Unfinished painting representing my worst year 2016
I know I will never finish or sell it...
hi guys, today is confessions day for me :P
I've told you before that my life has changed completely since I discovered steemit. before steemit I was painting all day at my easel, frustrated that in order to be successful as an artist I had to first be successful at the business side that comes with being an independent artist.
why frustrated?
I had various reasons to be frustrated first I have some psychological and emotional boundaries about money,
because I saw people change for the worst when their financial status has changed,
because people confuse values with numbers and I feel insulted when I have to put a price on my art,
because since I decided that my career would be a creative one, my parents have tried to encourage me to do something else and keep art as a hobby. I found this again insulting but mostly painful, dough I knew that they meant the best for me and just feared I will never be financially stable.
so I had two options:
To continue doing what made me happy but accumulate guilt, knowing that my parents will never see me succeed and knowing the massive expectations everyone had for me since I was a child.
Or to do something else, go insane and pretend in front of my loved ones that I am happy.
I tried both, I became a pro at pretending that I am happy, I watched myself degrading every day for long periods, every time I tried to stop doing art this has happened to me, and every time I was doing art I felt guilty ...
I was in this vicious circle and my worse nightmare was my life in both situations, I was cursed to remain mediocre no matter what I choose to do.
This being my worse nightmare,( remain mediocre) may sound pretentious, but is not, I showed outstanding potential from a very early age, until college I was the best in everything I put my mind into.(except sports:P)
I never want money, I don't know much about crypto, and my goal is not to have lots of money and I know this will never change.
I accidentally found steemit, before that I have heard about bitcoin and blockchain but there were foreign concepts to me.
So I signed in to steemit with no expectations, I just wanted to showcase my art, maybe someone will finally buy it, without me having to sell it to them :P (really bad at that, I under sell most of the time)
MY LIFE CHANGED SINCE STEEMIT!
After years of self pity and self hate, I started receiving encouraging feedback from the art community on steemit, I still was skeptic because I was so used in putting myself down, but this continued gradually until the response I started to get was unbelievably positive, there are comments that really make me cry.
I still don't know if the people that have helped me here realize what they gave me, or better said what they gave me back.
I remembered who I am and that is priceless (this word,priceless, I love, even if it contains price in it)
Any way my biggest goal at this point is to give back as much as I can, and to make up for my ugly years (10), to make myself worthy of my potential again, and to save others that may be in the situation I've been trapped by for so long.
Please!!! If you are an artist not doing art, trapped in a financially secure job, but unhappy, stop that!!!
Come to steemit, work at it like it's your job, doing your beautiful art and just shearing it with people and in a few months you will be fine.
This is so touching... I think it is not only limited to your field alone,if you ask millions of people out their,most of them will tell you they are not doing what they want to do. People no longer follow their passion,they follow money instead of passion.
I am happy because you grow this far doing what you love doing,i wish i had the opportunity and the support of my parents back then in primary school,i would have done something different too. I have to learn,unlearn and relearn most things i am doing as an adult because my childhood life wasn't complete. I was not given the chance to do what i wanted to do.
Thank you for always open and freely communicate your mind to us,i know their is a great alex behind the one we have on steemit.
Thanks as always,@ghulammuntaba told me what you did,i am not ungrateful
ohh my dear I feel guilty and ashamed I don't always have time to read your posts, (and not only yours, there are so many stemians that I would love to read daily) and because of that, I try my best to help in other ways, and I promise there will be many opportunities for you too, I will put you in contact with some people that can teach you different things for free, and I hope to find a way to help you constantly.
I can understand very well dear,you don't need to feel ashamed at all,it is not easy being you,i do wonder how you always find time to do those things you do despite your busy schedule....
Thanks for always been there for me,i appreciate you a lot.
I would be looking forward to learn from you and those people you talked about.
God bless you richly dear @alexandravart
@alexandravart I am so glad that you and me have some links to this beautiful course of life "ART", and let me tell you that this post has changed my perception regarding getting response or good feedback on my hard work same like you , I am new but its hard to see how hurtful it is if you are working but not getting a good response or appreciation , For an artist society matters !! cause an artist is sensitive to its surrounding's and an word of love and appreciation is all they need for survival in an world of art , same after joining in steemit I am planning so much to show my interests in field of #love in field of #colors in field "ART" I short .... @artists like you are the inspiration for us... and platform like @steamit is a reward for us ... #motivating #beautifully-jotted-down #post @alexandravert , #THANK YOU SO MUCH , you have motivated and inspired me a lot , LOADS OF THANKS !!
you know what was my first brake trough on steemit? giving my art for free in digital format, this attracted some attention, than I started participating in all the contests I could find , and got way more attention and than slothicorn (the best art community) and after I created my own community project @ccommons.art it's all about sharing art for free with creative commons license
and at first the response is scares but if you engage in communities you will find a lot of sport
OMG im proud of you, i love it that pic. You went through a bad time, I hope to see the new you in a next drawing!
I don't do actual self portraits this was one of the few attempts, but I am in all my art :)
I was just coming back to read a reply you left me and then I saw this! Well...this portrait is showing the depth of your soul...my God woman..your imagination
Is definitely your first palate..acrylic as the medium..oil or both?
Excellent and inspiring.
Kfx
this one is watercolor and gouache, and the one in the post is acrylic underpainting and some pastel sketch
thank you for appreciating my work, and I am more confident to illustrate my imagination thanks to feedback like this
P.S I don't know what was your thoughts behind that octopus holding your hands but I think its the limitations and the restrictions and the chaos of oneself hindering in a way of moving forward !!! that's what I get from that painting. That painting has a lot to say and has to a lot to imprint #loved it #keep sharing more !! :)
it was worse than that ... I felt incapable to save my dearest
the octopus is cancer
its good to hear your thoughts about that ... keep posting more of your work , looking forward towards it @alexndravart good job .
This is an emotional story you shared there. Nobody knows when someone else is hurting or better still, they know but never see how deep it runs. We can be seated to a broken person and wouldn't know it. I am happy you have gotten your voice and can have things to show for it. Faith in your ability and perseverance got you here. What a journey. If it was easy, there would be no @alexandravart. Thank you for showing us your story to strike self belief. Glad you found Steemit and i am glad i met you. Thank you for being @alexandravart. Your story inspires.
I was never poor , never rich but decent and my parents have supported me and still do, I had education witch is a privilege, but happiness is something else, and pain doesn't pick sides, and I am very emotional and sensitive, so I been up an down, saw the bottom, but the sky(top) is so far away and I am happy for that- room to grow
I totally understand you my dear @alexandravart. I love your choice of words there: happiness is something and pain doesn't take sides either. I am glad you are finding happiness with your arts now and on steemit. I can see the impacts you are making already. I am proud of you and i know your parents would be immensely proud right now too. Your success story is commendable and that is what makes it sweeter and better. You have been through a lot and i am happy you came out stronger.
What you just stated are many others sentiments, I for one have not worked in a dead in job for years, but have been shamed for making choices that were mine, the challenge is sometimes long, as is mine but the taste of expressive freedom is too delicious to be denied.
You have written a master work of your own biographical sketch of yourself brilliantly and profoundly self honest, if you could express this in paint...I bet it will soak in the light and reflect it perfectly.
Inspiring post indeed
K
freedom is priceless and if you have it you are rich indeed, I work 12 h a day, but with steemit I could work 1 hour a day and have the same rewards, but I choose to work 12 hours, I love it and it is very fulfilling
Hey Alexandra, thanks for sharing the ebbs & flows of being an artist within a capitalistic reality. The unfinished paint is deep and evocative like an endless emotional tension.
yes the painting was my last drop that filled the cup, it is my most authentic painting, and it represents my biggest pain not really related to my unsuccessful career but family and lost and unkept promises.
will have to paint one about surviving "capitalistic reality" but it will be angry but not defeated, in this one I was more than defeated ...
you are most wonderful painter, friend. keep it up. i read your whole post.....best of luck!!
thank you :)
Wonderful way to step back into your truth as an artist and break out of those flat expectations / slavery even the world will have us live. This piece by Marianne Williamson- pulled from her book A Return to Love, was a part of the change for me, That and getting sober & out of a 10 year unhealthy relationship w/ self, drugs & alcohol & mean BF.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of (Goddess, God, Universe). Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of Goddess, God, Universe that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"
Thank you for shining your light and inspiring us all!
thank you for the empathy and for the great book reference, I will read it :)
it was not an easy post to write, I was hesitant in posting it, but I think it is important that people know they can do as much good for themselves as they do bad
Yes! you are right. It's hard to be vulnerable but important in keeping it REAL so we can grow. The painting is amazing even in progress!
thank you again and hope we all grow together
Nice painting
Beautiful work.
Resteemed!
thank you
The arts are really cool!
Thank you for contributing to the Steemit Community.Keep up the great work and I'm looking forward to your next posts.
thank you
well can i get an upvote?
you are not really looking forward to my next posts"The arts are really cool!" it is so apparent that you haven't read the post content and just came here for an upvote.
I never flag people but because this post was so emotional for me I flagged someone that did exactly what you are doing here.
look at the other comments that I had upvoted! and understand why I will never upvote a comment like yours
i am sorry.. i will never do the same thing again😞
Nice art 😍
thank you :P
Welcome, the best art broo
Resteem and upvotes me😇
I am really proud of you, being honest like this. Your struggles are very similar to mine, but your'e more talented at art than me.....
I am so happy we found each other.
Do art....
Yes there are similarities and differences , I am so grateful I had the chance to meet you too, and I hope that you see in this post that you did not just gave me money, you gave me back myself, and a purpose
wow, thanks for letting me know. Sometimes, I have very little idea of what I am doing, i just know I cannot let people slip through the cracks. we have to become aware.....even sometimes i slip back into complacency.
don't worry I am not slipping anywhere, I have a problem by needing reassurance and feedback, because for so long I was displeased with my self and I always fear not to do the best I can, and I get paranoid too :)) so the opposite of complacency maybe
your work is a joy to behold!!!... sorry about that ordeals.... Majority of people get influenced why the thing they have accumulated....
To be influenced by what you accumulate is natural, but to be in terms of skills, experience, knowledge, not numbers, and put all that to create more value and help others too
From your uncompleted work, it is evident that there are perceived limitations or barriers holding you down. But it is unknown to you then that there are no limitations anywhere, they only exist in our mind. I am so glad that you have bee able to overcome those ugly chapters of your life and those moments have made you a better person now.
at one point I wrote down all my losses and failures and some of them were tragic, but after this list I wrote what I have gained, and there were always bigger gains
thank you for coming to my blog :)
your art captures a piece of you, I think, whether portrait or otherwise. Here you can see the hardship, the unhappiness, but also the beauty.
I'm so glad that you, @alexandravart, saw the beauty and pursued that which shows through in all you do, happiness and lights in the world.
and I know that a good reason why so many have connected with you and your art here is that it is indicative of a path forward into happiness, just as you have found.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing your beautiful art with us, and inspiring us all to pursue our dreams, better lives and better versions of ourselves.
All the best to you in all you do, Alex. thank you.
thank you for coming to my blog, I am humbled by your words, you express beautifully, and yes I hope more people realize that following dreams leads to real happiness no matter where life takes you.
I totally understand you and I'm happy you feed your true Self and let it fully manifests. :)
Psychotherapist| Painter if not you who else would understand :) maybe you can treat me via steemit :P
<3 :-)
that emoji looks like a slothicorn :) just saw you posted unfinished paintings too, none look unfinished compared to mine :P
Beautiful art...
Thank for sharing...
Please upvote my post friend...