My introduction through The gift that changed my life

When I was a kid I was always awkward and nerdy. No matter what I did, or how I tried to change it, this just seemed to be the way things would be for me. I was a military brat, father was Navy, and so any friends I did make were temporary at best. After a while I tended to believe this is just how things would be.

You see, you have to understand where I came from and how this image became what life was. My mother, as far back as I can remember, was married to my younger brother's father. He was super supportive of my talents (at the time Karate and naturally athletic) which seems like a good thing, right? Wrong. He wasn't a man at all. Instead he perpetuated hispanic stereotypes that I have fought long and hard to ensure that I didnt emulate within my life. The reason why I mention this is because as a kid my mind was always processing things deeper and much more introspectively than those around me. While my friends were getting in trouble for the small things that kids did, I was constantly battling my inability to create meaningful friendships. When my mother married my Father (Stepfather, but in my eyes my father) things quickly changed. My life became even more chaotic around me and I was left to take care of myself more often then not.

The negative spirals began with my younger brother when I was in middle school. We had moved to Kingsbay Georgia (US) to my fathers new duty station. When we got there it was a small town without much to do. It was the early to mid 90's and so there werent any cell phones, the internet was slow and used mainly for homework and the kids around there were all into hunting, mud bogging and most things that a hispanic northerner from the city had little to no interest in doing. When school started I ended up making a few friends and within that first year, through all of the crazy that surrounded me, I found music. I had two friends that I was super close to. Jimmy and Izzy. Both of which were good people going through their own things. Completely different worlds for each of us yet we found common ground in our love for music. This is where the story actually begins to shape. If you are still reading, thank you for understanding the necessity for the backstory!

In 7th grade I had a history teacher and his name was Mr. Pearson. Mr Pearson had overheard Izzy, James and I all talking one day about wanting to play music together and start a band. I had mentioned that it was likely I wouldnt be able to join because of the lack of instruments in my house. After that class Mr. Pearson then reached out and said that while he couldnt sell me a guitar he could sell one to my parents. I quickly let him know about the home situation and how my parents were pouring all of their money into getting my younger brother's mental health in order which left me without that option. I thanked him for his time and continued on about my day.

The next day we came into class as normal. When I arrived at my seat there was a guitar case sitting in my chair blocking my desk. I looked over and said "Mr. Pearson, I think you left one of your guitars over here. Is it okay if I move it?", to which he quickly replied "Oh, thats not my guitar. Open it up and see if there's a name or something. Maybe somebody left it there by accident."

When I opened the case there was a note and while I do not recall the exact contents of the note, the guitar was for me. I was in awe. I couldnt believe it! When I got home I told my older brother about the guitar and how I had no way to learn. Being the quick thinker he was, I was conned out of several of my favorite items he had been eye balling and in return he handed me 3 Guitar tabs along with a 3 minute tutorial on how to read tab, tune my guitar and Get the f**k out of his bedroom! haha

Stand by me
Come as you are - Nirvana
Polly - Nirvana

Those were the 3 songs. I wore my fingers out playing those until I could do so with ease. You see, I had not yet realized that I was ADHD. It hadnt struck me that my life would be forever complicated by my inability to pay attention to something for extended periods of time. Up to this point, you would only have been able to tell due to my ability to be a straight A Student one semester and then the next hand in Zero home work and finish the class with a B+. However, when it came to the guitar there was no stopping me. Remember, we didnt have Youtube and I didnt know of any "tutorials" as you would find these days at the drop of a hat. Everything was typed, few images due to loading times and the descriptions were a like reading a tech manual to repair a server with zero knowledge of anything to do with repairing a server!

I found tabs online, mowed yards to get the money to buy those tablatures and spent every night in my room playing for hours. Within the next year things would change and I would have to move to New Jersey to live with my grandparents while my family got things under control at the house with my brother. This made it hard to make friends with similar interests fairly quickly. While I was listening to the Cranberries or Alice in Chains unplugged, I was being handed headphones with Biggy or Tupac playing. I was no stranger to hip hop or rap, though it was not my music of preference. Basically I spent most of the summer working odd jobs and playing guitar in my room. When I finally returned home to my parents they had moved to Virginia in a similar neighborhood and so I was used to it. I avoided getting jumped in high school because I was the kid that carried his guitar everywhere with him and could play the king of the hill theme song. It worked though. That was what I was known for. I was in between crowds and had a few good friends who listened to the same music but none of which played guitar.

After high school I put my guitar in a closet , Joined the Army and didnt touch it for many years. By this point I had handed my guitar off to my uncle and purchased an electric guitar that was later sold due to taking up space. For years I abandoned the one thing that loved me and had stuck by my side through breakups, parents arguing or fighting, my younger brother's dive into drug abuse and my own hardships. I was still involved in music though at that time it was Vinyl, Turntables, House music and hanging out wth fellow DJ's all the time. That was cool, it was a great part of my life, but I was always missing something.

You see, in my mid 20's I was already a father. I couldnt afford new records all the time and I couldnt really hang with the all night crowds anymore. I was starting to burn out. I wanted to be a good father to my son and nothing less so my lifestyle began to change. I had bought a guitar and had begun playing again. Over time I started playing bass for a band because they needed a bassist and I wasnt doing anything. This catapulted me into playing guitar again and from there it never ended.

I realized that within the vibrations of those six strings my Adhd was immediately tamed and I was able to put my thoughts into perspective. Guitar made me someone who can speak to others, hang out in crowds comfortably and not be afraid to be myself. I was able to use guitar as a way to clear my mind and discover who I was. As an adult and a father, its crazy to think about it and come to this realization. Something inside of me was finally able to let go of the painful childhood memories and purge it with each note played. It became my voice and my emotions.

Through the kindness of one person I avoided countless bad situations that could have made me another hispanic statistic or stereotype. I grew up cognizant that just as plucking a string on the guitar would cause a vibration, my actions had consequences that would vibrate beyond my control regardless of my ego's reasoning as to why I was untouchable. I made my mistakes, hung out with the wrong people yet came out on the right side of things. Guitar taught me a control mechanism for suppressed anger, self doubt, fear and sadness. I could take those emotions and pour them into something that made sense of all of it. I was able to make something of myself.

Years later I found the teacher and emailed him. I told him how guitar had changed my life and that the one small gift he had given me, to which I am certain he saw as nominal at the time, had completely reshaped my world. To this day I have never taken a lesson and I have watched others surpass me in skill and/or accuracy, though through determination and a focus that is uncharacteristic of an Adhd person I figure it out and on my own or by observing other players. I told him that as a teenager he was my hero.

Since then I have given away countless guitars, basses, keyboards etc. If I bought it but wasnt using it overtime then i would sell it for less than it was worth just so that someone else could have the ability to play and find that same perspective on how to turn off your thoughts and ease your mind. I have paid it forward countless times and continue to do so to this day.

So in honor of the best gift I ever received, I will be posting songs, dittys, little random melodies that flow through my mind for others to enjoy. I want to continue sharing what was given to me at no cost and with no expectations of returns. I want you to hear my thoughts and emotions as (clearly) I am not the best at writing them completely coherently, showing my emotions nor speaking them aloud to others. I will share me.

Thank you for reading!

I loved this post. It reminded me that we all have come from different backgrounds but a lot of us have similar stories of our childhoods, if only we are willing to take the time to hear them.

I grew up with four siblings, our parents were physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive and one was an alcoholic that I had to pick up off the ground and drag home on more than one occasion.

It was horrible but we all got through it and made it to adulthood with all the scars and insecurities that come with that kind of upbringing. When I was younger I decided, the same as you did, that those issues weren't going to define me for the rest of my life. Its hard to break the habits learned but if you are determined enough you can make new and better habits every single day. :D

Welcome to the Steemit family. I look forward to your music and future posts. :D