"Just blow after blow, statistics taunting me with the seeming futility of my life's work."
Tel Aviv, January 28 - A resident of the Jewish State's financial and commercial capital expressed distress today upon discovering that yet again, that state numbers among the top five in citizen satisfaction and optimism, despite his own insistence that the place deserves destruction and replacement by a more "locally authentic" regime, local sources reported today.
Uri Shenhav, a far-left activist who has long maintained that Israel's existence as a Jewish state has no justification and will prove unsustainable, expressed profound disappointment and sadness today at the publication of yet another annual survey indicating that Israel ranks high on the list of countries in terms of happiness, for approximately the tenth year in a row.
"This is terrible," he moaned, looking at the rankings again. "All the other countries in the top ten are European, and it includes all the Scandinavian countries. What the actual Hell?"
"Iceland, I understand," he continued. "Finland. Norway. Luxembourg. Those make sense. They have great social systems and great cohesion. But Israel? ISRAEL? There's no. Goddamn. Way. I refuse to believe it."
Hos voice began to shake, and his face screwed up as tears began to flow.
"I work so hard to bring this place down," he sobbed. "I give it my all. I'm out there protesting every night, not just on weekends, for whatever will bring the government, and the system, down. It all has to go. I spend countless hours, I don't even know how many, keeping in touch with European foundations and governments, trying to get funding for initiatives to undermine Jewish sovereignty because there's, like, nothing more offensive and oppressive in this world. And here, now, year after year, just blow after blow, statistics taunting me with the seeming futility of my life's work."
His words receded into gibberish as the sobs rendered them unintelligible.
In various surveys over the last decade or more, Israel has hovered between second and sixth places in the happiness index, which, with some variation among the surveys, weighs GDP per capita, fertility, and various other social and institutional indicators to arrive at a happiness score. Few observers express shock at finding Scandinavian or Western European countries in the top echelon, but Israel's placement among them has not ceased to be a subject of wonderment and fascination among analysts, since none of the other countries that rank high find themselves in a century-old existential conflict with enemies that surround them and have repeatedly vowed and pursued the country's destruction.
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