An Honest Moment

in #life6 years ago (edited)

F0160950-2FA9-438A-9182-96B7BB9BC14D.png

I’ve been contemplating when this would come up and it just hasn’t felt right. I read a post by @anomadsoul last week where he was just freewriting. I loved it and I personally had never done that before. Not until tonight...

It’s 11:51 pm currently, and I just got home from seeing Antman & the Wasp. It was a ton of fun and I really enjoyed it. But before I go any further I’m going to rewind today a bit.

81963B22-57BD-4AB2-9D3C-65A4751C67DB.gif

My day started off like any other recent day. I thought how much I hate leaving my dogs when I go to work. I despise it. They are getting older and while overall ok right now, I know that there are many more days of us together that are behind us than ones that lie ahead. That scares the hell out of me and while a bit morbid, it’s something I cannot shake and it reminds me daily.

I left for work and once there got into the swing of things. My business partner is away seeing family in Florida so I’m manning the shop on my own for the week. Well, I have my guy James that helps us out in the shop a few days a week. He’s a tremendous help and I’m lucky to have him. I consider him a friend and we always laugh and have good coversation while working together.

It was a busy day. I had two fellas from Maryland come in and spend a nice chunk of change on some Elephantmen comics and a few Funko Pops. One dude bought a $500 Aquaman piece. I donated one of our Exclusive Harley Quinn Pops to be given away in a contest for his Toy Facebook Group he runs. He seemed super appreciative and invited me into the group. I joined and received a warm welcome from the members there. That was cool. They were both solid dudes and I look forward to seeing them again.

F27E7B0B-B7D8-47DA-8A86-C20DFC118CE0.jpeg

One of my favorite customers came in. Marty is definitely up there. He’s a retired major radio personality in the area and is one of the nicest guys around. We joke around and try to make each other laugh constantly. He fucked his leg up and came hobbling in with a cane today. We joked about that and I got him to belly laugh. Like a deep and hearty laugh. That felt fantastic. No greater feeling than making someone truly break down and burst into laughter.

F6598A31-BA43-4EFD-8535-4468E7C4E2CF.jpeg

Once it slowed down a bit, I stepped out and snagged lunch while James manned the shop. Just some chicken strips. No matter what I was gonna eat it was going to destroy my stomach today. The tummy gods shined their dim flickering light on my belly a lifetime ago and I have been living with Crohn’s since. It’s been ok for the most part in recent months until the last week or so where it’s been demolishing me daily and it drains me both physically, mentally, and I’m sure even emotionally...

I got back to the store and finished my day there a few hours later. I’m thinking about tomorrow night. After work, my wife and I are going to see the Foo Fighters. It’s the first concert in ages that I’m mega pumped to see. I’ve been a tremendous fan and I’ve never seen them, so I’m really jonesing for tomorrow evening. My wife bought the tickets in the fall I believe. She’s so amazing and I love her more each day. I’m really lucky to have her as well.

66D9749C-260A-4026-9345-87DB1E88AB9B.jpeg

All in all it’s a good day. I’m tired but all went well. I got home and sat down for a few where I opened Facebook to respond to some messages there. 7:30pm and that's where the night went to a weird place for me. Breaking news from the Hollywood Reporter. Steve Ditko...dead at 90.

0DB4C6EC-8729-40D6-858F-FC7BD26F923C.jpeg

My heart stopped. I panicked a bit as I opened google and typed in his name. Nothing else came up. Was this one of those hoaxes that desperate attention seeking assholes post about celebrities? Like that one about Jackie Chan falling off a cliff doing a stunt? Please be fake. It’s gotta be bullshit. But...wouldn’t they pick someone that EVERYONE knows? Ditko is definitely not a household name.

Then I click back to the article. I look at the time it was published. 7:29pm. It was 7:32. This just broke. The story literally just broke. I surf Facebook quickly. I start seeing it spread. I see Neil Gaiman’s twitter post about it. It’s true. My already knotted up stomach cramped harder and tighter.

Now I’m going to pause for a moment here to explain who Steve Ditko is to anyone not familiar. He’s the other party responsible for creating Spider-Man along with Stan Lee. I’m not going into the drama of that all as there is a story there as well, but this man is responsible for drawing Spider-Man at his incarnation.

D84AFF2A-2CFB-4C3F-8FCB-CAB934FA8CCC.jpeg

Spidey is, has been, and always will be my favorite superhero. What those guys created has been something that has brought so much joy and fun to my life ever since I was a kid and has stayed with me daily.

I have been talking about writing him a letter for over a year. He responds to his mail. People say he hates being bothered and I think that’s probably partially true. But I also think he enjoyed having dialogue with people. I’ve spoken to several people who wrote letters to him and received corespondence back. I think if he truly hated it, he wouldn’t have responded at all...but he did.

I’ve been wanting to write him for a while. I even started it a couple times just to push it aside to “do it later”. Now, it was too late. I fucked up. Someone I wanted to have just one moment with...even through snail mail, was now gone.

It made me reminisce of last summer when dragged my wife to New York to a small museum. It was housing The Art of Spider-Man exhibit featuring a ton of original artwork from all sorts of Spidey’s various titles throughout the years. Mainly, The Amazing Spider-Man and featuring several of Ditko’s pages which are literally ghosts in the world of Original Comic Art.

A535BB9D-1199-469F-AD5E-1F016ECF75E6.jpeg

Standing next to those and seeing them directly in front of me was an amazing and unforgettable experience. It was history but to me it was so much more. I envisioned him back in 1966, penciling these iconic pages for issue #33 that I stood before. He had no idea the phenomenon that lied ahead. He couldn’t have possibly envisioned it, yet...there I was...in awe of something he created. I’m thankful for that experience. I regret never writing him but I am grateful I got to feel the literal chills down the back of my neck as I stood next to greatness, taking in his remarkable masterpieces.

8D2949C3-492E-44AC-9DAE-0E002C97C8E2.jpeg

My eyes welled up a bit as I came out of my daydream and I wiped a tear. I walked over to my wife and told her the news. She apologized as she knew that it was weighing on me. I just wanted to not think about it so I thought seeing a movie would take my mind off of things for a bit. What better way to do that than by watching a Marvel movie. My wife was extremely tired after a long hard day at work so she stayed home as I flew solo to the theater.

While driving I started humming that Chris Cornell song, Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart. Absolutely beautiful song with a haunting melody. Check it out if you are unfamiliar. I pulled it up and listened while driving. I think I played it 3 times before seeking the video where I found out that YouTube removed the original video. It’s on Vimeo and that’s where I watched it. If you have seen it I’m sure you’ll agree....Pretty eerie given the circumstances. It made me sadder thinking how he is gone as well. Man this fuckin night turned into a total bummer. I couldn’t wait to watch the movie and just not be in my own head.

I pull up and try to use my MoviePass to which I find out that it’s not working. So I buy my ticket for the first time in a while. MoviePass has been fantastic by the way. If you see a bunch of films...get it. I read online that they will reimburse for this so I’ll contact them tomorrow and figure that out. No biggie.

I go up to the counter to get a soda and pretzel bites with cheese. The pretzel bites kinda blow as they just microwave them but I wanted something neutral for my stomach. Pretzels are always good for that. After I pay and I’m waiting they inform me that they are out of cheese. “Fuck it all”, I thought in my head...super dramatically like a spoiled young brat. Reality set in quickly to remind me of perspective and I walked to my seat kinda feeling silly and ashamed of myself for throwing a brief mental tantrum in my head, over the absence of kinda sorta warm liquid cheese.

Right before the movie started, my phone alerts started going off like crazy. It was Steemit notifications from the @blockbrothers app, Steemify. A bunch of folks upvoted my post about Ditko’s passing that I put up the minute I saw it at 7:30. https://steemit.com/marvel/@blewitt/steve-ditko-co-creator-of-spider-man-sadly-passed-away

Weirdly enough even though I know a bunch of that was stupid bots, it made me smile briefly that someone was seeing it. It almost felt like a proper send off in my mind...seeing a bunch of folks...or most likely robots, celebrate him just moments before I watch a film about super heroes. Super heroes that most likely wouldn’t have even existed, without his monumental contribution of Spider-Man.

Ok. Movie is starting. Mind is clear. I’m ready to smile and laugh again...

C420B9C0-7461-46BF-AA4A-6961EAD66734.gif

Sort:  

God damn, that was a good read.

Between your perspective and Chris Cornell's vocals (any Temple of the Dog fans out there?), you laid a couple of devastating haymakers on my cry-guy bits. Now I gotta find a new hiding place for them. Thanks, you buttmunch. ;)

I didn't have near the reaction you did when I head of Ditko's passing. The man's a comic book legend, but I was always more of a DC kid. Any time our hobby loses an icon though, it's a tragedy. I could have copy/pasted your feelings fourteen years ago when I heard the news Christopher Reeve had died. Ten days before my birthday.

That was a shitty October.

I hope you enjoy the concert! Your wife is amazing, Foo Fighters are amazing, Ditko was amazing. You don't get to create the "Amazing" Spider-Man by being mundane yourself, that's for sure. Best wishes to you.

It's the curse of growing up. There go our heroes.

Watch them as they go.

Thank you so much brother. Really awesome to know someone enjoyed the read. Ya never know what will actually get seen here so thx.

Great lines below man. Relevant and true.

98C37F53-83B2-4A77-9EFB-7C6CCCF03CA3.jpeg

Great dark night of the soul story . Could easily be illustrated into a Crumb like comic.

RIP Steve Ditko, the only man whose story ever had me thinking less of Stan Lee. At one time, I was even getting fed up of Stan Lee cameos cos I would be thinking of Ditko not getting his due. I'm almost over that now, as Stan Lee is the man, after all.

I've seen Foo Fighters a bunch of times, as well as Dave Grohl solo once, and love them. I hope you do too. If you have standing, be careful of all the pushing at the front. Hang back lol. The band tend to move about their gigs anyway. Seating is safe.

Life is short. RIP Steve Ditko. RIP Chris Cornell. And RIP, Chris' friend, Chester Bennington, who was also an awesome artist that I was lucky enough to see a few times with his band, Linkin Park.

Thing is, you just wrote a great story. I got into it as much as the works of the above artists.

When you're at the Foo Fighters gig, and Dave sings "My Hero," you can take a moment to think of all those guys and let them go.

Then, like the song says, you can be a hero for everyone in your life in your own way.

And take a moment to enjoy "The Pretender" song. That's my favorite one lol.

Take care. :)

The Pretender is a great tune. Hope is on the set list tonight.

Very nice commentary brother. This is the first time I was this open and personal on here. I was a bit worried as I hit POST. Not gonna lie...but having comments such as this one helps reassure me that it was a good choice to be open and honest last night about how conflicted I felt.

I think we all have moments in our lives where we get overcome by emotion. Last night was a very dark and meloncholy road I traveled on and It’s s road that is heavily traveled by all of us from time to time. I wanted to let people know it’s normal and not something to be ashamed of.

Hopefully more people read this and maybe inspires some to do the same. I dunno...

But tonight??? Foo Fighters!!!!!!

Rest well Steve.

"having comments such as this one helps reassure me that it was a good choice to be open and honest last night about how conflicted I felt"

I'm glad. There are so many benefits to sharing stories like these.

Because people tend not to share them, other people think they are alone having dark nights, when in fact, everybody has them.

And quite apart from that, it is obvious than these experiences are so acute that they trigger the best writing, vivid, suspenseful and unforgettable.

I'm a little jealous of your date with the Foo Fighters lol.

Thank you Rodney. Yeah, we all walk down a dark path once in a while. It’s part of life. It’s never all rainbows. I think acknowledgment of that helps being able deal.

Foo Fighters were fucking amazing!

Just wanted to thank you for mentioning our notification app Steemify. That deserved an upvote right there. I’ll read the entire post later after Formula 1 qualifications have finished. Looks like an awesome post from first glance.

No problem. It’s a cool app that I get use from daily so I guess, thank you!

I appreciate it you taking a look. I just let it go last night and was very open. Any attention brought to the post is a positive. Maybe more people will read it and inspire them to follow suit. Would he cool to read honest moments from everyone here. Ya know?

Or maybe I’m delusional. Lol

@blockbrothers Would love your input if ya ever got around to checking it out my friend!

You don't have a "bring your dogs to work day" at your shop? 😄

Of course I do!!! Lol. I bring em to work with me one at a time often. Just not lately as we are in the middle of a project here.

I know how it feels when a (your) hero is no more and that you never pushed up the button to have your mail delivered to him. He contributed to a great work and that makes him a great man. We'll live with the legacy from his works. May he see peace till eternity.

Yeah his legacy will definitely live on forever.

Great Post bro

Thank you sir.

Great post sir.

Congratulations @blewitt! You have completed the following achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

Award for the number of upvotes

Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:
SteemitBoard World Cup Contest - Quarter Finals - Day 1


Participate in the SteemitBoard World Cup Contest!
Collect World Cup badges and win free SBD
Support the Gold Sponsors of the contest: @good-karma and @lukestokes


Do you like SteemitBoard's project? Then Vote for its witness and get one more award!

Thanks for calling @blewitt! Here is a small upvote for this post and my opinion about it.

To my mind this post is at least 9 SBD worth and should receive 104 votes.

By the way, you can find TODAY'S TRUFFLE PICKS HERE.

I am TrufflePig, an Artificial Intelligence Bot that helps minnows and content curators using Machine Learning. If you are curious how I evaluate content, you can find an explanation here!

Have a nice day and sincerely yours,
trufflepig
TrufflePig