No need for clarification, I have followed you long enough to know where your heart is. And the statement is true, technically. I do read a lot, but even that I do in the line of research in an attempt to write a post. The one about going out is 100% accurate though.
Like, I do appreciate the beauty in a movie, TV show, a book, even analyzing a football match. But, and this is the part where your post hit resonated with me, it later becomes a part of this content creation process. Like, there isn't something about me that's mine at the moment. All my thoughts are monetized and subject to criticism/praise lol!
I remember the times where I was actually living. But those memories do feel like they happened in an alternative. And somehow my conclusion that is implanted in me is that I will find peace once I leave Iraq and somehow manage to be more alone.
I was diagnosed with mild dissociative disorder, let's hope that's the cause hahaha!
And with all things aside, thank you for this piece. It did give me a lot to think about.
We all become products of our environment, man. Nobody is immune. I know exactly what you mean by your thoughts not being your own. When I'm in this mode, creating, whatever, the only thing I put in my head is music. I shut the rest of the world off. If I'm working on art I don't look at other art. Don't want to be influenced. Then when things get too hectic, that's when I vanish from here. I'll be gone for months at a time. This last time I even disconnected from the internet. All I was left with were my days and thoughts living out in the middle of nowhere, alone. Said in my previous post I got learn who I am all over again and become friends with that being. I see a lot of people on this planet when I come online simple products of what they consume. You are what you eat.