“Popular culture is a place where pity is called compassion, flattery is called love, propaganda is called knowledge, tension is called peace, gossip is called news, and auto-tune is called singing.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
Culture is a game, and a rather easy one at that. The rules are readily available and simple to follow. Every question is answered – one need not trouble themselves to think. Every choice is accounted for with a limited range of options. You need only remain faithful to that list, and your success is all but guaranteed.
You know what this list entails – we all do. If you wanted to play the culture game – and play it well – you know just what to do. Think of some culturally-approved options for the following questions, and you’ll find you have ready answers to all of them:
How should you cut your hair?
What kind of clothes should you wear to the mall, to work, to a wedding, on a date?
How should your body look?
How should you speak to a new acquaintance, a child, your elders, figures of authority?
What kind of topics should you speak about in mixed company?
Which opinions should you express relative to race, gender, religion, politics?
What TV shows, movies, and music should you be familiar with?
What kind of activities should you pursue?
Answers may vary somewhat, leaning you toward one group or another. For instance, you can choose political views that are left-leaning, or right-leaning, and still be culturally acceptable. The idea isn’t that you’re going to please everyone, just that you’re not going to shock people with something way off the scale. You can make personal decisions that vary a little this way or that, but the primary rule of culture is that the range is definitively set.
The Choice
Growing up, my mother was very adept at the culture game, and she taught it to me at every opportunity. I learned to play it well, and saw how beneficial that aptitude could be. It carried me through my younger years and into my adulthood with very few bumps in the road. I was surrounded by universal approval and praise, smiles and helping hands, and had an express route to anywhere I wanted to go.
My father made the effort to conform and was fairly capable, but had a natural inclination to rail against culture’s restraints. He suffered the consequences of disapproval when he did not comply. At one point, his inability to resolve the disparity nearly shattered his sanity. Witnessing his restlessness and defiance spoke to what was authentic in me, and paved the way for my partial escape from the grips of cultural bondage as I got older.
I have seen both sides of the culture game and how the choice is simple and completely within our control. I have made both choices at different times in my life and have directly witnessed how the world around me changed. I saw how we can make a new choice at any time and produce entirely predictable results.
The lonely misfit need only conform, and within a month or two they can be surrounded by numerous friends and nursing sore shoulders from all the pats on the back. They’ll all say, ”He really turned himself around and got his act together!” and the world will open up before him.
The popular social butterfly can just as easily find themselves alone and desperate in short order by turning their back on the dictates of culture. All will lament ”She’s really lost it… I don’t know what happened, maybe she’s depressed. It’s sad, she had everything going for her.” Doors will promptly slam shut until she’s completely shut out from society.
The Nature of the Beast
So why do we see wide variations between people’s ability to play this game when we all know the rules so well? Because though the choice is simple, it is not easy. Culture is a limitation that defies our inherent free will, and this is not a thing easily forsaken. It’s tiring to be something you’re not, and many can only muster enough strength to do it halfway, while others can hardly bear to do it at all.
Authenticity must be relinquished to win at the highest levels of the culture game. Authenticity is truth, and so we must embrace deception to fully succeed. Consciously and continuously deceiving others is tedious work, and few have the stamina to keep it going for a lifetime. To be a true champion, we must deceive ourselves, such that our deception toward others springs forth naturally and becomes somewhat effortless. Image must replace authenticity - the lie must replace our perception of truth.
Of course, we can never achieve this inner deception with complete success, as our true nature relentlessly attempts to break its bonds. Even if we can silence its wails and the rattling of its chains, who we are is still railing against the injustice, tearing up the walls of its cell whether we are consciously aware of it or not.
Psychological dysfunction will result, though we may be able to outrun it by masking its symptoms long enough to escape into death without ever duly addressing the issue. Most, however, will crumble long before that; suffering the ill effects of their denial by succumbing to the pitfalls of debauchery, depravity, delusion, or whatever methods they employ to camouflage or repress the disquiet in their soul.
Many give up the fight; they simply cannot carry it on indefinitely. It is common to see people begin to shed the cultural demands as they age. They speak out of turn, become lax in their manner of dress or personal grooming, and refuse invitations without concern for offending. They begin to do what they want instead of what the culture says they must.
Knowing Your Power
Right now you have a choice. If you are choosing culture and feel dissatisfied despite your success, understand that you have made this choice and that you are not trapped. You may continue to make this choice, but acknowledge your freedom in this – it may relieve some of the pressure. If you have chosen authenticity and are suffering its ill social effects, understand that you have made this choice and not an unwitting victim – stand proud knowing that you’re exercising your innate power.
My hope is that one day authenticity will come to define the culture. That truth and honesty will be valued for its own sake, and that we will all grant others the latitude to be who they are and celebrate that sincerely, for no other reason than because it is real. Until then, find your place on the scale and accept its consequences. Have peace in the knowledge that you have chosen of your own volition, and that no one can take that power of choice away from you.
Thanks for checking in!
Brian Blackwell
Relevant articles supporting a deeper understanding of the ideas presented above may be found here:
I haven't finished the article yet. Just wanted to say that this is a favorite topic of mine and I'm glad you're writing about it. I'm currently on the questions part with the bullet lists, and sad to say that I, and presumably many of us reading this article, are very much conformed in some way within those cultural dynamics. What clothes should I wear? How should my hair look? How should I talk? haha This is often why I feel left out in most circles of people and would rather just stay home. I don't like to use the word "introvert" cuz that seems to lose its meaning when I see others use that label when it doesn't even apply to them. I feel "reclusive" or "hermit" is much closer to what I am. Also, I like the quote at the top. Ok, back to reading...
If we think about it, we know how to conform to the culture - though mustering the courage or willingness to do it is another matter.
I was talking to a long-time friend of mine last night. He's always been a little anxious socially, but not such that he was paralyzed by it. Today, his headshrinker has him on a constant rotation of medications for this very natural phenomenon. Is it helping? No, of course not. He walks around like a goddam zombie, and still feels uncomfortable in social situations. Does he stop taking the meds? No. He's the perfect example of what the Milgram Experiment sought to explore - blind obedience to a perceived authority.
The causal factor of his anxiety is a disconnect between his personality and cultural expectations. He doesn't understand that it's a game; he believes the incongruity indicates a very real inadequacy within himself. He lacks faith in his own ability. He's afraid that he will try and fail. He cannot muster the courage to conform.
For those who do understand the game - if we are awake to its fallacious nature - the problem is quite different, though the outward results are similar. We become frustrated with the bullshit nature of the game, and rebel. We cannot muster the willingness to conform.
In either case, it's not the misfit who is wrong - it's the culture. But - as is so often the case - the culture has the strength of majority compliance on its side, and the power to push aside dissenters. It's the age-old dilemma of picking your battles. In cases where morality and truth is not at stake, we would be well-served to conform to the full extent of our honest willingness, and no further.
I tend to go a little further than my willingness at times, due to my core programming/upbringing. The sting of perceived censure via non-compliance sometimes outweighs the discomfort of failing to make authentic choices. If I wanted a tattoo on my face to make myself look like a lizard, for example (which I do not), I would likely refrain due to this uncomfortable expectation of disapproval. This I consider to be a failure.
I could not help but be reminded of the movie we saw - The Game - when you described your friend and the culture. Do you think there's some similarities with the movie and what your friend is going through?
In what regard?
Excellent post sir - why is no one commenting on this? lol
I had a mother who was nothing but playing the culture game (she had her socipoathy goin' on)..
Luckily for me, my dad bought the culture game, and then threw it away before I was even born.
I listened to my dad a lot...
Ahhh, so you understand this dynamic quite well. I would be interested to know the stats on kids who grow up with these two influences in stark contrast. On the one side is truth, which compels by its very nature if given a fair shake. On the other side is all the temptations of the ego, supported by an overwhelming preponderance of examples.
I wonder how this shakes out... For you and me it seems truth won the day - at least to some degree (I know my mind is not entirely free) - and I wonder if that’s because of that close and consistent influence.
Thank you for coming by to read my article, and for the kind words!