I use to think that most of the more difficult things In life had a method or process that simplified them and made them a little easier. Sometimes they would even work themselves out. Like PEMDAS for math equations or Blooms Taxonomy (The Scientific Method) when approaching a science project. Surely those things can be pretty difficult within themselves you would think but there is something that trumps the two….. The “Talking” Stage. I know somebody’s going to read this & go “What the heck is that ?” well. Grab some water or coffee. Have a seat. Let me explain. The Talking Stage is one of the biggest grey areas in modern day dating its actually crazy that as I’m typing this trying to explain it I feel myself getting frustrated cause it’s that hard to explain. It’s pretty much the compatibility check. It’s a graveyard of potential. I would say about 60% of my “dating experience” never even actually got to the dating part of things just a bunch of talking. It’s pretty much purgatory. Like a really long interview for some people. If you’re reading this I’m assuming you know what the Talking Stage is so I’ll shut up now.
#1 Leave your expectations at the door.
Some of the worst people to be in any type of relationship with are entitled people. With that entitlement comes the entitled expectations that no one wants to put up with.
“Why didn’t you tell me …. Blah blah”
“I think you should do ….blah”
“When are you going to…”
“You’re going out !?”
THIS
is probably why you’re single in the first place. The fact that you don’t realize that in the Talking Stage. YOU ARE STILL SINGLE. And no one owes you any answers about anything.
#2 EMOTIONS!? Check em.
Don’t act on these. They will eat you alive if you allow them to. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER ! RIGHT NOW! It’s just a like their Instagram from someone way more attractive than you think you are. You’re gonna be ok. No they’re probably not making out with the person they went and had coffee with definitely not with coffee still on their breath. Don’t blow up on them for not replying in 30 seconds. GET OFF THEIR INSTAGRAM PAGE. Put the knife down. Go outside. Read a book write a letter. Dude you’re still single. Which leads me to the next tip.
#3 Dude You’re Single.
Don’t be the person that doesn’t recognize their singleness. Nothing is scarier than a clingy person that you aren’t even dating it’s the quickest way to get friend zoned or even blocked on everything. Don’t go and start turning people down for the person you’re talking to especially if they aren’t doing the same. But also embrace the gift of singleness cause it is indeed a gift. Go get better at something. Pick up an instrument. Grow in some knowledge and if you’re a believer what better time is there to grow in faith than when you’re single !? Prepare yourself for whatever is next you’re single you have the time.
#4 Communicate
This is by far one of the most important things in our everyday lives from work relationships , spouses , boyfriend and girlfriends and even those pesky little WhatAreWe? Friends. Have a clear communication plan. If you aren’t okay with something SPEAK UP. You have that inalienable freedom. You certainly don’t want to come off as pushy but you also don’t want to be a push over. There is a happy medium somewhere between there find it. If you’ve gotten along far enough where you feel comfortable to share your insecurities with your talking partner ( i laugh every time i type talking partner ) then share them ! Find out where the boundaries have been set. Set boundaries!Be vulnerable.
“I know you didn’t mean to but that made me a little uncomfortable.”
“I’m going out with ____ tonight.”
Be intentional with care ! Ask meaningful questions ! Not just conversation fillers. The purpose of the talking Stage is really for you to get to know each other.
#5 Get out of There !
Sometimes this thing can last a bit longer than what is necessary. Sometimes it’s on and off high and low. But if you or your talking partner come to the conclusion that things really wouldn’t work together break it off fast. Don’t prolong it don’t lead anyone on. “What if “ thoughts are some of the most haunting, annoying, frustrating and depressing things that can come out of this. Kill those thoughts. They don’t have to exist.
good
thanx moscha