Sounds like life has been tough for you... I really hope that you can find something to help. I know mental disorders are hard ones to deal with and can't even imagine how hard yours is to contain. I have severe anxiety and bi-polar depression, and I lose it every once in a while... So I know how it feels. Just keep your head up and find yourself a rock that will keep you steady. Good luck.
My rock is a 3 year old who calls me Grandma. He is my light :)