It is a deep story. Glad you came through, and first thing I noticed in the picture of you before I read your story was how naturally smiling your face is!
I think most people when they think about suicide don't really want to end it ALL , but just the pain they feel.
I tend to think "You don't want to die, you just don't want to live feeling like this"
Thank you Julian. I appreciate that a lot. Yes, the pain and suffering in the moment can blind you from reality so to speak.