For the sake of semantics, lets define what I mean when I speak of "failure" right now in reference to common definitions.
Failure : 1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success:
His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected:
a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency:
4. deterioration or decay, especially of vigor, strength, etc.:
5. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.
6. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt:
7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful
These are some common definitions I pulled off of dictionary. com.
I'm not sure about you, but I've heard failure used quite a bit through my life. Not always directly related to me, or in an intentionally negative way perhaps. Mostly in grade school is when i heard the term introduced, and through cartoons as a child.
The way that people use this word is awfully interesting to me and has become more so as I've grown into adulthood. I've heard failure be used when you come into an obstacle and don't surpass said obstacle at that moment in time. Usually upon a trial of one or a few instances. To me, failure assumes defeat. That is where I believe some of us have misconceptions about the application of this term, and use it in general terms rather than specific.
Growing up and over time I've heard things in passing similar to- ( usually in reference to not being great at something immediately. )"Well, that just might not be your thing. You'll discover what you're great at. Don't worry" An awfully sweet sounding thought to begin with, seeming to instill hope, maybe eradicate the pain of defeat or feeling like a failure. I doubt words like this are said with bad intentions. But there is an underlying concept that I do not believe to be very constructive, and I am here to challenge that idea with what I have learned.
In the first definition, we see it to be defined as a lack of success. in another we see if being related to insufficiency
"lack" : -deficiency or absence of something needed, desirable, or customary:
-something missing or needed:
"success" : -the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.
-the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.
-a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors:
-a person or thing that has had success, as measured by attainment of goals, wealth, etc.:
now here we do not see success to be determined by a time limit. Growing up in the technological age some of us have an unhealthy obsession with instant gratification through the way our society is designed.
I have let these interpretations of failure to be related to something I "may not be good at" and will "find out what I am great at someday" you know, you just gotta find that other thing that you'll be good at, right?
In my opinion, this can be considered a falsehood.
I was a TERRIBLE singer growing up. I probably still am. I thought because I failed to be great at singing instantaneously, that I was not meant to be a musician. I didn't have a "genius level" IQ, only a gifted one. So if i probably chose a field that was "hard" I would likely assume failure at some point due to these limitations, and the competition of people who would "succeed" because of their innate attributions of probable success due to a number given to us at a young age.
I was grounded a lot in high school, because I had a hard time listening to rules. I also could not ignore the joy that I got from singing, I tried stopping for a while because i'd get complaints about how horrible I sounded.. but for some reason I could not shake that passion I felt. It was so strong I decided I would NEVER stop trying until I figured out how to sound beautiful someday.
Due to being grounded all of the time I had limitations. I wanted to make music. I became really inspired by this artist named Lights. She was tiny like me, and played guitar and sung to her own playing. I'd never seen a female with such small hands play a guitar like that. I started to wonder, if she can do that, doesn't it mean that I can as well?
A seed was born. I wanted a guitar, my mum told me I needed to learn how to play a full song on my stepdads before she bought me one, because I had received a keyboard earlier but could not figure out how to teach myself and gave up. So she just wanted to ensure that wasn't going to happen again. I spent months practicing, fingers blistered hurting so bad I'd put ice cubes on them to numb them so I could stand the pain to keep practicing. Eventually I learned how to play pretty well. I'm not expert or anything... Yet.
I stuck with guitar for a while.. until I felt kind of stuck years later. I really did want to learn the piano. I was serving at a local restaurant and met this really radiant person who was around my age, a couple years older, that just so happened to be a piano teacher. I started taking lessons from her. I spent years saying "I can't play piano" but after a couple months with her, I could.
Now... It was challenging, and an investment. But I wanted it, really bad. So i pursued it with joy, and to my surprise, I was able to read sheet music and play it on a piano. I moved and didn't quite take up lessons again. I still mingled around practicing chords to play in the background while I'd play the chords on guitar and sing to them.
Here comes the pivotal moment of change.
I had just gotten out of a really shitty relationship where I allowed someone else's insecurities to become my own, stopped doing the things I loved, and had no passion or regard for the beauty in life. A lucky sequence of coincidences found me a way out of that situation, and onto a beautiful path.
I was surrounded by a beautiful group of friends, who I'd felt magnetized to before but was never allowed to hangout with them due to that relationship.. things worked out so that I could. I was told about this event called a "Psytrance Festival" having no idea what it was and just being told not to have any expectations, to just be surprised and that i'd love it.
So I went, I saw art beyond belief, I had no idea humans could have mastered such detail, originality and precision. I've never seen anything like it. I saw the most unique humans all over, doing all kinds of performances, creating beautiful installments. I saw people spinning fire for the first time.. what?! I'd never seen that before.
I was sitting at a table with this guy who made these really crazy glass orbs with incredible symmetrical designs and impeccable illusions his work is called Data Glass. I was in awe of my surroundings. So much creativity reaching it's potential. How did I not know of these possibilities? I was like a child, in a heaven of infinite possibilities. I looked over at him, while watching the fire spinners, and in reference to them I said
"I wish I could do that."
and he responded to me.. "Well you can."
and I said "No, there's no way I could do that." (assuming my first "failure" would mean defeat)
he then said to me "Do you not think they haven't dropped that stick multiple times, hit themselves in the head, gotten bruises?"
at that moment it clicked.. a perspective I've never heard before.
and i realized and responded "Oh, So it's just how badly I want it...?"
the seed had been watered.
At that moment my life changed. Starting in little steps. I started picking up painting again. I was never super great but mediocre. I had this unhealthy obsession with wanting to create a masterpiece in one sitting, and because i couldn't I assumed I was a failure of a painter. With this new found perspective though, I started to train myself out of it. I made myself shatter the unhealthy expectations of instant gratification, and split a painting up into two days. And it was the best painting I had made up to date.
Below is a painting first of instant gratification, then after the first painting I took 2 days on, and then after a painting I spent 7 months on, and a couple of the paintings I made after that.
Now, this isn't just about me becoming a slightly better painter. It's way bigger than that. I had learned through reprogramming the way I think, to see the reward and results in patience, re-attempts and seen the fruition of these new processes.
I got a weighted key piano and decided to start re-teaching myself a bit, Learning more on guitar, pursuing singing again, I even picked up a levitation wand and played with fire for the first time.
I moved out of a small town, to a big city, with a goal to move to Austin. I set a time limit for myself and achieved it. Me and the love of my life ended up in Austin TX together, we learned how to drive boats and get to work outside in nature, I continued painting and playing music. I even started taking violin lessons. Which in turn cracked music theory for me and sitting in front of the piano one day, I had learned the correlation between finding any note on any instrument.. and was able to translate songs from guitar I didn't know the names of chords to or what notes they were, to piano by learning the linear correlations between Abc's and music theory. Just connecting all of the information. I then taught myself how to translate that to violin and saw the correlating patterns between all of them. Something I never thought I'd be capable of
I got my first dragon staff this christmas, and was determined. With hindsight, I've learned to love short-term "failures" because I've discovered that what we often ascribe to the definition of failure is really an indication of something different, giving up.
You see, you don't fail at something unless you've decided to stop pursuit.
I hit myself in the head, i've hit myself in the eye, I have at least a couple bruises a week, I drop my staff and fuck up mid performance CONSTANTLY. But i let that exhilarate me. Because I know just how bad I want it. Which then changes another perspective for me. These little "failures" with a constant pursuit, are actually a way of learning "well that didn't work" , a way not to do it. I've also become re intrigued in mathematics and well, learning in general. I've become quite obsessed with learning as much as I can about anything that intrigues me. A short term failure still results in a lesson which is a gain of knowledge, you learn not to do it that way, and try something different. I started researching what makes successful people successful. The common theme, is not giving up. Which just means that they have failed more times than you.
So if we take an abstract viewing of this process, and turn it into an equation..
One could say that
->
+knowledge/information
=
+1 data/information.
or
+1 exp. (experience)
if we result in an addition, of something. whatever it may be. This case, information(ex. learning experience). How can you be failing if you are adding/gaining? You walk away with something. There is no insufficiency or lacking if you take this point of view.
I've also started teaching myself computer programming, although i was always told it was "hard" and let other peoples fear of failure because a lack of interest in determination of persistence to seed a fear that I was incapable. I've since found it to be very artistic and satisfactory to learn. I learned how to build a mining rig and taught myself about cryptocurrencies and so far to my knowledge, I've been completely able to do anything that I want to do, all that matters is how badly I want to do it, how many times I'm willing to "fail" to get better. It's basic probability. The more times you do something the higher probability chance of you getting that sustained success you seek.
I just hope to put this out there for anyone who may not be pursuing something they wished they were in fear of being a failure at it. You determine when you are a failure, in the moment you choose to give up. You are the only one standing in your way of success.
If someone would have told me this long before I was 19, I would have been WAY ahead of the game, I suppose 19 isn't too late. But could you imagine how stellar you would be if from childhood you knew that your only limitations are you?
But don't take my word for it, try it out and calculate your results.
I was a c- student in high school due to laziness. I now drive boats and have many pursuits of varying classes of interest and often hear "well you just do everything don't you?" as if it comes to surprise, like I have some sort of innate talent or ability.
I don't. I'm still that kid who struck wretched notes with my voice, thought i'd never be able to do the one thing I loved most. Now I do many things that I love.
The only things I require to obtain the results of these pursuits, is the inspiration and passion to continue with persistence.
<3 I hope this inspires somebody to maybe pick up that thing you thought you couldn't be good at because you weren't the first or second time. And keep trying.
Babe Ruth was inducted into the Hall of Fame for having some of the most incredible home run statistics:
"Ruth retired in 1935, after a partial season with the Boston Braves, ending his 22-year big league career with 714 home runs, including his remarkable 60 in 1927. His lifetime statistics also include 2,873 hits, 506 doubles, 2,174 runs, 2,213 RBI, a .342 batting average, a .474 on-base percentage, and a .690 slugging percentage.
“It wasn’t that he hit more home runs than anybody else,” said 1976 Spink Award winner Red Smith, “he hit them better, higher, farther, with more theatrical timing and a more flamboyant flourish.”
Do you know what else he was also known for as a while?
For many years, Babe Ruth was known as the King of Strikeouts. He was known for his all or nothing batting style. He led the American League in strikeouts five times, and accumulated 1,330 of them in his career. In 2012, 136 players struck out 94 or more times." baseballhall.org for statistics.
-Adge.
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I love all of your beautiful lessons!
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