Thank you for taking the time to share what you are experiencing. While I can understand what happened, I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way, and unfortunately I'm unable to provide the help that you may need. It's important to talk things over with someone who can, though, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life.
I hope you find the resources you need to progress and feel better despite your difficulties. I'm wishing you all the best.
Your words are appreciated and I understand. Have a good one.