My son Eli has had quite a holiday so far this year. After a tough 2nd year in primary school he couldn't wait to spend all day with his playmate and neighbour, Alvin. Last Saturday, to mark the beginning of the holiday season, I watched him hurriedly lace his little kicks and wave me goodbye as he sped off to play, only to return a few minutes later gloomy.. “Alvin's mum said he can't come out to play” he said, “Why, is he unwell?” I asked, “Don't know!” Eli gestured as he headed to watch TV. I went on with my chores and at around lunch time, I was washing the dishes in the kitchen when I saw Alvin grab his bike and head towards the court parking, I smiled and called Eli to the kitchen, “ndiye yule Alvin, go!” he tip toed, peeped through the kitchen window and smiled as he clumsily put on his shoes and ran out..
Then something weird happened, as I watched Eli and Alvin meet, they exchanged a few words and Eli headed back to the house, gloomier than he was the last time. He came straight to me and asked,
“why won't Alvin's mother let me play with him?”. Puzzled, I asked him why he asked that, “because Alvin told me that his mum said he shouldn't play with me” he said, resisting the urge to break into tears.
You see, we live in a community where Alvin is the closest neighbour who is around Eli's age, and over the years they have established a rapport and become good friends and playmates. Although they don't go to the same school, every chance they get to play during the weekdays and weekends, they do it together.
Alvin's mother and I are good neigbours, never had any issues, even about the parking space. We once had a chat about how disciplined our boys are and exchanged a few pleasantries. Since August we haven't met and on this particular day I decided to go and hear what the problem could be. So I knock on Alvin's door and the house helps opens, I ask her politely if I could talk to Mama Alvin. I could hear her say “hi yule mama [then my tribe] jirani” then it hit me, shoot! election season! tribal hostilities!, I had totally forgot that the elections in Kenya sometimes elicit negative tribalism. Mama Alvin pops at the door, I smile “Sasa mama Alvin”, she's not smiling, she seems in a hurry to get back to the house and I'm obviously interrupting her and I get straight to the point “Eli told me you won't let Alvin play with him, is there a problem? Perhaps something I should know about Eli's behaviour?”, she quickly frowns, “Alvin ni mtoto wangu and I choose who he plays or should not play with, so please give me a break!! [something in vernacular]” and then she slams the door on me.
I get back to the house, find Eli watching Tv, seat beside him and explain to him that we will have to respect the wishes of Alvin's mother. The “but why?” from Eli follows instantly, to which I firmly respond to “Because Alvin's mother said so!!”
It pains me that mama Alvin can't see past our tribal differences for the sake of our boys. It worries me further that we are unknowingly planting the seed of hate in our children at such a young age. What should I tell Eli?
Should I explain to him that the election season and his tribe difference with Alvin are the issue? What will he think and feel when finally realizes the reason why Alvin couldn't come out to play with him?
Let us rise above tribalism and remember that your neighbour remains your neighbour!
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