It’s too late to change my mind and it’s time to admit I was wrong. There, I said it. I was wrong. I sacrificed too much in my life for you and even put my relationship with my son at risk. What kind of horrible mother does that? And you supported it? I have some work to do in order to forgive myself for my behavior, but this isn’t about me – not this time. I’ve been dealing with myself enough lately. It’s your turn.
People make presumptions about me. They so willingly tell me what I should be or should want. It’s been happening to me my entire life, but I’m so used to it that I let it roll off me – usually gracefully and without hard feelings. For some reason, I never expected this from you, and for that reason can’t help but have hard feelings toward you. I thought you were the exception.
Am I being too sensitive or perhaps too insensitive? Irony is confusing.
Photo source: pixabay.com
Should, should, should…
Really? Should I…? What kind of woman am I, you ask?
Since I’m a woman, you say, I should be talking non-stop; entertain you! I should be a nagging nightmare that annoys the hell out of every man I know; start the vicious cycle that ends a marriage every 5 seconds! I should be weak – of mind and body; stop thinking so much and just look pretty! I should smile more; ladies are sweeter when they smile!
We’ll take these “shoulds” point-by-point, so I can break it down for you why I can’t stand you. It’s the least I can do. After all, we have history.
I.
I’ll be honest with you. There’s not much of anything to talk about. Not with you and not anything that matters. You just won’t understand. No, I haven’t seen that movie or heard that song. And no, I don’t want to video chat with you on Skype; I’m not a cam girl.
You see, I can’t talk, because all the talking is happening in my head. Care to join in the conversation? I doubt it; you got bored the second I mentioned what the topic in there is. That glazed over look in your eyes is one I’m all too familiar with seeing.
When something goes straight over your head and you don’t even realize, is it my fault or yours?
II.
Dude, I thought men wanted women to stop nagging them. Just because I don’t nag doesn’t mean I don’t care. But if you’re going to nag me about not nagging, then I can assure you I will stop caring. The way I show I care is difficult to unmask, but hides in plain sight if you open your eyes.
I have needs, but I’m not going to beg you to address those needs. I've told you about my needs and you choose to ignore them. I'm not a "typical" woman (whatever that means) who expects you to be a mind reader.
My needs are beyond physical; I thought you were wise enough to understand that. I’m wise enough to let a man be a man, and I even appreciate men being men. I’ve addressed your needs with open arms and passion.
Photo source: pixabay.com
III.
Weak-minded people have the same problem as weak-bodied people – they self-destruct. You’re imposing on my free will and self-respect, on my ability to decide and push myself to my limits. I don’t do girl push-ups and I don’t acquire Swiss cheese knowledge. Just because you and others do, doesn’t mean I should, too.
I'm strong enough to take care of myself since you won't. Since we're on the topic of what I should be doing, I would say that I should never expect anything from anyone. That way, I'll never be disappointed.
IV.
I smile. When I’m happy. You didn’t make me happy. I’m not capable of a fake smile – not anymore; I gave away all those when I worked in retail.
Genuine smiles are beautiful and infectious, a treasure to share generously and often. But quite frankly, if it’s not real, I don’t have it. Fake it until you make it is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
What if I don’t want to f*cking smile? My fake, forced smile might sneak a frenzy of confusion and pity onto you, because you don’t understand. The smile would make you will feel subtle discomfort – the calm before the storm. And it would make me feel like a scheming patronizer.
V.
I’m a woman being a woman, just maybe not the woman you envisioned. It doesn’t mean I’m not a woman. You telling me that as a woman I should be doing this or that, and me not doing this or that doesn’t make me any less of a woman. Understand that.
nice job expressing yourself. Men really do not understand woman. I also don't think women understand men. It takes a special kind of guy to really get what a woman want. Probably good to be open with your partner once you cross that comfort zone. Thanks for the deep female perspective :) good to remind myself so that I can be a better spouse.
@arthur-schopen @cali-girl is my mom and is a fantastic mother at that. I think you better watch your mouth, bud.
look women don't understand themselves very well, but they do try. I think men understand women more than women think. You do know that the human female isn't some mystic supernatural creature.
to be fair the woman who posted this article reads like a single mother who over rates herself because she is chased via online dating. This post was complete narisiism and she puts herself before her kids, also she likely works part time or not at all... have big expectations of any man and she thinks she is a catch after having at least a dozen men in the last 5 years.
She is not a catch, she sounds like a moaning selfish person... and likely overweight.
I feel I should tell you why I downvoted your post. I think you know, but I'll just say that it was very hateful and misogynistic. You make a lot of assumptions that are meant to put her down. She was just expressing her feelings on a personal experience. I don't think your unkind words were founded or necessary. Why did you feel the need to be cruel? I'd really like to know. Maybe women have hurt you, and that's why you have so much anger towards them. Unless @cali-girl has been really awful to you irl, I can't understand why you needed to post three times here, trying to insult and degrade her and women as a whole. I hope you know, I am not trying to pick a fight here, I just was surprised at the vitriol this post inspired in you. Anyway, I hope you find love in your life that changes your heart.
@renodakota, it sounds to me like you're on to something. The poor guy sounds like he's been through a lot and is torturing himself with constant self-hatred. I won't give him the twisted satisfaction of a response from me, but I do wish for peace and love in his heart.
none of you nor the original poster actually made a comment that addressed any point I made. Rather you just attacked me, that's is fine, no problem for me I am not easy to offend, especially by self-pitying over indulgent people.
I reckon I was right with my generalisation of call-girl
women want the easy life... a man with high social status (at least higher than her own), good looking, good body, good job and handsome... whats complicated about women... oh and good sex... women are just as into sex as men... only difference is a man will fuck a woman who he thinks isnt that attractive and enjoy it, whereas a woman will do it for the money.
Check out a book called the Rational Male by Rollo Thomasi
Maybe you shoukd read some books about over generalizing an entire group (women). Women want the easy life huh? I have dated a few men just like that expecting me to bring home the bacon and them not do much of anything
https://steemit.com/funny/@izbing/photoshop-request
You "girls" will like this posting LOL
Arthur, you might enjoy this post:
https://steemit.com/writing/@cali-girl/every-writer-s-dream
wow. what a profound response. So you dont think such things as human biological truths exist, because to do so offends you. Your a special little snowflake.
"You telling me that as a woman I should be doing this or that, and me not doing this or that doesn’t make me any less of a woman."
Exactly. Genders don't come with intrinsic personality traits. You are biologically female, but more than that - you are YOU, formed partly by biology, but also by your environment and by your experiences.
Well written. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing
Sometimes you just have to let it go and try to give yourself more attention and start loving it more
"Fake it until you make it is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard."
BEST. F*CKING. PHRASE. EVER. Thanks for saying what everyone is too afraid to speak out loud!
;)
Powerful. Well done.
Beautiful said, I wish I had read this too. I would have made my point. Nonetheless, better late then never and we will know better for the next one!
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What kind of woman am I?
LOL