Yesterday, I had my 32 week prenatal appointment, during which I think I overwhelmed the doctor with my birth plan. He began with an "oh, no" and said that it is the "kiss of death" when someone brings in a birth plan. He said a few times that he doesn't want us to be "adversaries." I made sure to let him know that I understand things may come up that make certain things in my plan impossible, but I would like to make it our goal to stick to it as much as possible. I'm a very reasonable person, not combative at all. He raised some concerns over a couple things, delayed cord clamping in particular. He said that they will only allow 45 seconds because in a full-term baby too much blood volume can increase the bilirubin levels and cause jaundice. He wanted to know if I had read any studies and what kind, which I admitted that on THAT particular topic I had not. He proceeded to patronize and condescend and almost acted insulted that I would question him and the many doctors who are "smart enough" to have done studies and compiled all this information. He said it would be like him coming into my practice, my expertise and saying that that is not how he wants it done, or something along those lines. It made me very uncomfortable and made me feel very small. I'm just a mother trying to piece together conflicting information in order to make the best decision possible for my son. I don't have a medical degree, but I do have a brain and the ability to read and the right to be informed and to question medical advice, especially considering that medical mistakes are the third leading cause of death in the US. So I have spent the morning so far researching the topic. I have several studies indicating a significant benefit of delayed cord clamping, especially from 1-3 minutes, without an increased risk to mother or baby. While there can be an increase in polycythemia, which can cause an increase in bilirubin as extra red blood cells break down, there was no significant increase or need for further treatment in most cases. This article in particular was very thorough and insightful: https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/708616_4
He also brought up circumcision. He asked if the father was circumcised. He is. The doctor said I might want to consider it for appearances so that baby looks like daddy and that it might matter to him when he gets older if he looks different. I almost laughed at him. I said I'm not concerned with appearances. He only followed by saying it is something to talk to the pediatrician about. I think it is ridiculous that that is the only reason he could come up with to try and talk me into circumcising. I wanted to say that when he starts asking we will tell him that he was born that way, just like Daddy was, but Daddy's parents decided to remove some of his skin at birth, and that it is ok to look different. He was born that way for a reason, and he is perfect and whole. Daddy wishes that he could look like him, but he didn't get that choice.
Long story short, I am most concerned with this doctor's attitude. I did not feel supported at all. I would like to find other options, but I am limited because of insurance, money, and distance from the hospital. Ideally, I would give birth at home, but I live 45 minutes from a hospital in the event of complications. If I need an ambulance, it takes 45 minutes for them to get to me and another 45 to the hospital. It would most likely be too late at that point. (I know this because of my miscarriage 2 years ago. It took an hour and a half to get there and be seen by a doctor.) My next best option is a birth center, the only one in the state as far as I know, but they will not take me because of my BMI. My next option is to bite the bullet and go to an out-of-network hospital and spend twice the money. My final option is to find a midwife in town, closer to a hospital, who has the facilities to deliver there. The thing I worry about is the cost. Our money is already spread so thin I would need someone who could work out a payment plan with us. My chiropractor has given me contact info for a local midwife, but she practices at the out-of-network hospital. I'm hoping she will know of someone who can help us. If you have any info or suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm beginning to panic a little bit.
@bridgetmartin
I hear you. We went through the very same scenario with our daughter. Except they didnt emphasize billirubin..
The hang up occured when doctors would talk down to us about vaccines/vaccine schedule. I would encourage you and @hippie-witha-gun to look over facts.. more deaths occur due to vaccine administration rather then contracting said "ailment" itself. Ask your doctor why they offer this stuff without liability for manufactorers? Ask if he (they have a vested interest in vaccinating children). Then tell him as you look at him straight in the eyes, "my rights to my child does not come in degrees."
We are planning on having another child within a year or two. We plan on having a midwife help. We sat down and met and spoke in great length to one shortly before our daughter was born. We loved her, she was so knowledgable and kind.
Unfortunately, we didnt get to use the midwife. But my wife is convinced (as well as me) this is the way to go.
Some insurances will pay 100% of cost, there are midwifes whom will perform for little to no fee. I'll chat with @hippie-witha-gun about it.
Best of luck, as always you guys in prayers and thoughts.
Thank you. We have done a lot of research on vaccines and will not be getting any. We have contact info for a pediatrician who will support our decision. We just have to make it through delivery.
I HATE arrogant doctors! Do you have another option on doctors? If NOT, make him sign a paper to the effect that he will do what YOU say! The cord cutting delay I have never heard of before, BUT; You want it, and THAT settles it. He is selling a service, and you are the consumer; remind him of that!
The Bilirubin is a common problem with babies. My Son had to relax under the light for several days. IT IS NOT a dangerous condition; and he needs to shut up! It is his job to point out what he thinks is best, but doctors make mistakes; and you will be long term responsible for this kid, not him!
Tell him to do what you say, or refer to another doctor who will!
>:(I had a doctor that wanted to cut on my back, in the wrong spot. I refused, and it took me a year to find the right doctor. He did it right.
I had never had a problem with him until I did something that went against the "standard practice." You never really know until you start to question someone. I'm just glad I took my plan with me rather than wait until I was in the hospital in labor. Thankfully, this midwife I talked to said that they do these kinds of births all the time. It's pretty standard for them. Basically, I just want as natural with as little intervention as possible - no pain meds, no injections, no circumcision, no labor augmentation, no pitocin, no bath (the vernix is good for his skin and immune system), delayed cord clamping, and for him to stay in the room or have a family member with him at all times. Yes, it's unusual in this day and age, but it isn't unheard of or unreasonable. She was completely supportive of it. Now I can just relax and enjoy these last few weeks. :-)
I think you have a solid, well thought out plan! That doctor is a fool, I am VERY glad you found a good Midwife! I would trust them more anyway. The last few weeks seem longer than the preceding 8 plus months! SO be blessed, and read some good books.
With our first, there was one doctor in the practice who was an idiot! I told her doctor that if she went into labor when he was on call, I would deliver the Baby myself! That he was NOT allowed in her delivery room. Thankfully, he was not on call when we went in....
:)The key is not to panic. Think this through with your husband. This is your body and your baby. The doctors are called practising physicians for a reason. They don't know everything. Perhaps you need to talk to him again with your husband present showing a unified front.
I didn't go to this doctors appointment for a reason. I'm too radical and I will call the doctors Nazi Eugenicists to their faces. I personally met Del Bigtree so I know what is going on at these hospitals with these doctors. So it is best that I stay away from these doctors till it is time to deliver our baby.
Can't say I blame you. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them which isn't too far...
Dude -find Theresa Elder...she is a midwife...had a clinic and still may I don't know...David Nicewarner's wife...Tony Nicewarner I think you were friends with...they can probably still be reached through Unity of Fayetteville...
You could always let @hippie-witha-gun deliver him. (just kidding) A friend of mine delivered all 6 of his. Yes, my friend is a little weird/crazy, he even videoed one of the deliveries so the kids could watch... he's a lot like this nihilistic misanthropist that I know.
Now that is weird. I might do some sick shit but nothing like that. Although I will say I have thought about when it comes time to explain the birds and the bees to our son showing him our own home video of the two of us making love LOL. Of course I wouldn't do that but it was one thing I thought would be funny.
lol, well that's pretty much what I thought. His kids turned out pretty good though.
Before I pull something crazy on the kids, I try to think, "when I was a kid and if my dad did this what would I think and do."
Oh I'll be doing crazy shit. My only rule is that my son can't get married till he buys the girl an AR-15. That and he has to be 12 before he can watch John Waters Pink Flamingos.
Fun Fact: my Dad let me watch the movie Faces of Death when I was 4 years old. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I have such a dark sense of humor LOL.
I posted an update: https://steemit.com/life/@bridgetmartin/prenatal-conflict-update
Bridget - Theo knows a friend of mine from Elkins named Theresa Elder. She is a lifelong midwife. I will see if I have her phone number...Theo knows her husband David Nicewarner also and their kids...he might remember where they live, but I know he isn't driving these days...She is the very best option you could possibly have...she is smart, knowledgeable and calm, and very much into a personal birth experience that is safe...
I found Theresa Elder and she has quit midwifery but says the one you found on your own is fine...I am so glad you found a woman you can trust and work with...