@Originalworks
Well, for starters.. is this halfway through the first chapter or the intro? I would have started with the first half of chapter 1 or at least the entire first page of chapter 1 and also included in the beginning of the post: My name is ------, I am writing a book called ------, it is the genre of --------, In this chapter the main character/secondary character (name) is experiencing -------.
Once I start writing my books again I will be posting snipets from mine. From what I can tell it is well written.