Trigger warning. I was in a horrible multi vehicle accident five days ago. My emotions are raw and this is a true account as I have and still are experiencing. I have changed the names of those involved, there were a number of different accidents in the same tunnel every day since.
The first part can be found here.
The connection to my in-car 911 assist had been lost when the semi hit me, and cells did not work in the tunnel, but the 911 operator had known the tunnel, so I assumed the authorities were on the way. We were almost completely boxed in- numerous commercial vehicles were piled in a jumbled mess behind, and the semi that had jackknifed behind our Jeeps was now a jagged heap of gaping metal in front of us, blocking the front tunnel exit.
The lady who helped me out of my Jeep told me her name was Amanda and that she was the only one in her Jeep- she had escaped out her back window. I was in shock that she did not have a mark.
She explained that a semi truck in front of her had swerved a bit and she figured it was black ice so she had hit her brakes and then lost control on the ice, hit the wall, then ended up sideways in the tunnel. Knowing me and the other truck had been not far behind her and were now coming at her passenger side, she tried to hit the gas but apparantly had stalled her engine in her collision with the wall. She said I did a really good job maneuvering the ice and trying to slide by her up until the very end as there just wasn't enough room.
She said she had always thought she would die in a car accident. She said she figured this was it. I still did not believe she was not a ghost.
I walked around my Jeep as much as I could. She was ripped apart and crunched; leaking fluids like lifeblood. Amandas Jeep was tangled in mine, her front wheel wrapped under and around my rear. I could not comprehend how we even tangled the way we did, considering I had watched her go airborne.
Amanda and I marveled at the fact that we were standing and (seemingly) injury free as we stood side by side staring at our vehicles.
We both agreed out loud that this is the very reason we had chosen Jeep.
I wanted to go to an exit. I needed to get out of that tunnel. I considered both entrances. I could see sunlight from both, but they felt so far away even though they are mere seconds when driving.
I did not know what to do. I felt so helpless and lost. Where was the help? An older gentleman had worked his way through the tunnel, asking everyone if we were alright, explaining those outside the tunnel had dialed 911 and they were on the way. Others were helping the Jackknifed semi driver out of his jagged cab. He was bleeding and mumbling. Someone was wrapping his hand with their shirt.
Everyone was wide eyed and moved strangely.
I wandered. I stood. I was without thought and filled with too much at the same time. There was nowhere to go. I wanted to escape. To go back in time and not ever have been on this highway. I willed my mind to wake up, this had to be a bad dream.
What do you do in this situation? Nobody teaches you these things. It was hard to think but at the same time too many thoughts were racing. And I wasn't entirely sure we were truly alive.
It was freezing. Under 20 degrees in the tunnel. I was wearing my comfy Toms canvas shoes I like to drive in, but they and my jeans were soaked with all the fluids that were seeping from all the vehicles. I noticed my fingers were pained and looked at them. They were pale and sickly looking. I pulled a blanket from the open window of my Jeep and offered another to Amanda. I was grateful I had thought to bring them.
I suddenly realized my vehicle was still running. I had a thought of fire danger and scrambled onto her hood and reached in the window to push the OFF button. Nothing. I shimmied in further and tried to put her in PARK, but the gear shift wouldn't budge.
I knew she was done. There would be no fixing her. She was in bad shape. I pulled my bags and the few things I could out and set them on the concrete. I realized my glasses had flown from my head. I couldn't spot those. Movement caught my attention and I noticed Amanda was doing the same with her belongings.
The road was a mess of clothes, water bottles, pieces of plastic and metal, papers, and all kinds of things, all mixed in the fluids from the vehicles.
I realized tears were streaming freely down my face.
As they would do for no reason and every reason for the next couple of days.
Finally, after what seemed like 45 minutes, I heard sirens. Strangely, it was not comforting. It was simply surreal. The whole thing felt blurry and hazy. Like a dream. The colors were distorted and the feelings were sharp but wrong. But the sirens did do a little to help me realize that we were truly alive and not just displaced souls.
A tall bald Highway Patrol Officer with dark shades appeared, jogging through the carnage. He stopped at every vehicle and quickly surveyed it, talking briefly with anyone he encountered. He jogged over to us and asked if we were ok. He had us each point to our vehicle, and tell him if there was anyone else inside. Then maneuvered forward.
More officers, Department of Transportation workers, and First Responders- firemen and EMT's- appeared. Each one asking if we were injured. Someone took a brief account from each of us, telling us they would need more later.
I had to call my loved ones. The need was so strong. I told an Officer I was going to walk just outside of the tunnel to use my phone. "That's fine," he said. Then called after me, "wait! Just..." He jogged over to me. "Well, I was going to tell you not to go anywhere, but I guess there's nowhere to go! Go on sweetie."
The drive to speak to my loved ones was so intense I tried to hurry. But my body felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds. And my lungs weren't working- my breathing was forced and terribly difficult, like I was doing the most strenuous activity possible. But I was only just walking slightly on the faster side.
I called my loved ones. I was desperate when they wouldn't answer fast, almost panicking. Didn't they know the importance? Of course not. But the mind does strange things. Relief washed over me after each successful phone call. I wanted them to know I was alright as much as I needed to hear their voices.
I had wanted to be out of the tunnel so fiercely. But after my calls I felt a strong urge to be with my Jeep. I felt like I was abandoning her, after she had done such an amazing job saving my life.
I didn't know what to do, and I had noone else to call, so I made my way back.
A DOT worker in a reflective green vest appeared before me. "You need to get warm. Walk between those two semis and get in the red truck right behind that one," he pointed. I blinked. My mind was slow in catching up to what he was trying to tell me. He led me toward his dually and helped me up into the passenger seat, turned the heat to high, then shut the door.
Right beside the dually were six or eight firemen cutting into what used to be a small white car. It looked as if what I had imagined the jackknifed semi was going to do our Jeeps- basically slice the tops off. I watched them pull a small body on a board out. The leg was dangling strangely. I averted my eyes, not wanting to see the rest. But they flicked back to see a dangerously distorted face covered in blood. My stomach twisted and I turned around in my seat to face forward.
She was air lifted to a large hospital. I found out through locals that she has a number of broken bones and a hole in her spleen. She is fighting, and has a long road of recovery, and is a resident of that town.
Two officers opened my door and asked me to tell them what happened. I saw another officer putting Amanda into the back of his patrol car with a clipboard. Then they handed me a clipboard and asked if I would write what they just told me if I felt ok.
I filled in my name, birthday, date and address. Then I struggled with my phone number.
I have had this number for a long time. I know it well. It is also my work number as I am a freelance writer, plus given the fact that I am a mom to three boys I give my number several times a week.
I could not remember my own phone number.
I made up different number combinations in my head trying to trigger my memory. I finally gave up and wrote the account of what had happened. Strangely, I could remember the different colors of the cabs of the trucks that I had watched coming at me in my rearview, but I couldn't remember my own phone number?
Finally I remembered it and wrote it on the accident sheet. But I did the exact same thing a half hour later when I had to fill out another similar paper- I forgot my phone number.
Frank, the DOT worker who placed me in his truck got in and asked us if we had anyone coming for us. My people were all very far away so I figured I would get a rental from my insurance, the truck driver was hoping to hitch a ride with a fellow trucker to Sacramento and wanted to get to a truck stop, and Amandas parents were on their way from Reno. Frank explained that after the three semis and three passenger vehicles that were involved in the wreck were hauled out of the tunnel, he would drive us to a hotel casino in Elko where we would be dropped off to call our insurance agencies, wait for our people, and otherwise figure out what to do. There were lots of amenities, food, and hotel rooms just in case we had to spend the night. We had no other ideas so we agreed.
To be continued...
Little did I know that driving so soon after an accident would send me into a prolonged state of panic, the healing comfort of the amazing residents of Elko, the physically terrifying effects of PTSD that gave me a concussion many hours after the accident, and more tomorrow as I continue the account of one of the worst things I've ever experienced.
Also, I learned a few tips on how to help ease the effects of PTSD post car accident I'd like to share.
Thank you so much for your support and love. You guys are truly amazing. I am so honored to be part of this amazing Steemit community. I could never have imagined an online community could actually help a person heal, but then again the people of Steemit are truly one of a kind :)
Great bigs hugs to you my friends <3 Thank you for being you.
I truly appreciate you guys, more than you know. And I am so very thankful I am here with you today.
Hold your loved ones tight tonight <3
Images via Pexels
What if the last person on Earth was the one you hated most? Dead i. A Steemit Original Fiction Series. Episode 3 is out now!
In case you missed the beginning, you can catch up by clicking the following links: Episode 1 Prologue and Episode 2
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With Love, Positivity and Good Mojo Light,
May Your Days Be Always Happy and Bright!
Can You Trust Your Mind?
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10 Secrets to University Success That Also Work in All Areas in Your Life
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A Crazy Trick to Write Difficult Things That Really works!
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The Sunk Cost Fallacy
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My Near Death Experience, Part 1
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I understand the PTSD; it happened to a good friend of mine while on holiday. We'd rented a jeep for the day; we swapped drivers after lunch, when, suddenly... he was freaking out at the wheel! We stopped, talked about it and the memories flooded back of his near-fatal and fairly recent motorbike accident. We decided to break through the feelings and regain his confidence; it was off-season and not many other cars on the road. It seemed to have worked.
On the second day, we went off-road climbing up mountains - he was determined to drive. It was my turn to be shit scared!
We were fine!
Oh my. Yes, you never know when the images will start replaying in your head- out of nowhere.
SO glad you were there to help talk him through it. That is important. You are amazing and just what was needed <3
Honey, that is just terrifying! May I share a word game I play with myself? I have fought PTSD, I understand it is a battle of body, mind and spirit. As a word nerd, this silly little thing my husband once told me has helped me over and over through the years. You are sort of a word nerd too, maybe it will help you...?
After an injury (Post-trauma) the normal, human thing to do is endeavor to avoid such injury in the future. It causes us stress to think we might experience it again. There is NOTHING about this process that is a "disorder." Humans experience Stress After Injuries. Post Traumatic Stress. It is NOT a "disorder."
Now then, there is a lot of healing still to be done, but at least "literally" you are back to "normal" already.
Much love and big hugs!
I agree that this should not be considered an illness any more than the concussion. It happened to you and any changes in you are coping mechanisms you are trying to get right for you. I say this as a psychologist who often deals with illness, but PTSD or acute stress are done to you - as fishyculture wisely observes and your efforts to recover are progressively better coping opportunities.
I absolutely agree with this. It should never be considered a disorder. That would imply there's something wrong when in all actuality it's completely natural.
Thanks for chiming in. For me, telling myself I had a "disorder" was bad medicine. My sweet husband has lived with my word obsessed silliness a long time now, and one day he decided to try to "cure" me of the word "disorder." It did not make the flashbacks or crying stop, but it let one part of me feel "better" and that was a start.
I like that. It's accurate- it can't be a disorder any more than than it could be a condition. It's a natural survival reaction to a horrible event.
Thank you hun <3
The key word in your reply being "survival." You made it!! Namaste'!
Just remember this, whenever the body goes through an event like this you have to take it easy; body and mind need time to settle.
I'm glad you're ok
I have that instinct to take it easy and relax, not even do anything mentally strenuous. I cannot even watch "heavy" films. Just can't do it...
I'm a big believer in the mind and body knowing what it needs...
Thanks :)
I'm so thankful you are okay. I couldn't imagine not seeing your posts on Steemit going forward. I enjoy reading your work. Hope you heal soon... I'm sure you will now that you have time on your side. Stay safe @arbitrarykitten !
It'll definitely be a process, but I'm determined to be whole again ;)
Thanks hun, it world take an awful lot more than a collision to keep me away ;)
I have been reading about this horrific accident from yesterday's post. What you went through is pretty traumatic, I have been in road accidents but not as bad as this.Talking about it is part of healing so am glad you are posting and I do wish you quick recovery from the PTSD caused by this.
Thank you <3
I just can't imagine how traumatic this experience has been for you. Keep your head up, and continue healing, we'll all be here to support you if need be.
Thank you so much. My Steemit tribe is amazing <3
Your support is truly appreciated
Woah, this gave me goosebumps. You poor thing, can’t even imagine going through all of that - it’s one of those things you think will never happen to you. Hope you feel better soon & are being looked after by loved ones and friends. Thanks for sharing, sure does make you realise that life is too short - hugging my little lady extra tight as we speak. Take care!
That's the key- being cared for by loved ones <3
Lovely lady, I am so glad Steemit is here to help with your recovery. I pray you don't suffer as long as I did. Reading this stirred up a little memory for me, but I will be fine. I will add you to my nightly prayers that I say for family and friends. I do hope you can slowly overcome the fear of driving. Hang in there, ok?
Thank you so much hun, I really appreciate your prayers <3 Sorry to bring back memories, I know that must be hard. Gentle hugs <3
And... thank you my friend ❤️
I have been praying every night that you get through this. It's ok on the memory of mine. It was years ago. :-) We were also lucky to walk away. The medics were shocked, especially the side I was on (back seat/right.) Had there been another car coming in opposite direction, they say would have been a different story. God, for sure, is not done with us. :-)
We definitely have some things to do yet ❤️❤️❤️
I have just begun to know you (sunk cost and a couple other things you wrote) and was already following so I am glad you made it out with mostly emotional wounds. Its OK to be afraid of driving after what happened and realistically more safety into your everyday driving once you get it back (although no camera/electrical warnings could have stopped the semi). EMDR is a short term quick treatment that is especially good for something Acute like what happened, if there is not a lot of past trauma that got stirred up as well. If the main problem is just the driving treating it like a phobia (an exposure therapy approach) might be a different choice. And if things stay troubling you may need to treat it like PTSD, and that takes a more skilled therapist. Sounds like you have already found some healing which I look forward to your sharing with us
Great points you shared here. Appreciate this.
I'm definitely going to be sharing the healing process, PTSD and similar can be very debilitating and there's a stigma that needs to be shattered...
Oh, I am so very sorry that you had to go through all of this and I am grateful that you are alive and not physically injured. You have angels watching over you. Nobody can even imagine how you feel unless they have been in your shoes. Rest assured that your mind will heal with the proper coping skills and time. You are in my prayers...bless you!
That means a lot <3 Thank you so much hun, I am appreciative
great post @arbitrarykitten.
Thanks!
Get well soon...
Thank you <3
Get well soon. Have a nice day.
Thanks hun
That was a very terrible experience. I thank God for your life.
I pray for your quickest recovery.
Get well soon sweetheart.
I want your support on my post whenever you are chanced. "Pain behind unfulfilled dreams"
https://steemit.com/life/@captain-tom/the-pain-behind-unfulfilled-dreams-1st-episode-what-is-your-story-what-is-the-way-out
Thank you <3
I can't imagine how you feel, I was involved in a car accident in January, and, and it was the fact that the brakes of the car failed, I was thankful to be alive.
The thing is it must have gotten to you, I know you feel so emotional about this, please try to calm.
I hope you never experience such a traumatizing experience.
Stay safe ma'm
I hope you're healing well my friend. <3
Oh my gosh this is bone-chilling! I am so glad you are ok and hope that the trauma heals very soon. Keep safe, and Jeep all the way!
Jeep saved my life. Mopar all the way, Absolutely :)
Hope you're recovering and taking time out to heal.
mine wasnt as savage as what you've endured, but i was close to being impaled by something once, millimeters away.. scariest part was seeing flashes before my eyes an hour before it happened..Hi @Arbitrarykitten just been reading your posts, and truly shocked to hear what has happened, been in a rta once, and it leaves you shaken up or worse..
Seeing flashes, any time, is messed up. I hope you've healed <3
it was like a prewarn. because it happened a second time.. no real damage except a slight head cut and whiplash..
Oh dear, I'm sorry you have to go through this. That was real intense to read, I bet even more intense to write.
Hope you a fast recovery @arbitrarykitten.
It was unreal. It still feels that way.
It's difficult to write, but I know it's also helping me heal.
Thank you <3
This is some tale. I'm glad you are ok and hope things are getting back to normal.
Slowly and surely <3 Thank you
A concussion is not to be ignored. That and the PTSD is enough for you to process for a while. Take your time and get well. I am still shaking my head at the events that happened in that tunnel...
True story. I am fortunate I have a great set of doctors caring for my medical needs :)
Sounds like you're going through some rough stuff but on the bright side you were very lucky and seem to have a great attitude.
It's definitely tough.
I agree, I am so lucky. I'm still in shock.
Congratulations on surviving that ordeal! I've been in some bad accidents, but nothing compared to what you described. We're all glad you made it.
I too have dealt with PTSD. My doctor recommended cannabis, which WA officially recognizes as a treatment for it.
I am definitely considering getting some oil...
Thank you very much @arbitrarykitten for writing this second part of your story and submitting it to SWC. I sent a bid to a bot for your upvote.
Thank you so much
I know you will be healed very soon just continue sharing it to the community so you'll feel light... I admire you really ms. @arbitrarykitten please take care always 😘😘😘❤️
Thank you hun ❤️
Thank you for collaborating with me to promote this post as explained at https://steemit.com/steemit/@jerrybanfield/10-ways-to-fund-a-steem-growth-project.
Thank you so much :)
Ugh.. i cant imagine myself if that will happen to me. Oh God protect me always.
Be safe and live and love each day without restraint ❤️
Words fail me, but I am so grateful you are still here with us and able to process this <3
Thank you Rachel ❤️ Hugs!
That's so crazy. I hope you are surrounded by loved ones to take care of you now. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Just know that we love you!
❤️ I love you too sweetie. SO glad I have you guys
I wished I had a huge upvote I could give you so you could relax for a while and rest....
Just you thinking of me means so much doll <3 Thank you
That was a very terrifying moment to involve in such tragic things and thanks God some still manage to get out safely and escape from badly injured. That can lead a long term trauma effect to be able to drive back on the road...it must be a worst experience to have.
I have never been anything less than confident in my driving abilities. Driving after was terrifying. At times, but once the panic sets in there is nowhere for it to go... I'm writing about that this weekend- getting behind the wheel and approaching that tunnel...
Thank you hun <3 and congratulations!
Oh my word. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. Your writing is so raw, I find myself transported through our words. I'm so glad that you are (relatively) okay.
Thank you hun <3
Wow again! An amazing tale of survival. I see you also write fiction - I can imagine that much healing can be found by writing stories about similar situations and how the characters survive (mentally) - or not... Thanks so much for sharing! Again, I'd upvote if I could even give you a penny, but it's not so at the moment.
You wrote a harrowing account of your accident. I give you props for sharing something so raw and so new to you. I entered into that state of shock and disillusion you described easily because of my car/pedestrian accident in April of 2000. I was walking away from my car that had slipped on black ice in a field and, low and behold, another young driver got thrown into the same field and, although she saw me in her head lights, she froze at the wheel and hit me. I never knew what hit me, but, like you, I survived. I got up from being unconscious, face down in the mud, and walked toward the road and that little girl turned around and came back for me, then drove me home where an ambulance took me to the ER.
To this day, except for the ongoing injuries of migraine from the head injury and sciatica from having my leg fractured in two places in the accident, I rejoice that I was spared my life.
My prayers are going up for you as each day you heal and move forward from this. Your writing skills are excellent! I'm so happy that you lived through the accident, Jeeps can be replaced, but people cannot. Blessings and be well.
I am so thankful that you are OK. That is beyond terrifying. Hugs from me.
Did you even read the article @luckypower ?You’re an asshole for leaving such a spammy comment on this post. So sorry you had to go through this @arbitrarykitten . Experienced a similar accident a while back. Wishing you luck as it can be a bit before you’re back to normal.
Thank you so much hun. Yeah, I can already see the healing process will be long...
I appreciate your support <3