I would like to introduce Steemit to the strongest, most loving woman I know - my mother. She grew up in Communist China in a culture that did not value females, and wrote about her experience being born the third daughter of her parents. My mom, Xiaoqing Cai, has various stories from her childhood that are foreign to many Westerners. She grew up in the 60’s and her father was a middle-ranking Communist Party members. Yet, like most of China, they lived in poverty and intense government control. Here is the story she shared with me about her name:
For some reason, I refused to be born into this world until three weeks after the due date. If I had known that my very birth would be a disappointment to my father and an embarrassment to my mother, I would have stayed longer in my mother’s womb.
I was actually a beautiful baby with a pair of big, inquisitive eyes. My only misfortune was that I was a baby girl instead of a baby boy. Having had two daughters already, my parents, especially my father, wanted a son desperately. So, when he learned that he had another daughter, he was disappointed and felt he was in bad luck. My mother, on the other hand, suffered from physical, psychological and emotional pain because of my birth - for it was believed in China that it was a woman’s fault and incompetence if she couldn’t give birth to boys. My mother felt ashamed and embarrassed, and she became moody and sensitive to what my father said and did. Although I believe my father never said anything directly to blame my mother, yet anytime he said or did anything which showed his inconsideration to my mother’s feelings, she would blow up or cry bitterly.
My parents are not a very understanding or loving couple. That they married was not because they truly understood or loved each other, although they thought they did when they married. Not long after their marriage, they started fighting and arguing constantly about almost everything, important or trivial. I had always wondered what brought them together until one day my mother told me that she was very disappointed with her marriage, and that she had married my father because he was an intelligent young man with ambition and a promising future. My father never told me why he married my mother. But I guess the reason was that my mother was very pretty and naive at that time. It seems to me that they have nothing in common except their children. My birth did not help bring them closer. Instead, what happened soon after I was born worsened their relationship and left both of them with permanent scars.
One day, after my parents finished one of many quarrels, my mother cried as she told me what happened when I was born: My mother stayed in the hospital for four days. On the third day, she asked my father to dry her overcoat on a stove because she had poured some water on the sleeve, but my father told her to wait because he had a movie ticket, and he had to go soon. She felt so hurt and angry that she threw the overcoat right in his face in front of several other patients.
My father gave me a name the first week after I was born - Xiao Qing, meaning “Small Celebration”. Later when I was about six, I remember he told me half-jokingly one day that if I were a boy, my name would have been Da Qing, meaning “Big Celebration”. At hearing this, I felt more regretful than hurt. I was sorry for both my father and myself. I wished I were a boy so my father would be happier and I would be loved more by him.
好故事，给你点赞了。
我的妈妈说谢谢你!
Fascinating story Anwen. The extreme favoritism that the older generation of Chinese had for boys can be seen through stories such as these. While I can't say that I truly understand that line of thinking, I myself am mixed race and thus part Chinese. I know that my Grandmother was elated when I was born. Regardless, this is a nice story that brings color to some aspects of the past that many people might not be aware of.
All Steemit users should feel free to share their stories of the past, whatever that means
Cheers
I am glad that you liked it! That is interesting that you have seen this favoritism first hand as well. Sadly even this generation still favors boys... My mom is an adoption facilitator for China and we have been to many orphanages and it is almost 90% girls because families will abandon their daughters in the hopes of having a son in the future.
Thank you for sharing, I must ask though - it felt like the story was cut off abruptly, I was wondering if this was intentional or..
Thanks for asking! My mom is writing a collection of short stories from her childhood in China. This is the first and will continue, so maybe that is why it felt cut off :-)
wow really interesting write up anwen. Are you close to your parents now? I have a lot of asian friends with similar stories and as soon as they leave the home they hardly ever talk to their parents because of how cold they were treated as children.
Thanks! It was my mom's write up :-) She is close to her mom now. Her dad passed away a few years ago but she was close to him as well. My grandparents did love my mom, but had a traditional Chinese mindset when it came to gender favoritism. Also they lived during WWII, the Second Sino-Japanese War, the Communist Revolution, and the Cultural Revolution, so my mom really empathizes with them on why they may have been distant or cold.
Welcome to SteemIT! Thanks for sharing
Xiao, you have an astonishing story!
Thank you for sharing!
My mom says thank you so much!
damn i love pictures like this. gives you a window view of the not-so-long-ago past. really interesting stuff
Thanks! I'm glad you like the photos..I know its crazy how not-so-long-ago these were taken!
A touching tribute to your parents, who lived through harsh times.
It's wonderful how you have got the most out of your life, thanks to them. :)
I agree it was very well told and a touching story. Thank you for sharing!
Your mother is beautiful as is your grandmother. I love these photos so much of your family and to get a taste of life during that time period in China. Don't be fooled, you are an amazing woman and are a big celebration even if you aren't a boy!!
My mom says thank you for the kind words!
Great story. tyvm
My mom says thanks!
Meaningful story. I am waiting to hear the second part of the story. 加油!
Those were the days. I am glad that sons first mentality is so over in China. I wish your mum well too!
Wow thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate it.
I will definitely check out your blog and answer some questions :-)