We have all come across them. We are all frustrated by them. And many of us have accidentally (or maybe not so accidentally) slipped into the category ourselves. Easily identifiable behaviors include not waiting their turn at stop signs, crossing a street in a slow diagonal path while cars wait, and not holding doors for those behind them. The most common defining characteristic of a jackélope is pure obliviousness. Finding a jackélope in the wild doesn’t take patience or camouflage. In fact, jackélopes are probably the most common mammal on earth. Some scientists theorize that this is the most highly adapted species on the planet, incapable of extinction.
Jackélope [jakˌəˌlōp]: A sub-species of Homo sapiens.
Scientific Name: Homo jackélopis
Jackélope Behavior: The following is a list of behaviors our scientific team has observed from jackélopes in the wild:
• The cut off behavior: This behavior takes place in many forms. “The cut off” generally occurs while the jackélope uses different modes of transportation including, but not exclusively: driving a car, riding alternative wheeled transportation, pushing a shopping cart, and surprisingly even while walking. Often this behavior is associated with the use of a small rectangular technology.
• The block behavior: Often mistaken for the cut off behavior, the block behavior occurs because of a desire for something combined with the inability to notice anything or anyone in their immediate environment. The primary example of this behavior occurs in any throughway or passageway. The jackélope will block all passage for others on streets by double parking or randomly stopping in the middle of the road. While walking, the jackélope often forms semicircles with other jackélopes to block all passageways for Homo sapiens. Grocery stores are also a common place to observe the block behavior.
• The me first behavior: When resources are rare, like perhaps the last piece of pizza, the jackélope always makes sure to act fast, retrieving and guarding to prevent valuable resources from falling into the hand of regular Homo sapiens. Jackélopes may or may not exhibit this behavior due to obliviousness, but in either case, they often obtain the CEO position for this behavior. From this position of power, the CEO jackélopis is able to maintain control over rare resources.
• The trolling behavior: Jackélopes live to bring others down. This behavior is displayed by mocking others or the needless promoting and repeating of off topic points of conversation.
• The whining behavior: This behavior is often an issue of the jackélope’s self-image. If other Homo sapiens are believed to be more respected, or are in possession of something the jackélope desires, then this verbal behavior rears its ugly head. On steemit.com the jackélope often complains about two other subspecies of humans: the Homo whaleis and the Homo interestingWriteris.
Homo sapiens often use an array of non-verbal communication techniques to communicate with jackélopes. These techniques include eye rolling, hand shaking, and the occasional use of the middle finger. The car horn is another useful way of getting the attention of jackélopes.
Are you a jackélope? Have you seen one in the wild? Please feel free to comment below and share the behavioral patterns you observed. And the next time you see one wondering around, feel free to use the phrase: "What a jackélope."