the dots in order to figure out the fundementals of it. Unraveling the nature of things, concepts and understanding human behaviour is what keeps me going.

I hope that this briefly sums up some of my interests and my current life situation. Can't wait to build my reputation and start interacting with like-minded people. Welcome to my Blog!

A twisted little Introduction :)

Turning 180°