I often feel similar to you, knowing that I can have positive affects on so many people. And then also feeling responsible for all the people that I don't reach, but could if I just put out a little more effort. Yet therein lies the problem, as this road leads down making myself God, as if all the world depended on me.
I'm actually one that feels very responsible for how others are affected by me, to the point of neurosis. And I can see myself without compassion, as if I should be able to do anything and everything.
I think you're right on with the conclusion you came to in your last paragraph:
Sometimes we can't know. Only do to the best of our ability for the time being, further cultivating and exercising the discernment and wisdom to respond as most appropriate to best serve each individual's needs in the moment as they are presented to us.
Isn't that all we can do? Give it our best and learn from both our successes and failures? It's fun to learn from your success, but I think we learn even more from our failure.
I admire how much you care for others, the way you can empathize with people in need. This is a strength, but also know you are finite and can only give so much.
I'll leave you with the first two Steps from Alcoholics Anonymous, as even though you aren't an alcoholic, the principles are powerful and applicable here:
- We admitted that we were powerless - that our lives had become unmanageable.
- We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Well-stated. Accurate reflections...