Hi, I'm a single forever-years-old guy just experiencing a mid-immortality crisis. Hear me out?
It used to be solid, hard work for me to steer the world towards the path of evil but over the last hundred years you humans have really stepped up your game! As proud as I am of the hard work the world has put into being evil, it's left me kind of... well, lost.
Imagine that: me the eternal prince of darkness bored?!
I guess it's cool to be evil now and you think that would make me happy but all it's done is leave me underemployed. What happened to all the goodie goodies?
But being the modern beingI am I thought "hey, why not make a blog?" I'm fun, interesting, single, and I seem to have a way with the words, and the ladies.
I was going to start on Reddit but my influence on that platform is clear for anyone to see, just check out r/bitcoin. I checked out Yours and Medium but if I wanted pretentious leftist virtue signaling I'd have influenced Jack D to make Twitter's word count 666 and trololol'd all the way to purgatory.
No, I needed something fresh, new, to corrupt - er, I mean, to experience. I needed to learn how to start over, now that the world is over-achieving at being just filthy evil.
And then I found Steemit.
It takes all of the deliciously bad elements of social media and monetizes the entire affair. Oh the humanity, oh the torture! It's a natural fit for a fella like me.
When I inspired the creation of money and Central Banking never in my wildest dreams did I think it would lead to the monetization of doge memes, make-up tutorials and @klye art. The world could end tomorrow, I've already clearly won the battle between good and evil.
)Now I can earn while I perfect my craft
But enough about my nefarious plan to capture all of your souls and blog about it, let's talk about me.
Who am I?
I'm a lot of things to a lot of people: Some call me father, others call me son, neighbor, Ryan.
You may call me Sire.
I spend a lot of time at the ole desk and can say with certainty that I do not like the corporate life of Hell's Upper Management, so I try to get away from the office as much as I can. I mean, it's hell down there and if I'm in charge then why not take an extended lunch to practice some sweet beats on my drums.
I love the outdoors and hate confined spaces, and this next year I'd like to try my hand at parasailing. Also, when I'm not too busy winning at work I love to travel and spent the last 30 or so years traveling back and forth between the middle east and middle America.
Cause if I'm not inspiring countries to war, I'm inspiring Midwestern Americans to McDonalds and I'm lovin' it!
But enough about me, let's talk about all of you.
All Your Souls Are Belong to Us
Deep down inside you know it, I know it: you're just the worst. If you all weren't the absolute worst the universe has yet to reveal then I would not exist. You're so bad that the universe had to conceive of a way to draw stardust, atoms and goddamn light beams to create a badass like me, capable enough of tolerating the utter bullshit constantly spewed by humanity.
When you aren't creating terrorists to justify wars-for-profit you're creating generations of entitled "liberals" and "conservatives" who rail against exploitation on the very devices that are the fruit of that exploitation. I mean, that kind of heartless is right up my alley.
I convinced the first humans to "betray" god and I'm offended by the sheer audacity of human beings. It draws me like a moth to a flame, or in my case a cannon ball to the chest because I'm so metal and you're all just meat suits.
I've always prided myself on being open-minded so I'm hoping to learn more about humanity, they're just so full of terrible treats. Or maybe I'll learn how to be a little more human and vulnerable and Stacy will come back, who knows.
While my natural instinct is to claim all of your souls for my unholy dominion, I think I'll keep Steemit a purely op-ed forum. For now.
Ever Dance With me in the Pale Moonlight?
I think this could be the start of a great relationship.
Me: sharing my daily minutiae and the souls meals that I insta.
You: following along because if you can't be as evil as the real devil then at least you can follow along and give in to that voyeuristic guilty pleasure.
Together we can show the world that the greatest social media platform in the world has room for, yes, even the @realdevil
Cause, really, I'm just like you all: an eternal being of unimaginable, unholy power dead set on the corruption of this entire world. And I could use a hug.
welcome to steemit @realdevil
Well, I understand the "single-forever" affliction you claim to suffer. Other than that... Welcome to Steemit!
See, we're not that different, all of us. Thanks for the warm welcome
The Vote For Your Awesome Post Has Just Arrived!
NOVOTES.SteemiTag is an innovative program that helps users increase their gains in the curation rewards by voting on posts that are likely to get high payouts. It maximizes the chance of a user to be rewarded through an accurate selection algorithm that works 24/7 and eliminates "no rewards" problem for users with low Steem Power. You can participate in our program by clicking on this link and confirming your delegation. Your rewards will be sent to you in the form of weekly dividends. Thank you and keep up with your great work!
I surely upvoted this comment simply because you offered me three hearts. You clearly know the way into the Devil's good grace. If I had Bitcoin to tip you with, I'd keep it and demand a tithe of Bitcoin from you.
Hi, welcome to @steemit, I can help you to explain a little about steemit. because I believe that you can be the best blogger and contributor on this site. So I'll follow you and you follow me ^. ^
@jhontor
I am the unholy father, responsible for human's fall from grace. I do not "follow for follow".
Here's a deal: you divulge everything you know and I consider putting you in a more favorable ring of hell?
Also, thanks for the welcome. It really is all about community.
Hi and welcome to steemit. I hop you like it here. Enjoy your time and good luck :)
I've literally been through hell but I'll try to enjoy myself. I hop your soul belongs to me.
hhhh dont worry you are already in the heaven now :)
Hey @realdevil, welcome to Steemit!
Welcome to Steemit. I hope it is good for you. Invite some friends and build the community
Congratulations @realdevil! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPI have completed ALL of the achievements, ever. Period. I was written into the fabric of the universe, you are chutney with free will. Or a "bot," as though that's anything different to me.
However, I thank you for your recognition of my achievement, I'm literally an attention hog and do not care to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy displays.
Welcome to Steemit! :)
Congratulations @realdevil! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP