Here's another one for you:
A man walks into a bar, and he sees an old pirate with a wooden leg, a hook hand, and a patch over one eye. He walked up to the pirate, bought him a beer, and asked how the old man had lost his leg.
"Well", he said, "We were on the ropes, swingin' across to board an enemy ship when a cannon-ball was shot from the besieged vessel and blew me leg clean off!"
"What about your hook hand?" the man asked.
"Well, me crew and I, we got into a disagreement over the booty from the ship once it was captured. I went to reach for me share of the treasure when me own first mate cut me hand clean off!" the pirate said.
"Wow, that is incredible," the man next to him said. "What about your eye?"
"Oh, that?" the pirate said laughing. "A seagull shat in me eye."
"A seagull?" asked the man. "How did a little bird shit make you lose your eye?"
"Well," the pirate said. "It was the first day with me new hook."
Nice one