I have developed a philosophy, after WAY TOO MANY blonde moments. Many years ago, I thought I was content and relatively happy, my relationship was what it was, not spectacular, but not GOD awful. He was a good guy to some extent, what I mean by that is he went to work, paid his bills, found time for friends, but not real great at the whole partner thing. I was the mom, took care of the laundry, the dinners, the issues... so I guess we were what would be considered the typical American family.
There came a day when I realized I was sick, I knew what it was, and I just wanted to fix it. Now having been through 3 strokes, cancer, and a very abusive relationship, I knew my body well, and something wasn't right. I spent hours reading looking for the one thing that fit... and I found it. In the meantime I was being a good little dobee and going to my practicing physician... I think he referred to him self as a DR... but I am sure he was just practicing... 26 prescription later and constant arguing with SSI ( yes I was on disability, and they were paying for all my medical) I was told I HAD to FILL those prescriptions AND take those medications, if I did not I would be removed from SSI, and required to work...( I was 87 pounds and dying) in the midst of all this, my relationship went south, at the behest of my practicing physician who told my partner I was just trying to get attention. SO the question became 26 prescriptions for some one trying to get attention... yeah doc.. keep practicing.
Long story short, at my now 87 pounds, and a move away from MR wonderful, I was sent for cancer treatment... although no test were ever run.. he was just practicing to see if maybe this time he was right. I had told the Dr. there what I suspected, she ran a blood test rather than a dose of chemo and I was right. That was the day I decided that I was going to take control. So ( HUGE blonde moment) I moved to the other side of the country, as far away from that life as possible, got my self healthy and started working. ( Oh the issue hyper active thyroid)
So after having lost everything that I had car, house, relationship and home I was starting over.
What I have discovered is a new way to see things. Outside of what the world thinks is normal. Every day despite the struggles I wake up and remember how grateful I am... Hey I am still here... I ask that the beings of love and light come together and heal this country so we can once again be a county of love and compassion, I ask for what ever information I need just for today to find peace in my life, and I ask to be directed to those people or places that will once again assist me in moving home. Jerome is a great place to live, and all things in life are lessons to awaken us to the truth of who we are and why we are here. For me that move so many years ago has become a move that has allowed me to clarify what is most important to me, and allowed me to grow in ways I probably would not have had I stayed in my comfort zone, content with my life, ( o.K lets be honest here... bored in a life that was going no where) The illness and loss of the life I knew was hard, but it was necessary. Now I am ready to go home again. Funny thing about going home... For that last few years I have played Cinderella to a woman who quite frankly see's most of the world beneath her... ( having and endless supply of money will do that to you) And while I see how it has effected her, I think for all the unkindness and selfishness, there were lessons to be learned. Well I have been patiently waiting as they say... several months ago I saw the perfect home for me... it was a small castle ( no seriously it looks like a small castle) and I thought Cinderella has found her castle... no prince involved...and it had sold ... I was a little saddened... so I moved on... looking at houses on the internet... synchronicity being what it is... I am no longer working for this wealthy person, someone is interested in this house, which means my time here would be over, AND the castle is out on the market once again ... I can only hope that will be my future... Another new beginning...BRING it on!...So take my word for it... sometimes things come along that help make us the best version of our selves at the worst possible moments, and yet, with hope and belief in yourself... anything is possible... ( I say that laughing after all at 48 years old I choose to adopt an 8 year old... if that's not scary.. moving across the country AGAIN is a piece of cake :) )
Life is an adventure some good some bad ,,,just in one of those moments myself ...relationship wise ... Not sure what way i am going to turn ... Either way ...my castle is my boat and the peace of waking up anchored in a bay having a cup of earl grey tea in the morning the ocean air ...as long as its not low tide lol is a place one can feel at peace with the world,
Good luck on your adventures.
I have actually thought about a nice house boat... I could do that! Right now Cinderella is so very grateful not to have to get up a 5 am and work her little tushy off. My Castle is actually on a lake so I can get up every morning and see the water ( trust me after living in the desert water outside my window would be great) watch the birds, the rustling of the trees, and just enjoy a quiet cup of coffee before I start my day...I am an east coaster, and I so remember the smell of the ocean... nothing like it...Its so sad, people have forgotten that its those little things that make life wonderful...Blessing my friend... I will think of you tomorrow as I sit on my porch drinking my coffee...dreaming of the water and the smell of the ocean :)
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