I feel like I'm constantly losing, as if everything slips through my hands like sand, leaving me empty. People say that when you fall with others, you quickly get up laughing, but when you fall alone, you keep wondering how and why it happened. My journey is long, and even when I find a brief rest, I still feel defeated.
Sometimes I think I've already felt everything I'll ever feel, and from now on, there won't be any new emotions, just weaker versions of what I've already experienced. Challenges exhaust me, and it's not the waiting that hurts the most, but realizing afterward that I was waiting for something that never happened.
I no longer feel sorry for myself because what else do we get other than waiting? I wonder how I became so lonely. It's not necessary to reach the destination as soon as you step out of the house. Habits are truly terrible; I had convinced myself that I was important. I thought I mattered, but someone once told me, "Your jokes are meaningless, just like your life." This was said to me in school, and even though it might seem like a small thing, its trauma has stayed with me until today. She called my life meaningless, and it hurt me deeply. Now, nothing bothers me anymore. I don't know what has happened to me or what I’ve become; I’m just tired of this endless cycle of constant connection and perpetual distance.