I wish I could tell you that I liked meeting new people, that I looked forward to making friends, and that the thought of the first day of school or job interviews didn’t make me want to throw up the Hot Cheetos that… lets be real, I probably ate for breakfast. I wish I could be the person that didn’t instantly regret my first introductions or actually, I wish I could be the person who actually knew what to say.
But let me paint you this picture:
It’s the first day of school and the teacher tells you to say your name and one thing about yourself. You’re beginning to become very hyperaware of just how tight your high-waisted jeans are and you feel every eye in the room looking at you, judging you. (suddenly the hightop converse you begged your parents for last week seem like a mistake). You have ten seconds to think of one thing that can accurately portray who you are and before you know it, you hear yourself say “hi, Im Maya..and..uhh.. my favorite color is blue.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, my name IS Maya and my favorite color IS blue but now all I will ever be to those students is the girl who just loOoves blue SOoO much that she thought that it was SO important to mention to the entire class. But though my self-deprecating jokes may beg to differ, I would like to think that I am and can be so much more.
First introductions have never been my thing because I have always been too complex to accurately be portrayed in just one sentence. If I had had my way, those kids would have known that I like the color blue because it reminds me of the sky and looking up at the sky has always helped me escape the grey world that I’ve found myself living in. Those kids would have known that when my sister moved out, her dirty, baby-blue bedroom walls were there to pick up all of my broken pieces. Those kids would have known that much like myself, the color blue continuously refuses to be just what the world expects it to be. I can glance over at the salty water that surrounds my city and find myself surprisingly speechless.
Every. Single. Time.
I mean yes, the color blue can be saddening, but it is also calming, and nautical, and surprising, and perplexing, and loyal, and refreshing, and dysfunctional, and beautiful. It is a wide variety of adjectives, it is a universe of contradictions, and to be honest, so am I.
Since I have made it my mission to be more than what words can say, I have also made it my mission to do more than what I have been doing. I mean, if you spend everyday completing the same, monotone routine, you start to forget that life is meant to be chaos and adventure and loud music and vulnerability and rapid heartbeats.
Maybe I should paint you another picture (I know, who knew I was such an artist):
You’ve spent four years playing it safe. You’ve spent your four years in high school making average grades and surviving panic attacks while eating way too many processed foods and settling for “fairy #3” in a play where you know you deserved TinkerBell. You wake up at 6am everyday and throw on your ripped black skinny jeans, your tattered old white vans, and you go to school just to rub shoulders with old friends (now complete strangers) in the hallways and keep your hands in your hoodie’s pocket because you’d rather get that question wrong on the test than ask your teacher to explain it again (she already doesn’t get paid enough to explain it once). When one day you wake up before the sun does, roll over, and ask yourself “is this it? is this really what living feels like?”
Now, thats a scary thought to have at 6am. I mean, I refuse to believe that what I had been doing was life. I refuse to believe that that was it. There HAD to be more, I needed for there to be more. I didn’t know what I wanted exactly, but I knew that I wanted all of it. I wanted sleepless nights with friends. I wanted loud music, windows down car rides at midnight with people who feel like home. I wanted unapologetic love and long conversations under the stars. I was ready to take life by the horns and experience all of it. I wanted to feel everything (the good and the bad). I was ready for 2am talks with friends over somebody who didn’t deem me worthy for a text back. I was ready for the heartbreak, the cynicism, and the hardships that often come with life. Because with those things, comes healing, and growth, and the power of overcoming. I wanted to live a life that made me excited to get out of bed in the morning. And I was prepared to do exactly that, no matter what stood in my way.
I don’t know why I’ve decided to start this blog. Maybe because I want to be more than empty 6am breakthroughs and botched first introductions. Or maybe because its comforting to know that someone is reading this, listening. Or maybe because I’m trying to do precisely what my blog title is: I’m trying to learn how to live. I have spent so much time trying to deal with the confusion, trials, and tribulations of existing that I’ve forgotten about my life (and even worse, I’ve forgotten to live it). I’ve forgotten to make experiences and I have robbed myself of the many “firsts” that come with high school. I want to fall in love, crash a party, take a road trip and fall apart all before 11 o’clock tonight.
I guess I want this blog to be a representation of me. I want to tell you how I got over heartbreak and write about the comfort of silence shared between best friends and the beauty of vulnerability. I want to be more than what my anxieties have confined me to be. I want everyone to know why tall buildings and big cities keep me humble and why the ocean both terrifies and intrigues me. I want to take chances and cry from laughing and from saddness (you aren’t truly living without both). I want to help you get over losing a best friend. I want to experience life and run red lights (metaphorically of course. pls drive safe). I want to overcome fears and find passions I didn’t know I had and meet new people and I want to be someone that people want to get to know. I want to be more.
I want to inspire you to learn to live.
So, who am I?
I don’t know yet, but I want to be everything. (kind of like the color blue)
What about you?
A big warm Steemit welcome goes out to you @learningtolive
High Paw & Steem on! :-D
Wowzers, what a fabulous introduction. You are an artist, an artist with words. You transported me inside your mind for a few brief moments. Your name does say it all, it really does and at the end of the day aren't we all just trying to learn how to live.
that means so much. i love when people are nice just to be nice. you are precious.
Welcome to Steem @learningtolive I have upvoted and sent you a tip
Welcome here Learningtolive!! Nice post, i will follow your account, please follow me at @khunpoom
Heyhey! You have signed up recently so welcome to the great community of steemit. I just upvoted you for this as you deserved it and keep on doing you!
As you are new to steemit, getting those first upvotes are gonna be hard so maybe you want to try Steemfollower where you can earn up to 5x more steem than just upvoting by yourself! It's a simple and safe vote exchange that is free to use. I have more info on it in this post where I go over the system in more depth and, believe it or not, this has become my most upvoted post yet.
Welcome to Steemit! It's good time to start create Steemit better :)
Hi @learningtolive, Welcome to Steem, remember me when you are rich :]
Don't be "blue" and nice to meet you.
hahaha thank you!!
Hello @learningtolive! Welcome to steemit! :)
WELCOME TO STEEMIT :) Glad to see more people like you - here join the steemit! Being a steamboat is a great adventure! Here you can win money while blogging! At first it will not be easy, but it is not impossible. So just write it from your heart and everything will be fine. ! Applause! Wish you much luck! Greetings, @nancie
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thank you so much:)
A new Steemian :-) hello @learningtolive I hope you enjoy your time here, its a great community ! Nice post, wish you much luck! I Have upvoted and will follow your account. Don't hesitate to contact or follow me at any time :-) See you around @tradewonk
thank you!!
@learningtolive Hi Maya, I am shy at first too, but then I go crazy. Oh and I love hot cheetos lol. Check out my introduceyourself video I posted last night.
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@bigpay/introduction-to-my-show-steemit-exclusive-the-miggie-show-presented-by-big-pay-productions
sure thing!! thank you:)
You will find your way if you are persevering, I wish you luck. You are welcome!
Welcome my friend nice post i am @djnoel i do mixes of house music,deep house afro house etc,Good luck over here ;)
welcome friend to steemit world, i have upvoted and following you and do the best @kunani
Welcome to the Steemit community, add an image to your profile, that will be of great help. Greetings @learningtolive