I met a woman & got married. I put my ex wife through the Nursing school program at SDSU. There was a year a Palomar College before that in 2003. My income being under 21k a year allowed for her to qualify for grants along the way. We also had three roommates over seven years.
The entire time of our marriage I smoked marijuana. She smoked herself as well as many close family members. The last five years, at her request, I only smoked marijuana and did not drink alcohol. During these years my running joke was "I should be drinking because my beer belly never went away & it feels like I have a hangover every day".
Four and half years into this endeavor, working to jobs the last year, I found out she was cheating. It turned out to be at least the last 3 years.
When I confronted her on this with evidence of her yahoo account i video taped it. The court has it. She did not deny it and had a "so what" smirk on her face. She told me she was going to take our child. That the court would believe her & she is using her mothers attorney. She then left the house and told everyone I was abusive to her and my daughter. The family was angry and the proceeded to help her take everything she wanted from the home I provided for 7 years.
Of course I knew her schedule, somewhat, she obviously had time to cheat, and i called her to see my daughter who was 7 at the time. After all, you cheated and got your career, let me see my child. Nothing.
A month later she filed a dv-100 (temporary restraining order) in California and filed for divorce.
TRO said 4 things. Domestic Violence, Child abuse, Meth & marijuana use.
So after about 6 weeks I get before the Judge. Finally, my day in court right? wrong.
I was completely pre judged by the mere allegations by this woman.
I told the Judge I understand that the law is trying to keep the safety and best interest of the child in mind. That I myself had been kidnapped & beaten, watched my mother beat. So I would comply with Child Protective Services, interviews, etc.
I told the Judge also that yes, I had a rough upbringing and my mother had got me on meth, yet quit on my own. Living in a ditch in carlsbad I pulled my life back together and started this family. But, because I worked nights as part of the planned schedule to put my ex wife through school does not mean I am using meth and I take that personally, I will drug test all day.
I also told the Judge that she was aware of my health conditions & supported me getting my legal medical card. Then I passed it to the bailiff. The Judge took a look at it and said..
"Mr ____, this is a civil trial & not a criminal one, otherwise I would have already thrown you in jail. Anyone who uses marijuana is not fit to be a parent"
To which I replied, "Your Honor, I am not here to argue the validity of Prop 215, the people have spoken over 10 years ago, I am telling you I qualify & drug testing for marijuana should not be a factor for child custody"
He did not care one bit. He allowed my ex wife to urine drug test me anytime she wanted as long as I had 24hr notice.
At that time, I was forced to hair follicle drug test, which was a full spectrum test that came back negative for all drugs. Then I was only allowed 4 hours on sunday to see my little girl. It was an unsupervised visit.
As the months dragged on, CPS came into my home & each time recommended that I be given more time with my daughter. 4 hrs became an overnight. Then later two nights. It came to the awkward situation that I had a restraining order on me 5 days a week wherever she & my ex where yet two overnight visits unsupervised. At one point a Judge filling in for vacation was very, very confused as to why this was still going on..
After four months, with no domestic violence record or arrests ever in 7 years at my residence, 3 roommates who also were coworkers, never seeing me lash out violently, at home or work, child protective services recommending more time with my daughter, the restraining order was finally dropped the day before my daughters 8th birthday..
So now we are getting somewhere, right? finally some truth will come out.
Finding my ex's hidden income from her internship through a discovery showed her living a double life. Using me to get through school while not intending to stay in the relationship at all. Unwilling to change her routine because her parents made to much money to get grants and a job while attending school would push back her graduation by years.
She cheated. She left the home I was providing. She kidnapped my daughter and slandered me to friends and family. She lied to the courts as if she did not know I had any medical conditions. She lied about domestic violence & child abuse. There should be a clear picture of what is really going on.
wrong again.
No more time was added for me to be a part of my child's life or hers in mine.
I was still under court order without end to urine drug test.
I held on in this nightmare for as long as I could. Then I had an accident. I broke my right leg. A spiral fracture of the fibula that needed a 6 inch plate & 8 screws and I chipped or popped out the bottom of my Tibia which took two 3 inch screws.
At the ER my health card was not good. I was not on the blue cross blue shield through the school hospital nursing insurance as my ex removed me even though we were both court ordered to not remove either of us from anything. All my hospitals bills were out of pocket and Credit Care credit lines opened up for surgery that I finally had 8 days later. Yes, I had two grinding broken bones for over a week after the ER kicked me out with a pair of $800 crutches and a gauze bandage. Do you think the Judge cared about her not following the rules? Of course not.
I attended court on crutches and when I was walking again my ex drug tested me. I thought she would so I had went down monday and once again paid for a full spectrum hair follicle test for the 5th or 6th time.. As I had guessed she called to inform me to drug test.
Fully confident I went to the very same place and took a piss test. It came back diluted. I was informed to return and retest which I did. At that time the 2nd dilute test happened my custody rights were immediately revoked by fax & I was accused of hurting my daughter by the director at brengle terrace park summer camp.
I was angry of course, but after all, I was on Oxycodone, Hydrocodone & Ambien. All these would cause a dilute on their own individually. Along with a fresh hair test showing nothing in my system illegal, my prescriptions for my pain meds I showed up that thursday pretty confident that this would be seen as a side effect of my broken leg.
No chance.
The Judge told me that he did in fact receive the clean hair follicle test faxed in 3 days prior. He acknowledge remembering me in court on crutches. He looked at my prescriptions and my ER records and said the hair follicle test does not matter he didn't ask for it and that "I told you when you failed this test I would take your child from you". And that is just what he did. Full custody to her. The fake amount she claimed to pay in living expenses at her mothers house was used in calculating my child support. You heard that right, my support payments are based on my mother in laws household expenses. Even though I could prove the IRS showed her mother claiming her as a dependant.
Now at this time I am broke. My lawyer did me no good at all. He was afraid of her lawyer having worked in the courts and knew his reputation as an expensive shark. I had never been in serious debt and now I could not pay my rent, lawyer bills, doctor bills or find a roommate who was ok with CPS showing up twice a month. I was done. Nothing else to do but move in with my Grandmother who was refusing chemo and arguing with her nurses. So I moved out of state.
At this time, I tried to hold on to my job in Garden Grove but a 6 hour commute was terrible. I took a job down at the river as a barback and tried to get a grip on life.
I spoke with my ex in 2009 and she thanked me for putting her through school and all i did for her and our daughter. She apologized for how court went down. Things seemed ok or at least they could get better.
It was then that my mother bought a house with the 20k late wedding gift she gave us before the divorce close by & we moved in. My mother turned on me then & suddenly my ex would not speak to me. My mother invited her to the house and told me to get a room so they could visit. I said I am not going anywhere & I will be home late from work on 4th of july. When I got home, my ex was in my room riffling through my things & my daughter was with my mother across the house. I confronted her, looking at my bedroom door open, lights on, closet open and said " are you going through my stuff?" I walked in, put my bag down, glanced at the mess wondering what she could be looking for then turned around walked down the hall to finally see my little girl after 2 years. My ex was dragging my daughter out the door and when she figured out I was there she stretched her hand out calling "Daddy! Daddy!". She pulled her through the door and slammed it. Ran to the car and sped off. After an 8 hour drive she couldve at least let us hug for a few minutes, but no. That was the last I have seen of my daughter.
After that I tried to keep up phone calls and all she would say is "Mommy said your liar" "The Judge thinks your a bad man" "mommy said you need to drug test" and "you choose drugs over me" followed by " I hate you and never want to talk to you again". ( dam that's rough to type) That was five years ago. My daughter hates me now. I have missed her growing up. I know nothing about her since her mother still to this day tells everyone a restraining order. Even though it was thrown out four months after her lies.
This is the last time my daughter loved me.
I later found out my mother offered her 10k in equity of the house. Had the paperwork all drawn up. That & my mother being caught with a pen in my dying Grandmothers hand trying to change her will is one of the many reasons I have disowned her. She knows I have never hit my child. My roommates know too.
The good part of this story is I found a wonderful woman with 3 kids whom I feel madly in Love with. Since our first date we have never been apart. She has shown me love like no other. She truly is the love of my life & the only reason I am still alive. I moved into her home & we were married shortly thereafter. Obviously, I told her about my health. It wasn't to long before that got beyond egotistically hiding it at all & I ended up in the ER.
My Health Conditions
its embarrassing but after you have talked openly in court about it whats an internet post going to add..
I was born with an undescended testicle on the right side. My mother took a lot of drugs while pregnant. Uppers, downers, black beauties, yellow jackets, coke, liquor. You name it she probably did it. The orchiopexy surgery was done late, when I was almost five and has prevented me from military service & sports in high school. This pain was controlled using muscle relaxers. But as we all know CBD's work just as well.
It turned out that my stomach problems were due to my gallbladder working at only 18% full of stones. I had that surgery done. Also, during my colonoscopy about a dozen cancer polyps were removed. The exact thing my Grandmother had just passed away from.
I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. Known also as suicide disease.
For which I am currently prescribed Tegretol, primarily used for treating bipolar disorder.
I call it a liquid lobotomy. After a year and half on just this I was contacted my an old friend who suggested medical marijuana. It worked. I got legal here and met some fantastic people who helped me ease off using Tegretol weekly. This keeps the "A typical" Trigeminal Neuralgia in check. Its a constant painful headache. Sometimes sound itself is painful. Many everyday activities set off the shooting burning pain. I take the Tegretol when the spiking pain gets out of hand into suicide levels of pain. My doctor told me its arguably in the top 3 most painful conditions & well above natural childbirth pain. I just know it hurts. Bad. It turns out this is what I had all along.
I have advanced psoriasis. It's all over but the worst part is my eyelids & my genitals. Yes laugh it up. I have psoriasis on my balls. When this breaks out it is painful it so many ways I can't even begin to tell you.
So to sum it up, during my marriage my ex knew of my abdominal pain & testicular muscle pains. I shaved my head the entire time, due to the psoriasis, and it developed on my testicles. The Doc said at an 82% fail rate of my gall bladder meant it had to have been effecting me for at least a decade. I thought I messed up my lungs through smoking meth but it turned out I have severe asthma. And the entire time my headaches were due to nerve damage from suicide disease. Recent tests show I have no feedback from my brainstem and thats the buzzing ringing noise I have heard all my life.
If that doesn't qualify me under the Compassionate Use Act of 1996 Prop 215 I do not know what does.
But none of it helped at all. My rights as a Citizen, a Father and a Patient were all disregarded.
Now, my ex heard from my mother we bought a house. She is currently seeking child support in the amount of 45k plus 19k interest. I have been ordered to file for disability to pay her $370 in interest alone for what will be the rest of my life. She is trying to take my wife's paycheck and our taxes.
The court refuses to hear anything related to my health & I have submitted documents 3 times only to have them not be in front of the Judge and get railroaded.
My ex has been working as a Nurse this entire time & if she has not had a raise in 8 years she would have made 450k by now. She specializes in Maternity, so even after school she would be making more than that.
She married the guy she was cheating with & my daughter calls him daddy. The Court does not even address her by her married name or instruct her to fill out a current FL 150 or FL 342 to show her income or her husbands. She is acting as if she is broke yet she is not on food stamps. She simply refilled the same paperwork from years ago.
The court refuses to hear anything related to her practicing Parental Alienation.
There is a precedent set by Guy vs Guy Supreme Court in Mississippi for the very same thing. A woman using the marriage to get a career. Among other things is states..
¶ 13. We return to the words of the Supreme Court of New Jersey on this issue, Marriage should not be a free ticket to professional education and training without subsequent obligations ․ One spouse ought not to receive a divorce complaint when the other receives a diploma. Those spouses supported through professional school should recognize that they may be called upon to reimburse the supporting spouses for the financial contributions they received in pursuit of their professional training. And they cannot deny the basic fairness of this result.
This is why she used domestic violence child abuse and drugs to confuse the real situation. She has financially profited & emotionally off of her hiding behind these accusations and the court system has let me and my daughter down.
If you have made it this far I thank you for listening. Warn your friends. Just because its legal does not mean the courts are obligated to follow the law. The judge in case abused his discretion overlooking anything I said or complied with or lies proved in court for that matter.
Marijuana has & is helping me daily deal with my conditions.
At this point I feel helpless.
Thank you again, I feel somewhat better getting it all out there. I just got off a court call telling me they do not care about my health and ability to work or anything else but paying 19k interest on my child support to them. This will end badly for me. It does every time so far.
At this point I am court order to file for disability due to my health and not working to pay child support because I had a Prop 215 medical recommendation for my health which did not stop me from being drug tested and lose my child.
Make sure any Judge you go before with a Medicinal Marijuana card has demonstrated the ability to personal feelings aside and follow the law.
Sorry for your situation. With regard to your daughter, get a diary and write to her when you want. Once a year on her birthday, or once a day if you want. When she is adult enough to see things for what they are, she will seek you out trying to get answers. The diary will show her your feelings and side of the story clearly
Yes, you need an attorney. You can probably find one pro bono or at least free if you don't recover any damages.
CA is the worst place to get married, though no where is great these days if you're a man. I'm single, almost 37. Marriage is a massive financial risk stacked against men. I see no reason to involve the state in my personal relationships nor need their blessing. If a woman wants to leave me, the lifestyle I provide should go with me. Package deal. No modern career woman needs alimony.
Thank you, I have tried Norml lawyers but they do not deal with divorce. I have tried Civil lawyers who will not touch medical marijuana.
I have wrote to her but over the years I burned them.
Wow, I'm actually really angry on your behalf. Family Courts have actually lobbied for years to get away from having to follow the constitution. You normally can go to the Clerk of Courts to attempt to stop corruption, but family courts have gotten away with not being corrected using the buzz phrase "In the best interest of the child." This has actually gotten children killed before, since the abusive parent hired the lawyer that gave the most campaign donations to the overseeing judge.
I believe you may benefit from seeing this documentary:
Also, don't know if you've hever heard of Dr Tara J. Palmatier, also might be helpful:
http://shrink4men.com/
Also, Child Support is Unconstitutional; it is "Debtors Prison", which technically in America is illegal. But so too is the Federal Reserve; Communist planks to destroy the family and have children be raised and indoctrinated by the state. Its been entrenched in the system so much, and people have been brainwashed to "always believe" by CIA funded feminist that men are really getting screwed in the family courts.
I think your story needs to be heard on a much larger scale. There are many, many sympathetic to this kind of plight; a lot of them get slandered by socialist outlets such as the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), like AVFM (A Voice for men) whom said that it was a "misogyny site" (which is not true).
Mainly trying to show you things that you may benefit from that I'm not sure you were aware of.
Thank you very much. I am about 60 - 90 days from jail. any consideration of my ongoing health status has been ignored aug 23 and now I am sinking into debt prison with verifiable conditions I was just told do not matter. The commissioner even hung up the phone on me. My new lovely wife and I were shocked. She couldn't believe how I was ignored , talked down to, and made out to be ditching my "obligation". Meanwhile my ex is call by my last name still to is day in court even though she married that guy he cheated with and entered the same paperwork from 10 years ago as if she were broke and i l her and my child out on the street. I will check out a voice for men..
No Problem. Hope you benefit in some way from it, I realize I didn't link them, though easy to find; I'll link it anyway, just so it's here: http://www.avoiceformen.com/
well, My daughter just turned 18 couple days ago. phasing in and out of emotions. its been rough.
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thanks for the heads up
update: disability has gone through phase one. next phase my be 3 to 6 months. I only hope the courts will accept this documentation before they hold me in contempt for non payment. At this point I think i will never see my child. myabe one day she will understand the whole situation.
well, My daughter just turned 18 couple days ago. phasing in and out of emotions. its been rough.
Oh and guess what even though marijuana is recreationally Legal for California citizens I am still subject to this court order.
So nothing has changed.
In fact California has every year sniped in and adjusted the amount. They've raised it and you can only a just this once a year.
It's like cyber squatting on a domain name or something they get right in there and boom its done.
So the Half of my disability being taken is less than the amount being owed and I'm underwater and close to being you know at that point of being arrested. And they're like earning interest on the debt I owe it all this stuff is stacking up.
Never get out of it.
There's not even been one lawyer over these years who has even Hinted at Taking this on.
And being out of state doesn't help.
Sound a local company law firm out there that will do it in Oceanside so I just got a you know save the 20 bucks a month to get the Money to do an initial consultation.
Alright well. Nothing good to report here.
thanks confucious.. ill keep that in mind.