Trying to gather a million thoughts into my first post in years

How should we start this?

So hey world. Im Kristan. Im new to Hive, but not to the posting world. I feel a little out of touch right now because I spent much time on Steemit, left for a couple years, tried to find myself, and yeah now I guess trying to be back in the world. I know some of you know me and some do not from the earlier days. Since my time there, my world has completely changed. I look back and feel like I don't even recognize that person from 2017 as I am sure many of us feel. A lot has changed. Probably more than I can try to put out there that will make sense in this post for now. Ill explain this more in the next one because boy is there a lot to explain.

What to post about

I do not know what I'm going to do with this. I can tell you I probably wont be sticking to one topic as I did in the past because I can't. It's not who I am anymore. I spent a lot of time blogging in the past pushing down shit I definitely should have talked about to "stay on topic" of my posts. I felt like I had ample opportunity to reach out and connect with so many more people than what I did and did not take advantage of it. I won't do that ever again. I would rather affect one person on here than be popular which is what I used to strive for. I would rather be unfiltered than put on this show of someone that has it together. I don't. I didn't then, guess could just cover it up and move on better. We have all been through a lot, but I think the problem is even when we're still not good we try to just roll along with the crowd. Why is that? Say what you feel, do whatever the hell makes you happy. Be able to face yourself and know you're true to whatever it is no matter how insignificant, all over the place, and erratic someone else thinks it is.

I think too that is why people get a mental block every now and then about what to talk about. They have a specific thing they are supposed to stick to and once all the ideas have run out they feel done. I just want to talk everything about everything. I want to talk again about consciousness and self awareness, but I also want to talk about the day to day. Life being great and life going to shit. Experiences that sound ridiculous. The happy and the sad. I am excited regardless of what comes of anything because it is the FIRST TIME EVER I am able to post as a carefree not looking over my shoulder kinda woman. So let's do it. Hope you stick around. Next post explaining my hiatus should be a doozy.

If today is your birthday, Happy birthday. This gal loves you.
XOXO
Kristan