"KILL THE PAD" Challenge Week #1 Submission!
Ok so I decided to dig into the dark suppressed part of my mind since I have been that kid who got their ass kicked for years.
I grew up having to constantly watch my back, I wasn't from a wealthy family by any means so not very often did a day go by that i didn't get jumped or terrorized by someone so i was pretty much trapped in my house all the time.
When it got to the degree that it started causing extreme anxiety, self hatred, really bad anger issues and disregard for human life my mind was very similar to the lyrics i have written.
Enjoy
Topic: Bullying
Every time my alarm sounds i swear there's enemies at my door
I wake up in confusion like i've been drafted to go to war
But as i peer across the room i see my ripped jeans on the floor
And a worn out second hand shirt hanging off the dresser drawer
Neither of them are clean still covered in blood from days before
The last time that they beat me was in the ally behind the store
I'm now at the end of my rope and just cant take it anymore
So listen to the words from a kid with nothing left to fight for
To me going to school is like being dropped in a fucking war zone
Every corner i take might end up hitting me like a cyclone
Having to stay alert its not even safe to put on my headphones
Cuz i'm surrounded by malevolent tyrants under the control of unbalanced hormones
Trapped in a building seen by most as a place of recreation
Dark secrets lie in the halls of where i go for education
Because every time i stood up to defend my emancipation
It would start an altercation ending in facial dis figuration
Now the mental devastation has lead to psychosomatic issues
Putting me on a path that tends to leave families in tissues
Running the halls a monster with fully auto capabilities
And i'm not gonna stop until the cops start fucking killing me!
Upvote-Comment-Follow-Resteem
@deadeversince
The structure of this is nice. Obvious bar lengths, broken into four bar segments. Only one over extended bar really caught my eye:
Cuz i'm surrounded by malevolent tyrants under the control of unbalanced hormones
Generally I believe it's best to try to have a range of syllables, if not exact amounts, for each bar. Obviously not all the time, but generally that tends to happen anyway. It stops overextending a bar, which could mess up the whole flow.
Content is DOPE. Imagery is on point. The thing I love about writing rap, is there is not other art for that allows you to get so much emotion out in such a short period of time, AND deliver a stunning message. I really dig the content in this and can't wait to read more.
The scheme is cool. You definitely understand end rhymes and slant rhymes. I can tell that this was actually thought through as a rap. I do wish I saw bit more of some multi-syllable schemes in there like this one
Because every time i stood up to defend my emancipation
It would start an altercation ending in facial dis figuration
Even just a few of those multiple rhymes per bar can take an OK verse to a GREAT verse.
This was completely on topic and loved it. Very very nice my man!
Thank you for participating!
Awesome feedback thank you, i will keep all of that in mind for the next round!!! im very excited for what the future holds with this contest and will for sure be continuing to compete!!
I am in no way a writer but i kinda thought of a diffrent ending. ..............
Running the halls a monster with fully auto capabilities
Swiftly putting an end to these monster's possibilities
The screams are silenced by a pop, pop, pop
And im not going to stop till it's suicide by cop.
hahaha nice!! ya that works super well!
Good job! What doesn't kill us, gives us a dark sense of humor, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. :D
hahaha exactly! Thanks for taking a look!
Damn, deadly lyrics.
Thanks man!
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I recently quit my job in a school and this brings me right back to that hellish place, good job capturing it , ugh sorry you went through that though :(. Schools suck. I hope things are better now.
thank you :) things are way better, its been a long time since that stuff but its something you never forget. Just happy i could put it into words so people could see into that side of it.
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STOPMan thats a really powerful rap you made. All the power to you!
Thanks man appreciate it :)