Before I reveal the story of what the monk told me, I have to tell about my time being ill and recalling my dreams.
Stardate: July 7 or 8, 1992
It is July 7 or 8, I cannot remember which day it is. I am paralyzed again. This is a kind of torpor, a death-like state of indecision. The eternal question pops into my mind:
What am I doing?
If there is a question that is self-defeating, it is this one. I have been thinking about Peter lately. What will it be like when I return? He seems distant. Sometimes I feel as though that entire week we spent together existed in my fantasies alone. That entire time: the disco dance, meeting him on the phone, the days of being stoned, watching Dreams and staying up all night, those memories seem part of another consciousness. They are not part of this daily existence in Japan.
I didn't wake up until 1 pm today. I don't know why I overslept. My dreams were not so interesting or wonderful to stay in. In one dream I was drunk driving, I was going through red lights, my brakes didn't work well, I was out of control and I feared getting pulled over by the police. And so it happened in my dream. I was pulled over by the cops and I got a DUI.
But my dream the night before was very interesting. I was building a base for a tent and I had to stretch out a piece of material over rocks and crevices. I completed three fourths of the task then I saw a beautiful bird perched on a nearby branch.
I went over to look at it. It was beautiful. Its back side was streaked with purple and emerald green and the plumage on the tail was yellow and melon colored. After I had looked at the bird for a few minutes, I turned around, intending to finish my work, but instead of finding my workplace in the middle of the woods, I found a city street, complete with vegetable markets, 7-Elevens, shoe stores and restaurants. I wandered towards this street in utter confusion.
I had only turned my back for a few minutes and within that span of time, the entire "set" had changed. It wasn't actually a "set" but as I now realized, my perceived reality was not real, but always transforming. I now thought of the world as a theater set.
I searched for my tent, I searched for the wilderness but all I could find was a cityscape. Someone or something was playing a nasty trick on me and I felt as if I had just been thrown into one of those pages of The Magus in which real life was just a game, where people play different roles in order to deceive you.
I was certain that if I wandered long enough, I would eventually find the tent again. But as the hours passed, all I could see was city streets, vendors, warehouses, panchinko arcades, bustling people. As my confusion and frustration mounted, I could feel an uncontrollable eruption inside my body. My blood became hotter, bubbling, and my brain was spinning. As I stood in the center of a faceless, nameless crowd, I let out a horrific shriek, a wail that could be heard by every person.
Screaming despite that now a circle had formed around me and everyone had affixed their beady eyes on me, I wailed and screamed. I clawed the air and clouds, I pierced the water molecules and I continued screaming until the moment when I awoke.
A scream of frustration of isolation and of utter confusion.
I have been alone in Kyoto, Nagoya, Nara, Tokyo and have experienced much agony and confusion.
....to be continued.
your post that before that I need to write in the comments to ask you about it. After the translation of article, I need to send you a link to the nterpretation. Is it necessary to wait for your reply and send a link? Or, if there is no answer, does this mean your tacit disagreement? Thank you.Hi @stellabelle. I already wrote that I want to translate this article into Russian. I read in
sorry, i was late. Yes, you can translate it. No problem.
Thank you @stellabelle, I will do. And thanks for the Upvote my translation of your previous post.
thanks for doing the translation!
Hi @stellabelle. I translated this post. You can see the translation here https://steemit.com/journal/@igor-steem/dnevnik-1992-goda-odinochestvo-sny-i-chem-ya-byla-zanyata.
Resteemed & Upvoted
Waiting waiting waiting
eagerly waiting for other parts also. @stellabelle
Good perspective -- I really appreciate honest posts like this and I look forward to seeing more of your content in the future! I just followed you, and I hope you'll do the same so we can connect and continue to evolve and learn from each other! Remember, be yourself, because nobody does it better -- Full #Steem ahead :)
Much ❤Follow me @tayken
Sounds really like a disturbing dream.
Life is disturbing. Dreams are only mirroring that.
Hmmm, Sidetracked us a little bit........
25 years is a long time. Can you still relate to the younger you?
yes
You've experienced so much
Like literally your story telling is spectacular and steemers will surely enjoy reading it.
@stellabelle thank you so much
Thanks for sharing @stellabelle.waiting for the next part of your journal..
you are amazing you remember all the scene of your dreams, others can't do that. After waking up from your dreams you will forget the whole story unless you write it down in a piece of paper. Let me share my story, I had a bad dream before, a monster chasing me,im screaming , and shouting for help but there's no voice coming out in my real body i cant even move i'm paralized .My mother tried to wake me up because she hears im growling but it didnt work. In my dream, i run and run... but monster caught me,nobody can help me and just on my mind on that time is God..i pray and ask for help on Him..And thanks it wakes me up.. im tired and very sweaty.
Great crazy dreams. I wished I remembered more of mine.
Copyright infringement on your title :-P I want compensation.
So wait, the whole thing was a dream? I missed a lot of your posts while I was running from city to city with no where to live. I didn't realize what a colorful imagination you have, like totally Doug Funny style.
Hope you get some good sleep soon!
I like the way you write it is so engaging. My dreams are quite weird and confusing aswell if i ever remember them but they are always so chaotic. :)
Great, I love to read these type of content, just joined the steemit and surfing these type good content is great,👍🏻
Great article!! Goodluck with your steemit journey!♢
I like your post: D "amazing dreams
Excellent Post!! Waiting for the continuation :)
Loved your video in Dan's farewell post.
thanks, which video? I cannot remember...
ABOUT YOU, FOR YOU :) Super Future Steemit Tag Trendolizer!!!
oh yeah. i never found out if dan saw it or not. i would guess not. he doesn't make room for such frivolities.
Great journal! there were parts I didn't quite understand (16 years old suck at reading lol) but for the most part, I understood.
Very well put together, nice work, thanks for sharing.
This is so strange and surreal and wonderful... all at the same time!
I wouldn't mind getting lost in Japan. In fact I believe is the best place to do this. It is part of the culture.
It's very safe so even if you get lost, at least you won't get killed like you would in the USA.
yeap, I remember wondering around a few times.
Excellent post and video! Waiting eagerly for continued part.
This is getting really good. I'm glad I found your writings, and you found your journal! following for more
Happy to read your experience......
upvoted! i wish to give at least $5 vote but my max vote only $0.04
Интересная статья.
This is so good, looking forward to the continuation.
You have a very interesting blog. Perhaps I will write primitive thoughts, but you are one of the best authors. Such creative imagination is not given to every person. You are happy!
ha ha! me happy?
I am full of panic most days. But I guess I've gotten good at using my imagination over years spent by myself. It doesn't scare me anymore, dying, being alone, etc.........
I, too, full of panic, but you can be a little happy;)) your imagination is not very standard) I like it)You are happy, in my opinion because you are very talented. And your talent is recognized by considering your popularity. Does not that make you happy?
only slightly.
It's better than nothing) I hope you find something that will bring peace to your heart.
such a pretty love :)i am following you @stellabelle caz i m loving your true story .
i need to sleep
Is that real story of you? If not its great poetry of Bernard Shah. If real story no one can explain better than you.
By reading I am feeling its Novel written by famous poets
I would like to read this continuation, so following you. Thanks
Yes, this is my writing. I wrote it in a journal from 1992. I was in Japan, as a young woman traveling alone.
The sequencing of events and the flow of the story is at good pace , i really enjoy reading it
Upvoted and resteemed !! Waiting for the next ones
hello,
we are on a mission to help million lives to get something meaning full out of there life, so far we have only been able to help a few. here is one of those stories.
https://steemit.com/life/@donationbox/enabling-children-to-make-the-transition-from-street-to-school
please give it a read and be generous to give us an upvote and a resteem so that we could reach maximum number of users. the more people knows the better it is.
please also visit our website : www.savethechildren.in
thank you for your time
Really brave to share it! It is extremely interesting how far we can go in our dreams! Now imagine how much we can achieve in life!
Thanks again for sharing!
Best,
Denitsa ♥
"My perceived reality was not real, but always transforming. I now thought of the world as a theater set". This really resonated with me. Very interesting journal entry, thank you for sharing.
what happens next xD
it's there.....i just wrote it.
After a really long time I am reading something so engaging, so vivid. Good work there.
Follow and vote @ndnd92 .. I will follow you back , and vote :)
A dream or a nightmere? Confusion can be terrifying!
What a crazy dream. Looking forward for the second part.
wow
This and the post prior... brilliance and magic!
Hi @stellabelle. I would like to translate this article into Russian too. This is a more difficult post for translation, but very interesting.
yes, sure, go ahead.
The dream is the story. How do we go from Peter to the dream?
I duckdockgoed The Magus. I was wondering if it was some opus, or if it was part of the dream story. Turns out it is a novel. I´ll have to put it in the reading list. Number 70 something. But first Í´ll have to read next installment of this dreaming writings.
Simply nice one dear ....
In 1992 I was 4 years old
here is a post! I like
This is a fascinating post. I love dream interpretations. I'm in Japan right now so this is particular prescient. Following along excited to read more.
You alway amaze me with your posts and actually motivated my latest post: Why Steemit will disrup social media and gain market share .
Very good read indeed and looking forward to reading more..keep steeming
I am impressed by your writing style, respect!
well, this was written when I was 22 years old. It's 25 later......I hope I have improved......
I am 27, maybe I just feel connected to your style when you were around my age ahaha. anyways, thanks for sharing
I read the second post you made regarding this story. It is great to hear about your travels and your introduction to new cultures. I lived in Toronto for a few years which was rich in cultural diversity! In Utah I have meditated in the buddhist temple and that was a very peaceful experience! Thanks for sharing your experiences!
Do you have a lot of vivid dreams? I have narcolepsy and so drop into REM sleep all the time at the drop of a hat. It does make life feel like an elaborate movie set sometimes.
Points for The Magus reference!