What you have just described is how I feel at times.
Many years ago I discovered meditation and martial arts and I developed an unmovable self control and peace of mind. Stupidly, I gave up my self control to walk in the wilderness (metaphorically speaking) and got a little lost.
It wasn't all bad though, I found a wife out there and together we had a child. However, I do wonder sometimes if I was meant to have these things.
I now try to find my way back to my path and I believe I am most definitely on course, but sometimes I allow the distractions of life to pull me away from myself and I feel I start back at square one somewhat disheartened.
Amidst the distraction it is solitude I long for, for it is there I believe we find our true selves, having tamed the beast we call mind.
Good luck to you on your journey my friend.
Thanks man, i appreciate