Financially and emotionally, the struggles of the single mother are real.
Single moms have a big job. We are coach, maid, cook, chauffeur, teacher, judge and jailer, manager and nurse- and that's just at home- many struggle and juggle more than one job outside the home. Many have ex husbands who have left the country or are otherwise in hiding in order to avoid paying child support. For those of us, I can attest- it is damn near impossible. Every day is a struggle.
Only one in 3 single mothers receive child support. The average is $430 per month.
In 2016, 35.6% of single mother households were living below the poverty line, 27.5% were poor, and 31.6% were food insecure.
Two thirds of American single mothers spend over half their income on housing, which is considered the threshold for “severe housing cost burden,” and as such are extremely vulnerable to homelessness.
27.5% were unemployed at least part of the year due to illness related child care problems. When her children are healthy and at daycare, a single mother earns 79¢ to a mans or married mothers dollar for the same job due to employers knowing she probably won't be hired for long as children in school get sick quite easily. Sick children are not allowed at daycare facilities so the mother cannot work. The median income for a single mom vs a married one is $35,400 to $85,300.
69% of single mother households receive food stamps and TANF government assistance. But even then the (average) amount $720 is far less than the minimum needed to stave off hardships like hunger, homelessness, and utility cut-offs. And if you earn any money from a job, these benefits are decreased.
The system is not set up for success.
With single moms spending over half of their income on housing expenses and a third on child care, they have little to spend on education. Only 36% of their children graduate with a college degree and 16% do not complete high school.
Money doesn’t but happiness, but it does provide security and comfort.
Before I took my children and left an abuser who never should have had the honor of being called “dad”, my boys wore shoes that fit and clothes without holes. They could try out for all the sports they wanted each semester, knowing if they didn't make the team it was due to skill, not the fact we couldn't afford the fees and gear.
Single mothers struggle something fierce in every area of their lives. Each day must be carefully planned ahead of time, and any incidental is a minor tragedy because there is only one of you. A child misses the bus or is sent home by the school nurse? You lose money and possibly your job by leaving work early. You need to be at one childs dentist appointment at the same time as another's soccer tournament? You guilt is heavy but there is a lot of going without.
And don't ever get sick. Absolutely forbid your children from bringing the cold virus into your home! There is no way you can get sick. You have to work, do the chores, and be both mom and dad. Ain't nobody got time for a cold!
I am trying to grow good, strong men. It is a difficult job when the one they were supposed to emulate takes off to begin a new family.
Being a single mother can be socially isolating. When you are trapped underneath a small country of responsibility it is almost impossible to find time for yourself, much less investing in friendships or searching for a companion in life. Add in the cost and difficulty of hiring a trustworthy sitter to get out of the house for some adult interaction and you have yet another stressor in your already volatile reality.
My boys are big fans of Mother's day. They go all out- breakfast in bed, flowers, and I am not allowed to do any chores. Last year, my boys surprised me with breakfast in bed on Father's day.
This was one of the best days of my life.
Sources and images:
Pixabay.com
USA Today
Creative Commons
Single Mother Stats
Huffington Post
Whisper
My own years of single mothering
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With Love and Light and Good Mojo to my Tribe!
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Please reply to this comment if you accept or decline.
Oh yay, how awesome! Thank you :)
Ah, yes- I happily accept <3
Ah, yes- I happily accept <3
It is a brutally honest reality you share with us here - it is a courageous life you are choosing to live each day.
My thanks to you for not blaming all men for the poor example you had to endure. Some of us are working to be better for the priceless princesses out there.
May you, dear friend, continue the beautiful work of motherhood despite your obstacles. Bless you.
Much appreciation for you my dear friend. Indeed, there are a great many men who do the right thing. Who stay to see it through. To care for the family they created. Those ones are worthy of being called a man. They are worthy of the title of Dad and Daddy.
Thank you <3
In today's world the core family is usually mom and dad with kids, especially in individualistic cultures such as US (by my knowledge one of the most individualistic out there). When there's no big family (relatives and such who live under the same roof) backing you up we expect the society or government to take care of us and our family for the things we can't. And they should but sadly, sometimes they don't.
Luckily here in Finland we generally have good social services like in Denmark, as @denmarkguy said, (and in other Northern Europian countries in general). And the education is free all the way up to University! At least in Finland, that is. (Well, books have to be paid by yourself but that's small compared to the cost of education otherwise.)
I don't know how you're doing the job of several people but HOLD ON!
And like @zord189 said, (but with a little correction):
There is a general attitude in America about not expecting help from the government. About doing it all on your own.
I used to share these sentiments.
But, as I immersed myself more and more into this thing we call life I realize these Americans are wrong.
Many will disagree with me, but I am not here to speak for all. I can only speak for those families who are struggling- through no fault of their own.
I don't understand how one can leave their family. I just cannot comprehend such a thing. However, it was done to us. And I tried and tried to do it the "American" way, all on my own.
It's stupid. It is not a good attitude to have. "It takes a village to raise a child" ~ this is not a joke!
Now, I do not get very much assistance from the government at all. A bit of food is all I qualify for. Sure, it helps a little, but you are only as strong as your weakest link. I believe this goes for a government as well.
They should be there when bad things happen to their people. I am there to pay my taxes each year which pays their paychecks! Why am I struggling so hard, and going without basic needs, yet I am forced to give them a great amount from my paycheck each month?
It's a flawed system. One that once you go through hard times you find is almost disastrously to the breaking point.
When you have 800 registered schoolchildren in a county of 269,000 who are homeless and living in tents on the sidewalk, with another several hundred of us dangerously close to becoming their neighbors- something needs to be fixed.
Now.
The US system is truly flawed .
The next time anyone says that you do not deserve any support from the government, that your success and even your survival depends only on your efforts, remind them that numerous wealthy bankers would have lost most of their wealth after they failed at their "finance games" leading up to the 2008 crash. And they would not have survived on their own. Their banks and businesses survived only because they were bailed out with taxpayers' money.
In the flawed, crony capitalist system, you have "socialism" for the rich, and nothing for anyone else. The system cannot continue for long, and will eventually collapse. Fortunately, some of those elites who have gamed the system will collapse too. Unfortunately, many of them will be able to shelter and save their ill-gotten gains.
And even more unfortunately, the collapse will hurt many who are already struggling to get by. Hope you can survive, thrive and maybe even prosper.
Stay strong, and carry on ... Full Steem Ahead.
You point out some very valid points.
I wrote an article a few days ago about Wells Fargo bank giving $35,000 to build tiny plastic sheeting shelters for homeless veterans. Yes, it's good that they will be warm for the winter, but if this is all we can do for the men and women who rish their lives at the cost of their sanity in the form of lifelong PTSD, we have a serious problem.
I can only hope that something would wake people up to fix the problems in there. People, especially children, should be given equal chances for education and good life altogether so that they have the resources to return the favor as a productive member of society.
That is an excellent quote!
I hope so. It's getting so bad. We see it every day. So do "they", but they choose to focus on things outside the country instead of fixing what they created inside...
Thank you!
It's a tough, tough life... especially here in the US of A. My mom was a single mom, but at the time we lived in Denmark where social services and support are at a completely different level.
Thank you for your courage and hard work... and for raising what will undoubtedly be awesome boys, in spite of what is a great deal of hardship.
I have heard rumors about the stellar services in Denmark, it's good to know it is based on fact!
Thank you so much, I appreciate this <3
I have always wondered how american single mothers survive this cruel system in the USA. A nation that receives tax money should first of all protect their offspring being the leaders of the nation in the future.
Single mom here, in some European countries, have not a perfect situation but we know that our housing is secure and we have enough money for food, cloth and schooling.
It saddens me deeply to know that so much potential and talent is being wasted and mothers are pushed into such terrible circumstances. - How can it be changed?
I am afraid it will take a great effort. Even just changing the mindsets of the people is long and difficult work when you are bombarded by the media...
It is Heart-breaking to read about these sad stories. I often wonder why men marry if they know they do not want children. I can only say thank you for the wonderful husband and father my kids have had for 47 years. I really wish I could help more but my vote is not that great yet. Thank you for telling us,and maybe this is where you can talk your heart out and someone will listen.
It's a throwaway society. That is partly to blame.
Not that long ago when something broke you didn't dare throw it away! You fixed it. If you couldn't- you took it to a repair shop and paid a modest amount to have it fixed.
Now, when something is broken or the owner grows bored of it, they throw it away and get a brand new one.
Families included.
Thank you hun. You are so blessed with your wonderful man <3
Growing up, my dad always worked abroad and was rarely home. My mother raised me, and so did my grandmother, who was like a second parent to me. When my parents separated, I was 13. We stayed with our mother and she raised us basically herself.
With Frank, we try to be present for his kids, make sure both households have a good communication and that we are on the same page, mostly. It's good that he gets along with his ex. The children have a mother, a father, and two step-mothers. Frank wants to be a good male rolemodel, especially for his son and when the kids start to act up, we want to build structure to discipline them so that when they grow up, they are kind and conscientious beings.
Men who respect their mothers are men who will respect their wives. It sounds like you're doing a good job to raise those kids to be virtuous men.
It is good you can all work together like this. It is in the best interest for the children. I commend you for this.
Thank you, I am definitely trying. It's not easy, but the world will be better with these three young men in it :)
You are a superwoman. The unsung hero for your children.
Thank you my friend <3
respect
As the child of a single mom- preach it. Not many tougher jobs on the planet.
Well said
Salute to mothers like you. Maybe I don't need to be worried that much about my two daughters, we have mothers like yourself who tries hard to mold, good strong men. All despite your obstacles and unpleasant experiences.
Awe, thank you, that means a lot <3 I do raise them while keeping in mind they will be somebody's husband and sombody's father someday :)
health is the most important thing, being a single mom the responsibilities can wear you out ...emotionally and physically.
Draining for sure, in all the ways...
Another wonderful post! Love to all the single moms and dads out there! Very true words about money. Nothing like selling off your possessions to buy groceries and using rubber cement to hold your children's shoes together to make you feel low (and I'm one of the lucky ones who had her partner stick around).
The assistance programs come from good intentions but they need to be reevaluated by parties that understand the REAL cost of living.
Well done in raising fine boys @arbitrarykitten! Enjoy your days with your beautiful family!
Lol, you are lucky- all I had the other day for my son's shoe was duct tape :/ Ug
The good intentions were shadowed by the ones who came in and used the funds to pay for employees who do nothing but push papers around.
Yes, social workers have low salaries. No, they shouldn't- they should be paid for their service. However, those funds are not for you. You should have to apply just like the rest of the population...
Thank you hun <3
It's always wonderful to know one is not alone in this. I appreciate the time and energy put forth to get this content out. I'm a proud mommy of a 3yr old boy and can't tell you just how much your post have touched me this very moment. Much love.
Much respect for you hun <3 And wonderful meeting you!
That makes me feel good that my words have meaning for you <3
Las madres es lo mas bello que existimos yo soy madre soltera y tuve a mis bebes muy joven pero apesar de tan difícil sea el camino amo a mis hijos como a nada gracias a ellos en busca de mejor estoy steemit que por cierto amo esta red social también ♥♥♥ saludos desde Venezuela @arbitrarykitten
Steemit es un maravilloso lugar de apoyo para crecer y mejorar su vida y la de su familia :) ¡Maravilloso encuentro con usted! Gracias
I love this post. Some of the stats are surprising. Some just sad. Being a single parent is challenging to say the least...
I loved reading that they recognized your efforts on Father’s Day. 😍
It was such a sweet surprise! My cheeks literally hurt by the end of the day from smiling so much! lol
I love that.
Not only do single mothers have to deal with all that, there is a bias against them and they are often thought of as being desperate in our culture, especially among men (and in many situations they are...and rightfully so)!! I know I was!
My experience as a single mother lasted about 8 months and it was one of the most nightmarish experiences of my life. Today I am so greatful for the way things turned out and I have nothing but awe and respect for the women who can actually do it all by themselves. If you're interested, here's my story: https://steemit.com/family/@snowpea/wedding-day
Great article!! :)
Wonderful meeting you!
I am checking out your story now :)
I appreciate you sharing your experiences with us AK! I can't imagine what it must be like....but it sounds like your boys are really sweet and awesome =)
Yea, I have some good dudes ;) I like to say I am swimming in a sea of testosterone, lol! Some days are super difficult, as I am a female and it IS difficult for the sexes to "get" each other, but, we're all still alive so I'm doing something right ;)
@arbitrarykitten it has never been easy been a single mother, kudos to them for nursing us into what we are And thanks for sharing this fantastic topic
I am happy to spread awareness about this. It is important, and getting more dangerous.
Thank you <3
I appreciate you sharing your experiences with us AK! I can't imagine what it must be like....but it sounds like your boys are really sweet and awesome =)
Thats a nice post and it will help new steemers like me to grow our post quality.
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I want to work with u. Actually im a new steemer and ur psots are just inspiring for me
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Las madres es lo mas bello que existimos yo soy madre soltera y tuve a mis bebes muy joven pero apesar de tan difícil sea el camino amo a mis hijos como a nada gracias a ellos en busca de mejor estoy steemit que por cierto amo esta red social también ♥♥♥ saludos desde Venezuela @arbitrarykitten
I once knew a single mother who knew where the father was, but she refused to go after child support because she didn't want him in her life. I think it made her feel tough and independent. I feel she should have collected it for her child, though.
He may have been a bad man who also did bad things and she was being a protective mom.. Many times the system will make the man be a part of the childs life...
Yes parenting is difficult and I couldn't imagine trying to do it by myself. I've got my three (soon to be four) little ones and they require a lot of time and attention. Worth every second! Keep on keeping on! @ironshield
Congrats in advance! I have three- I can't imagine 4!! Good Luck <3
Great post - lots f food for thought. Here in Switzerland the social services etc are great, but that is a safety net more than anything, and I guess doesn't help so much with the social isolation
Hope this post gets some more exposure!
Cheers
Thank you <3
Hello @arbitrarykitten
The cost of single parenthood is hard. That is why potential couples need to make sure that they are ready to live together no matter worth.
Marriage goes beyond love, it often involves understanding and in some cases long suffering.
Thanks for sharing this, more people need to understand the importance of raising children in a complete family.
@ogochukwu
It truly is important for a child to have two parents- and it's important to the parents.
It's a real shame we live in a society where families are throw away far too often...
Reaping the benefits of a cultural marxist doctrine since the 60's, I'm afraid.
One of the main aims of this evil, was to destroy the family unit.
Communism can't succeed if allegiance is to your family first, and not the government...
Very, very good point...
I know that single moms have it so hard. I have some friends here whose husbands are absent (either working in another larger town or living in another place altogether for various reasons). They have it really hard, even though they see their husbands on occasion. I can't imagine never having the others support. One thing my husband does is deal with putting the kids in bed. It saves their lives and mine at the end of the day. I'm just too worn out most of the time. So hard. I hope that you have a support system in friends and family.
I am unfortunately the only child of only children... So it's just me. And where I live the people keep to themselves.
I miss Italy. Life is quite different here in US. Some places people are friendly, but far too many do not even know their neighbors...
Yes I can imagine that the Italian culture is more family oriented than anywhere in the US right now. And they consider everyone family. Same as here when you get in with the Panamanians or even in the expat community. When we lived in Texas, people weren't too friendly with neighbors - and family was always too busy.
The expats there form a close community?
Yes very. We have spent more time with a lot of our expat friends in the last seven months than we have with a lot of our family members in the last seven years - and we even lived right down the street from one of the members of our family. We see most of our friends at least 3-4 times a week. It is very unusual for us and we really are thankful for it.
Not an easy thing to be a mom and a dad at the same time. But, from what I can see your kids appreciate it greatly. I especially loved the gifts for fathers days also. That is one amazing idea because you are both to them. :)
You do have a great responsibility of making tough decisions, but if your kids are this wonderful then you are doing a great job. All you can do is make the best possible decisions at any given moment and hope for the best. Not every decision no matter how we would like them to be are going to correct and that is simply LIFE. :)
Great post my friend. Have a great day. :)
Yes, the Fathers Day touched me <3
Thank you so much :)
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Thats a nice post and it will help new steemers like me to grow our post quality.
I will be very thankful if u kindly support me by upvoting my blogs (if u like) and plzz make a comment.
Thank you
I want to work with u. Actually im a new steemer and ur psots are just inspiring for me
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Thats a nice post and it will help new steemers like me to grow our post quality.
I will be very thankful if u kindly support me by upvoting my blogs (if u like) and plzz make a comment.
Thank you
I want to work with u. Actually im a new steemer and ur psots are just inspiring for me
hi @arbitrarykitten, topic that interests us all thank you for sharing
Thank you! I am happy it inspires you <3
Thank you!
Beautifully put. The media is hijacked by the heroes of Wall Street valorised in the Bloomberg press while the real economic warriors are struggling to put shoes on their kids and keep them in school. Great post.
You are so correct.
Thank you <3
ArbitraryKitten, the effort you are putting in will be repaid a thousandfold :)
Awe, that means a lot <3
Thank you
You are welcome :)
everyone said it all before me, and so much better than I.
A round of applause goes bout to you.
Thank you Joe :)
Thats a nice post and it will help new steemers like me to grow our post quality.
I will be very thankful if u kindly support me by upvoting my blogs (if u like) and plzz make a comment.
Thank you
Thank you so much. I am happy to be an inspiration <3
My pleasure..plzz Keep supporting
U deserve it
Thanks hun
😄
😄
Parenthood is indeed tough, especially being a mother where we have to be everything and everywhere at once. It's not easy providing food and shelter for our little ones. Like I myself too have to struggle sometimes. Sacrifice my meal at work by bringing leftover dinner to save up to buy milk and diaper.
Yes, many sacrifices. I've gone hungry before, so my boys would not.
It's insane how expensive diapers are.
Not sure what's the living cost like at your place but from where I live, an average person's income is about 2.3k after tax. About 50 bucks for a box of milk, it gets cheaper as the baby grew older. Diaper itself is about 35bucks. There are people who buy 650gram worth of milk for 150 and a pack of diaper with approximately 50 pieces at 70. That's insane ! Im going for the average priced ones and I'm already halfway crying 😂😂😂 LOL ! Now I feel bad for taking 10bucks from my mom every week back then.
It's pretty bad here. Rent is average 75% of income if single. Milk is $20 a canniser. Pack of midbrand diapers is about $20.
Yeah being a single mother sucks! maybe they shouldnt be sluts or have unprotected sex. Oh well! Sucks to be them. I dont understand why you cater to them, no one owes anyone else ANY handouts. They are ADULTS, they made those choices. Wise up or grow up. But for fuck sake! WORK SLUTS! WORK! STOP ASKING FOR MONEY! NO ONE OWES YOU JACK SHIT. WORK! WORK! WORK! AND GIVE ME A BLOW AFTERWARDS
@robertmiller777, didn't you read the article? The writer's partner LEFT to form a new family unit.