Open the door and breathe in the fresh air called truth. My son recently said, “You should write a book so we can know your side.” What a strange thing to say to your mother. “Your side”? To me that was a very telling statement. Yet, those I shared this statement with who walked with me through this trial failed to see what I believed to be so obvious. When pointed out, expressions changed, eyes opened wide, and jaws dropped. It was there in plain sight, so perfectly clear. If my son is saying I should tell my side, that means someone is telling him his side, or more accurately, telling his lies to my children … again. His process was and still is, “If I repeat my lies over and over, they will miraculously become truth.”
Who is he? My ex-husband. The man who beat me with his fists. The man who physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused me. His obsessive-compulsive behavior, sexual addiction, and need for control and power were a recipe for marital disaster. Health professionals later applied the labels Explosive Anger Disorder and Sociopath Narcissist.
When my son said I should write my story, it held a million meanings. I wanted to cry, to laugh, to surrender to my knees. Had the answer to my long-awaited prayer come? Was the agony over? Was someone finally going to speak the truth? My son was telling me he had matured enough and was healthy enough to see his father’s sickness, craziness, abuse, and lies. He now recognized the often-recounted stories his father spun were false. He had grown enough to see me not just as his mom, but as a woman whose character did not match the crazy one his father’s words painted.
I thank the many before me who have documented their domestic violence stories to create awareness. Every time this happens we collectively help other women realize these dysfunctions, and that they are not to blame as the perpetrators want them to believe. This subject is receiving widespread attention in today’s media. It’s needed. Each story bravely shared reveals the levels and depths of cruelty, violence, and control an abuser wields. Sharing brings a belief that we are not alone. Truth has the power to set us free and to heal the afflicted, but it inherently threatens the abuser since his lies can be shattered and dismantled in the face of it.
For some this book will bring healing, for some understanding, and for others a jump to defense and denial. The abuser and those he has conned may feel the need to discount, deny, or abuse me for now publicly revealing the abuse. This is a hard truth that will sometimes be emotionally difficult to read, but push on anyway.
My book has a distinct Christian view because I am a Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Christian. If your beliefs are different, you will still find help and paths to healing in my true and heart-rendering story.
Along the way someone challenged me about using the words “Victim to Victor” in my title because the person felt there are no victors in domestic violence or in my story.
While I agree there are still hurdles, I no longer rise to a new day with any probability of a hand making impact with any part of my anatomy; no one whose primary goal is to control and suppress me in word or deed is sharing my space. My chest no longer feels anxiety; my mind is no longer overwhelmed with guilt from lack of escape plans or the feat of implementing them. His hits and throws did not bring a death blow and leave my children motherless. I now have a lovely home that is a serene, safe haven, and a superb career. My children graduated both high school and college with honors, though admittedly they too suffer internal scars. Perfection has not and will never be attained, but having lived under a cruel, violent, controlling man for over 20 years, I will celebrate that I was able to make that two-letter change: Victim to Victor.
I thank my adult son and one of my counselors for encouraging me to write this book. It was something I resisted, and has been one of the most gut-wrenching yet freeing things I have ever undertaken. In writing this I hope to bring truth into the light, explore the methods abusive people use to keep their victims captive, and help shed light on how perpetrators also loop in unsuspecting family members and by-standers.
You will find sections called “Dear Younger Me” in which I give the younger me advice and comfort that was so lacking during this scary path. I offer my pain as a platform to assist others, and hope many learn from my mistakes.
For over three decades, Victoria King lived life in her husband’s Narcissist Amusement Park, riding her Carnie’s rollercoaster of abuse and enduring his daily choices of torment, producing the heart-stopping startle of Whac-A-Mole games at a state fair’s midway. Like peeling cotton candy from your face, living with an abuser is sticky and messy. Each encounter made Victoria feel she needed a shower to wash off her abuser’s slimy control residue. Her husband offered an array of mental, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual abuse, like cheap blue-plate specials that sound good from the menu but taste foul. Denials of his behavior saw him deceiving professional counselors by promoting the idea the problems were hers, not his, ideas too often swallowed. At church, her abuser parlayed “apologies, repentance and forgiveness” to con naïve leaders and congregants alike. It took Victoria a long, painful time to discover her brokenness wasn’t the same as his sickness, but she eventually escaped her Sociopath Narcissist’s control. But jumping from her Carnie’s Merry-Go-Round brought retaliation from her abuser, as he used cruel, calculated parental alienation tactics to break the bonds with her children.
The book is available worldwide in paper and Kindle on amazon.com https://amzn.to/2IdWnos
If I help ONE woman, I will have met my obligation. Those who escape need to help other victims of Sociopath Narcissists escape too.
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I like the title! If your motives is to bring glory to Jesus and to help others, then I pray for your success! As this is a social site and we have not met any of the people, it is difficult to say one thing our another. I have met people like you describe and my heart is always while a person is still alive, that they would come to repentance. It is one thing to have lived through such a hell on earth, but to stay there is another. Like Paul said, “Forgetting that which is behind!” So as we share our testimony the bite is gone and forgiveness is granted. So we don’t relive the horror every time we share our memories. I can see writing the book and helping others. I can see warning people that have a direct contact with said person out of love. I don’t see the benefit in this social environment a face to face confrontation. I live in the Philippines! Also, the Holy Spirit will reveal to me all that is necessary in my relationships. Please don’t bring your battle over to my blog. It actually looks like an effort to sell your book.
I hope you don’t get this wrong, as I am not saying you are telling something that is not true. I am saying, you wrote a book and I pray for your success in helping others. We comfort others with the comfort we received.
God bless!
Hi There,
Thanks for the response. I am glad you like the Title. The only way I survived the abuse from lastdays/steven sherman was the blood of Jesus.
I wrote the book to help women especially in the church who are being abused by Sociopath Narcissists who hide in the church .
The book is about my ex husband who is now on Steemit ( lastdays- Steven Sherman) conning more people and filling his Narcissism. I saw you were corresponding with him and it breaks my heart that he has found another source to feed his Narcissism while on a person level he has physically, mentally and emotionally abused his wife and children.
There are not many books on the subject that have a Christian Perspective and that glorify GOD even when the abuser claims to be "christian" . Most people when abused, especially spiritually abuse-- walk away from GOD and the church .Steemit is an international platform and people interact from all over the world. You will never meet him but truth still needs to be said. Information is key. Just like knowing Jesus.
I have spoke truth and you can do with that information as you wish. But know, giving him affirmation on his Bible studies while he hides the habitual sin of continual and current abuse and destruction of his family is a tragedy.
This is not a battle but information.. the truth sets us free.. I am bringing awareness.
Blessings
Victoria
PS. A face to face, or written word with a sociopath Narcissist is worthless, Sociopaths lie as easily as they breathe :)
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Oh yea, I have upvoted you and followed you. Many blessings from @introbot & @bycoleman
Thank you ! I visited you thoughts for the day.. very nice. I did follow you :) My book is about me, as a christian woman surviving a sociopath narcissist is claiming to be a Christian and in leadership at church yet was extremely abusive . Domestic Violence is just as high in the church as of out. I appreciate the reach out.
Blessings
Victoria King
Welcome! So nice to have you with us. If you have any questions, just post them here and I will try to help out, if I can. Good luck!
God bless.
Thank you @mepatriot , I appreciate the reach out. I got my feet wet a while back with a regular account but now have this one because I became an author-- I hope you will share it so I can help others. thank you
Blessings to you
Victoria King
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