When I write, I have to wait for inspiration, whereas you, it seems, have placed yourself in the position that you must come up with something, whether you are in the mood or not. I bet it is marvellous training for you.
One of the things that gives me great joy is when I see young people with talent who are willing to struggle to make it grow.
That makes you one of the precious people and I hope to see more of your ideas and paintings.